Yes, very good for your first time. I didn't read through all of it though, I just don't like reading that much that isn't in a book or on word. Not to mention I'm too lazy to XD
Anyways, it's kind of confusing to even comment at all. Try to explain more, and don't use so much description. I'm not saying description is a bad thing, everyone loves it. But using to much of it just makes it seem like you're trying way too hard.
Gender:
Points: 890
Reviews: 93