"So I came here," I said dully.
I was sitting on a small, cushioned stool, sipping hot apple cider. I had just completed the long and confusing tale of my journey from Earth, to the A.O., and finally here. As I told, Jacob stared at me in a very disconcerting way, and I got the distinct impression that he didn't think much of my decisions. As I finished speaking, he continued to stare at me for a long, empty moment. In that moment, all of the confused emotions I felt towards Valerian came rushing back. I love him - I don't, that's ridiculous, I couldn't - yes, I can, I do - no, I can't - he doesn't love me - yes he does!
The chorus of little voices sounding in my head confused me, and Jacob's stare penetrated into my eyes until finally I dropped my head on my lap and began sobbing. The remainder of my cider spilled on my lap, and the warmth was just a slight comfort in the sudden coldness and misery I felt. How did I really feel? I couldn't figure it out, so I just cried.
I don't know how long I sat like that, crying loudly. Looking back, I realize that was the worst thing I could have done - but at the time, there wasn't anything else to do. Finally, Jacob must have gotten fed up with my wallowing. He touched my arm. I didn't look up, by I tried to suppress my sobbing to quiet hiccups.
"Why are you crying, Sarah?" His voice was flat and slightly emotionless, like he already knew the answer to his question.
I looked up at him through tear-blurred eyes and shook my head.
"I love Valerian, and he doesn't love me - yes he does! He has to! But he doesn't! He can't..."
I had opened my mouth and now it seemed like I couldn't close it. I babbled senselessly, not seeing Jacob's face any more - just a blob of watery image; that was probably why it took me by such surprise when he slapped my face. Hard.
"Tell me, Sarah, if I have this straight."
His voice was still emotionless. I wiped my eyes and stared at him, struck as dumb as I had been when Marie had slapped me earlier that day. He nodded grimly, satisfied that he had my attention.
"You were walking along, minding your own business, when a guy you didn't know came up and told you a wacko story straight from a sci-fi movie. Not only did you believe the guy, but you went along with everything he told you to do."
He laughed dryly.
"But could you stop there? No! You had to go and fall in love with the blamed boy. Have you ever heard of someone falling in love when they know nothing about the other person? You didn't even know that his name was Valerian. You just guessed. And yet here you are, sobbing because you saw him kissing another girl, wondering whether or not this mysterious son-of-a-bitch loves you or not."
He sounded incredibly angry. I wondered if all that anger was directed towards me. I didn't have time to think any more before he placed a surprisingly gentle finger under my chin and lifted my face to his.
"Doesn't that sound a little...weird and suspicious? For all you know, he could have put you on drugs, or hypnotized you. And you wonder if he loves you?"
I sniffed angrily. I opened my mouth, but before I could speak angry words, he placed his palm over my mouth.
"I'm going to go make some dinner for us. You think about what I said, and then while we eat you can tell me what you've decided. Are you going to let Valerian go, and admit that you don't love him and he doesn't love you? Or are you going to go back to him and live your life like Marie did, hoping he'd notice you every time he brings in another love-struck, hypnotized girl?"
I stared at him in surprise, and he turned and left. He went into the other room and I heard him banging around with pots and pans. I put my head in my arms and did the only sensible thing I'd done since that morning: I thought. I thought about everything Marie had told me, everything Jacob had told me, and everything Valerian had told me. I thought about the possibilities of it all, the possible realities, the possible deceptions. I studied my feelings for Valerian.
Half an hour later, I walked into the kitchen. My hair was a mess, my eyes red and swollen and my stomach rumbling from the smells that were drifting from the warm kitchen. Jacob looked up at me and nodded. In all the time I'd been at his house, he still hadn't cracked a smile.
"What's for eats?" I asked, smiling tentatively.
He frowned slightly.
"I expect honesty out of you, Sarah. Have you broken the spell Valerian had you under? Or will I be forced to send you back to the A.O.?"
I looked down.
"You were right. I never did love Valerian - it was just an illusion. His eyes must have been hypnotic or something. I was stupid. Can I please stay with you? I don't know what it is, but I feel safer here than I have since I came to this Unisi."
Jacob came over to me and lifted my. His brown eyes looked straight into mine, and for a moment I wondered if he really had come from Earth like Marie had said, rather than from some unearthly planet where they could read each other's thoughts. For that is what it looked like he was doing. I waited until he broke our gaze and started serving mashed potatoes plate, then I went to the sink and dabbed water on my flushed face.
Jacob spoke as he worked.
"You may stay here, but only so long as you must. I have a very busy lifestyle, and it is important while you stay here that you not get in my way. I am conducting important scientific work and my concentration must not be broken."
I nodded understandingly. It was to be expected that there would be rules.
"This work - it is concerning getting back to Earth?"
He looked at me, surprised.
"You know?"
I shrugged.
"Marie told me."
He sighed and nodded.
"Marie was always so trustful. She must have seen something in you that I don't."
I gasped. He kept on serving greens, apparently unaware that he had just insulted me. I shook my head and grimaced. This boy - er, young man - obviously thought I was a worthless teenager who made stupid mistakes constantly. Well, Marie had at least trusted me. Marie had seen more in me than that. I made a resolution then; that I would show Jacob that I was good for something, and that I would not let Marie down. I think, looking back, that the resolution was made more from stung pride than from any noble purpose, but at the time I needed any moral support I could give myself. I frowned at the greens and potatoes on my plate, unaware that I was muttering quietly and angrily to myself.
"Hmph; I'll show them. I have other skills, I'm not just an average teen. I can do things..."
