Young Writers Society

The man's name is John Smith, common name; yes, but an easy kill; no. He is a military buff, trained in boot camp, served for 10 years. He is old, he knows people hate him and want him dead. Knowing his soon-coming fate he sits on his front porch with a concealed pistol. He lives on a very busy street, so a night attack, I love night attacks. He goes inside at 5:30 to watch a television show and doesnt come back out until midnight. The man who wants him dead wants his purple heart badge he's recieved.

I've located an old abandon bakery across the street. I will stakeout until midnight, monitor his actions and eventually attack. I wonder if this should be a sniper mission; no.

I walked over to his house dressed in a police outfit I picked up at the holloween store. sure its illeagle but if your going to kill a guy mind as well go the whole nine yards.

" Hi I've got a call regarding uhh... domestic violence."

" I dont know what you're talking about" he said laying flat on the couch

I walked into the small house, looking for a basement door.

"is that the basement?" I pointed looking interested.

"yes"

I went downstairs and looked for an entrance from the outside. There an old fashioned swing door. I thanked him and walked out of the house.

I waited a few more hours until midnight. I snuck over to the basement door and opened it. I walked thought the dripping basement and found the door to the main level. The television was right near the door so i had to wait untill the next commercial for him to get a snack. I scurried into the bathroom and unlatched the seat to the toilet.

I waited again until the next commercial for him to go upstairs and look out the window for any hitman. You would think he'd be more prepared for a hitman. I dropped a few x-laxes into his nachos. Once again i waited until he went to "relieve his solids".

I heard some plops and then a loud "SNAP" and cursing from the bathroom. I ran into the bathroom and I pulled out my silenced pistol.

"what are you doing in my house?!?!" he yelled
I said nothing and shot him in the temple.

I dragged his body down to the basement and pushed his finger against the gun and put it then in his hand.

"Suicide" I said as I left the basement door.

I liked your story and I intend to continue reading your story. This one was much better than the other one but still wasn't sci-fi. You really need to move this to fiction.

I agree with MadHatter this was better than the 1st contract. Just a few notes to go through:

1. Watch the tenses in the 2nd paragraph. It's past tense, no?
2. Some punctuation you used seems a little off. For example, comas should've been semi-colons. Check out the first paragraph especially.
3. Again the hitman wasn't being too professional. He wasn't sure what to say when he met up with the target. Unless, of course, you meant this to be his character?
4. When a policeman comes to my door, pushes me aside and walk in, I'd protest strongly than letting him just go ahead. Just my opinion.

And yeah, this should go in a different genre. And the first contract you rated it Restricted? Nothing important but I think it could be something other than R.

Good idea i like it but the part where goes into the house and then the basement then back up into the house? whats that about? try to explain that more.