Young Writers Society

Chapter Two

I stared at the building a little shaken. Strobe lights flared out into the night in mystifying colors ranging from blue to neon pink. The sign overhead was painted with an intricate design of a black dragon curling up around a tree, smoke flaring from his nostrils and forming words. For all I knew, it could have said, “Welcome to Little Italy.” But the image was all too familiar and I knew that The Dragon’s Den was perched in this little corner of the city.

Cold techno music thrummed through the night and I watched as a pair of women limped out the side door. One was bleeding from the nose and lip and the other, with fair white skin, had a face painted not only with mascara stains but bruises turning an ugly yellow.

I could only shudder. How did Boss expect me to get into a place like this? I was just a child and the bouncer, poised at the front door, would occasionally casting icy glares in my direction. Then he would bob his head up and down and take the door fee from who ever dared enter the thumping building. Aruco Sanu obviously had no concern about privacy. Only scum ever entered through that door.

“Boss, I hope you will see me well,” I hissed the little promise, more to myself than to anyone else. I hoped I would at least make it out alive.

Rather than attempt to sneak in (the obvious thing to do) I approached the Bouncer. He just gave a nod of his head. I was hesitant. What would await me though that door? Another nod. I pushed the door open and was enveloped by bright lights, smoke, and sound. There was a thud as the door closed and latched shut. I turned around and saw that there was no doorknob inside and I felt my heart race.

But surprise quickly overcame me. No one even cared to give me a second glance. Men danced with scantily clad woman, each scared and marred like the others, their partners throwing their drunken brute weight.

I was shuffling, my arms crossed over my chest, afraid there greed hands would grab hold of my wrists and move me closer. I don’t think anyone even thought to try. The fact that they didn’t reach for me scared me even more. I swallowed and shuffled farther into the single room, my eyes stinging with the glare from the strobe lights and the billowing clouds from the smoke machine. The whole environment left a bitter taste on my tongue.

The sudden feeling of being swept away over took me and my head began to rush. What was it about this place?

The cold chill warped around me.

The music pulled through me like fire.

The smoke filled my lungs like poison.

I’m sure all three of these things had an effect on me but when a hand reached my shoulder, I barely noticed. My whole self was too lost in this spinning shouting room. I just followed the hand forward through a wooden door and into a little room.

Fear should have been my main emotion but it was relief that found me. The noise lessened and the smoke cleared from my throat. Only the biting chill remained but kept me awake. I was feeling tired.

I saw the door open, bringing memories of the room outside. “Amelia, why are you here.” Was I imagining it or did his voice seem familiar. “Here have something to drink.”

A glass fell into my hand, slippery with condensation. “Thanks.” My voice cracked with the effort as if I hadn’t spoken in years.

“This place has that effect on people. It’s in the smoke. They pump a narcotic into the system to keep people coming back for more.” She cooed when she spoke.

Natalia was standing over me, blond hair curled in ringlets around her glowing bronzed skin and blue eyes warming me.

Mathers sood next to her, arms crossed over his chest. He looked just like his father. The same hair and the same eyes. Even the same turned up nose.

A tingling joy filled me.

The other parts seemed to have some rather extensive critiques by Myth and others so I thought I'd just comment on this one...

I stared at the building, a little shaken.

Cold, techno music thrummed through the night and I watched as a pair of women limped out the side door.

I could only shudder. How did Boss expect me to get into a place like this? I was just a child and the bouncer, poised at the front door, would occasionally cast icy glares in my direction. Then he would bob his head up and down and take the door fee from whoever dared enter the thumping building.

Rather than attempt to sneak in (the obvious thing to do) I approached the Bouncer. He just gave a nod of his head. I was hesitant. What would await me through that door?

But surprise quickly overcame me. No one even cared to give me a second glance. Men danced with scantily clad woman, each scarred and marred like the others; their partners throwing their drunken brute weight.

I was shuffling, my arms crossed over my chest, afraid their greedy hands would grab hold of my wrists and pull me closer.

I’m sure all three of these things had an effect on me but when a hand reached my shoulder, I barely noticed. My whole self was too lost in this spinning, shouting room. [/quote]

Fear should have been my main emotion but it was relief that found me. The noise lessened and the smoke cleared from my throat. Only the biting chill remained but that kept me awake. I was feeling tired.

I saw the door open, bringing memories of the room outside. “Amelia, why are you here?” Was I imagining it or did his voice seem familiar? “Here, have something to drink.”

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Other than that the story is interesting so far but I'd quite like to see some more description.

I actually quite like this. There was a good combination of description and I like the feelings you conveyed of the character. For a bar in the city, you described it well. Good work.

Hrmm not much really happened in the chapter though. There could be more action.

Overall, it was interesting. Tell me if you are gonna write more to this.

This is good! I haven't read the first bits of this, but this is great. What are "strobe lights"?

stobe lights are those flashing lights. they blink. make me dizzy.