I looked up and saw Jacob looking at me quizzically.
"Could you repeat that? Or were you having a private conversation?"
I faked a smile and turned to my plate. The greens were overcooked and the potatoes slightly mushy. I put a lot of salt on everything and shoveled it down, aware that Jacob was casting glances my way. I didn't want to offend him by not eating, even though he had offended me. And slapped me; as had Marie. I realized that I had born more abuse in this single day than I had in my whole previous life. The thought struck me as funny; a little comic relief for a horrible situation. I laughed out loud, and put my hand over my mouth, politely keeping the food in. Jacob dropped his fork and looked up at me.
"Are you all right?"
I laughed again.
"All right? Yeah, I guess you could say so, after I got hypnotized, drugged, carried off to a strange new place, fell in love and out of love, got slapped around by crazy people, insulted by you, almost went through with an operation that would chain me to this place forever, rode a huge motorcycle with sharp edges and guns - without my license, might I add - have I missed anything?"
Jacob shrugged.
"Not that I can think of. Really you just made a few stupid mistakes; everybody does."
I laughed again.
"That makes me feel better, Jacob."
He blinked.
"It wasn't meant to make you feel better. I was merely stating the facts."
I thought I was beginning to get a grasp on Jacob's personality traits. No nonsense, mathematical, organized, unemotional, brisk, and not very tactful. I could live with this - at least for a while. I looked up and saw Jacob looking at me strangely again - I must have been smiling at nothing - and finished my dinner as quickly as I could. Afterwards I helped clean up, then Jacob cleared his throat.
"I usually go to work after this. I do my science work in my room - down the hall. I'll show you where you're staying, then you can amuse yourself as you will. We'll try to find some new clothes for you as soon as we can, but it might not be very soon. Make the ones you have last. Don't spill anything on them. Your room has a bathroom adjoining it, so you can shower or do whatever you want."
I simply nodded. He led me down a small, narrow hallway - with green carpets, of course - and turned left to open a door which led to a surprisingly large room for the size of the house. There was a wooden wardrobe, a queen-sized bed, a bookshelf and...I gave a little immature squeak that I would have laughed to hear anyone else let out. I clapped my hands together and jumped up and down, pointing to the piano that stood in the corner of the room. Jacob saw it and nodded.
"I take it you play?"
I laughed.
"Yes! Oh, yes, I love to play. And sing, of course. What a coincidence! I'd just been wishing for a piano, and here one is! Do you think the things that happened to me today would make a good song?"
Jacob almost smiled at my delight. At least, the little twist of the mouth that I thought was there for a second might have been a smile, if it had stuck around a little longer.
"I take it you'll be occupied for a while, then. I'll leave you. My room is across the hall if you desperately need me for something. Unless it's urgent, however, I would suggest that you keep out of the way. I can often be...snappish...when I am interrupted."
I nodded, half-hearing what he was saying and half concentrating on the piano that stood in the corner. I truly loved to play, and had been taking lessons ever since I had been four years old. I had taken singing lessons from an early age as well, and had acted lead roles in quite a few of the high school plays. As soon as Jacob stepped outside the room and closed the door with a firm, Jacob-like click, I rushed to the piano and sank onto the cushioned bench. I ran my fingers lightly over the keys, not playing any notes but simply enjoying the smooth ivory passing under my fingers. Then I closed my eyes and began to play 'Think of Me,' from the 'Phantom of the Opera.' My fingers found their places on the keys with easy familiarity, and I began to sing:
"Think of me, think of me fondly when we say goodbye.
Remember me, once in a while, promise me you'll try..."
I thought that I would dedicate it to Valerian, as a last parting gift to the first - however fake - love of my life. But after I began, my thoughts wandered from Valerian to my friends back at Earth. I had never been intimate with anyone there - I had been orphaned from birth, and my musical talent had been cultivated by the kindly orphanage director. I wondered if anyone at the orphanage would be 'thinking of me,' or whether they would even notice I was gone. Maybe at roll call next morning. At the high school, a girl missing class was a common occurrence, and I had no real friends there. It was strange...as I sang the song a longing came welling up in my heart that I hadn't even known existed there before; a longing for love and family and happiness and familiar objects and a real home. Even if 'home' meant a barrack-like orphanage bed shared with two other teen girls.
When I finished, tears were trembling at the corners of my eyes and I squeezed my cheeks to let them roll out, next to my nose and towards my mouth. I licked the saltiness of them and thought I tasted a part of the yearning I felt. I sat there in silence, wondering at how this piano had brought back to me a piece of home, even if it was just a small enough piece to make me long for more.
Surely you can guess what happened next?
"That was very well done. I did not think you had such abilities in you. I felt your longing and your pain."
I whirled around and - not for the first time that day - gasped in surprise. I quickly wiped the tears from my cheeks and tried to smile at Jacob.
"I was just thinking of home," I said.
He nodded.
"I thought there must have been more to it than longing over the lost Valerian," he said, genuine approval in his voice for the first time.
I shrugged.
"You'd best get back to work, or my longing will never be fulfilled."
He sighed and nodded.
"Yes...but if you ever feel the urge to play more, please go ahead. You won't bother me."
I hid a smile behind my hand. So, the scientific Jacob had a romantic side to him, as well. I turned back to the piano and heard the door click once again; and in that click I heard the window of sentimentality close once again, and the business come back into my life. I sensibly decided to take a shower and left the piano, standing and waiting for my return.
*Yes, I know this is starting to sound like a romance - but I won't dwell on it, don't worry. I just wanted to get some of her background in there, and give her a talent at something.*
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