This small chapter is possibly the most significant part of my story, and I was hoping you guys could just let me know if there is anyway to improve this. Thanks in advance!
S.T.A.D.S. Headquarters
1200 hours
"Lieutenant John Mitchells, S.T.A.D.S. officers, local city politicians, and my fellow scientists," Rodges took a deep breath and continued, "we're here to discuss and interpret the postmortem examination of Mark Castelle, a 29-year old male, and a chemistry-majored scientist at the Trinity Studies of Genetic Engineering Facility. He was allegedly killed by an unknown species with a high elevation of magnificent artificial intelligence, that we now call by, until further observation, the "unidentified specimens." This autopsy was conducted over and over again by me and by the generous assistance of Christine Frost, a S.T.A.D.S. medical officer, hoping that the corpse would let us know more about the enemy, instead of finding out through close contact, which, we could all see here-" he pointed up to the wall where the projector had a full body image of the corpse when it was first brought in, all bloody and butchered, "-would most definetely end in another catastrophe." Rodges cleared his throat.
"Now on with the autopsy. In it's protocol, you see that I have written that the actual thoraco-abdominal cavity was already opened without the result of an incision. Those of you who are forensic pathologists know that the front portion of the ribs and the breastbone are removed to expose the organs for further observation. Then the heart, the lungs, the trachea, and the esophagus are taken out after. Fluids are then drawn out and sampled for a toxicological analysis. However,-" he changed the slide to a close-up image of the chest. The entire auditorium winced and moaned in disgust. "We see that the thoraco-abdominal cavity is already opened, the ribs and breastbone are removed, as well as the main organs we seek to remove, which is the heart, the lungs, the trachea, and the esophagus. When I drawed out all possible fluids and sent it in for a toxicological analysis, I got back results that clarify that in all that ruptured flesh, those organs were indeed inside, but they were not visible. These organs were melted and burned by a very strong acid we found present inside the rip cage. This acid is a mixture of a series of acids, including hydrochloric acid, nitric acid, acetic acid, formic acid, and hydrofluoric acid. Hydrochloric acid and Nitric acid, when combined, form 'aqua regia' which is a highly corrosive, fuming liquid that is able to dissolve gold and plantinum. Acetic acid, when concentrated, is indeed corrosive, and can cause serious skin burns, permanent eye damage, and can cause irritation to the mucous membranes. But in penetrating the skin, these burns take several hours after exposure to actually surface. However, in this case, this acid seemed ingested and therefore caused severe damaged to the digestive system and can have a very lethal effect when entered in the blood stream. Formic acid can also cause severe chemical burns, and can cause permanent eye damage when exposed. Inhaling its vapors can irritate or in fact cause burns in the respiratory tract. Hydrofluoric acid, when reacted with calcium and magnesium ions, can disable organs who's main functions depend solely on these metal ions. Symptoms of exposure to the acid may not show until several hours later, as the acid begins to react with calcium in the bones. In many circumstances, the acid's exposure can result in severe or even lethal damage to the heart, liver, kidneys, and nerves. In every case, when exposed to this acid, it requires immediate professional medical treatment, as it is extremely toxic and has the capacity to kill on exposure."
"Moving on with the examination; in observation to the pelvic area, the semenal and urine samples proved normal. Finally we move on to examining the head, first with the eyes, which suffered tremendous irritations and burns due to exposure of the many acids. The damage proved that Mark Castelle was indeed blind several hours after contact. In removing the brain through an incision on the top of the head, and thus the skull being exposed- there was a minor dent in the skull, which is safe to say there was no serious blunt force trauma or hemorhaging." he changed the slide to his neck, "Looking here we see, literally, gaps in Mr. Castelle's neck. Being that it is the most injured part of the body, and by visual analysis, it is determined that the unidentified specimen grabbed Castelle by the throat, burning his neck with the sticky acidic substance that amazingly covered the specimen. Through a few moments of agonizing pain and excessive burning to the neck, the acid was entered in his blood stream through the aorta, then gaining access to all organs, slowly burning and melting the tissue. With such an injury to the neck, he lost consciousness, and possibly fell face down, which would explain the indent on his skull. With the acid reacting with his system, his respiratory tract wearing out, and the calcium in his bones depleting, the organs suffered lethal damage which eventually lead to his death. The actual melting of the tissue and his blindness happened post mortem."
"So on an obvious conclusion, Mark Castelle suffered a series of causes of deaths. It is clarified that his torso's area was not ruptured or torn by the unidentified specimen, instead he was gripped by the neck for a good minute or two, which allowed enough time for the acids to breach through his skin and enter the bloodstream. That was all the specimen did. Mark Castelle was attacked by the specimen, but it was the acid that killed him. On receiving the body, his temperature was 86 degress. Normal human body temperature is 98.6 degrees. After the first hour of the death, the body drops one degree, and every hour after that, it drops half a degree. So, in doing the math, Mr. Castelle died approxiametely 23-24 hours ago." he looked across the auditiorium to Staff and smiled, "Keyes Staff, you're a lucky man to be alive today." Everyone turned to him and started clapping. He blushed in embarrassment and smiled as Ryatt, Luke, Xavier, and Jack all laughed at him. Rodges took a deep breath, drank down his cold glass of water and stepped down from the podium with a large applause.
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I found myself glossing over all these parts and then getting confused later on. Maybe a little less scientific words ( and yes I know it's a sci-fi story) and a little more "a gaping hole lay where the back of his head should nave been " etc .
I like the first paragraph though. It captures the readers attention and makes you want to read on.
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