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Young Writers Society


(Unnamed) Chapter four (12+ Version)



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Sun Dec 13, 2009 4:38 pm
Stealth_Slicer says...



Ok here is part four…again. I reworked it for a lower age rating, so any younger readers can still keep up with the story and not skip a chapter.

All the best.

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The Lizarian defences are being strained and now Soraka and Adam help a race recover research hoping they will assist in the defence of Lizaria
__________________________________________________________________________________________

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Lizarian AEF commander Soraka
Thursday 12.08.3472
10:15
Lizar system, Lizaria,
Princess’ private quarters

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Soraka, Sheatha, and four other high-ranking Lizarians were in the princess’ private quarters, discussing what to do next.

The room was huge. A large circular bed took up most of the room; it was situated against the back wall directly opposite the door. The bed was covered in dark purple silk sheets. The far end was covered with eight huge light pink cushions. The Princess was sitting up against the cushions, her purple duvet was pulled up to her collarbone, but she kept her arms on top of the duvet. To the left of the room was a huge walk in wardrobe, and to the right was a door leading to the princess’ bathroom and dressing area. Soraka didn’t pay much attention to anything but the Princess.

“Princess our situation is grim. Seven systems have been lost in less than four days, an assassin tried to eliminate you, the Humans have resorted to using nuclear weapons and the Drakeo refuse to become involved. Princess we need a plan,” Sheatha said.

“We suggest an all out assault on the Vorog high commander. Eliminating him might buy us enough time to…” Soraka began but trailed off.

“To do what Soraka?” The Princess asked curiously.

“We were thinking perhaps it would buy us enough time to bring the Ancestor ship back online, and perhaps even get some of the Human nuclear weapons. Primitive compared to a lot of technology, but still very effective,” Soraka explained. The Princess sighed.

“I can’t let the citizens of Lizaria come to harm. We already know what the Vorog scum have done to any Lizarians they have captured. I am sorry but the amount of ships needed to attack the Vorog commander would put Lizaria at risk,” The Princess replied.


“Then what do you suggest we do?” A stout Lizarian asked.

“I…I don’t know,” She admitted, placing her head in a hand.

“Princess it is not your fault. We will think of something,” Sheatha said. Everyone turned and left, leaving The Princess alone.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

I was in the same meeting room as before; I was waiting for the others to arrive. Soon after Soraka, a lizarian and a Drakeo walked in. The Lizarian sat at the top of the table with Soraka to his left. The Drakeo sat opposite me; he sat at the end of the other side of the table.

“Adam this is General Sheatha and Mal,” Soraka said, gesturing first to the Lizarian then to the Drakeo. The Lizarian was as tall, and well built like Soraka; he also had several dark scars on his chest.

Because of their similarities to ancient myths, Humans often referred to Drakeos as dragons. He was a dark sapphire blue. Two large horns sprouted form the back of his head, and a row of small spines ran from the top of his neck to the tip of his tail, right along his spine. His wings were as long as the distance from his shoulders to his knees, and were attached just under his shoulders. Drakeos’ hands consisted of three clawed fingers and a clawed thumb. Their feet had four toes; each had very long and undoubtedly dangerous claws. Mal had a long red scar running from above his left eye over his eyelid and ending just under his eye; also a tattoo ran from his right shoulder to his right elbow it read: S.C.A.R.

“Is she all right?” I asked, breaking the tense silence that had settled in the room.

“The Princess suffered three high powered gunshots to the back. In time she will be ok,” Sheatha explained. I nodded, and then looked at Mal.

“If I may ask why are you here?” I asked curiously. Mal shifted about uncomfortably in the chair, and ruffled his wings slightly.

“Mal is here for an unrelated matter, that he would prefer to discuss with you and Soraka alone,” Sheatha explained.

“I am going to discuss something with the Princess, I will be back soon,” Sheatha got up, and quickly walked out of the room.

“Now that we are alone I would like to ask you two something,” Mal said, his voice was not loud but it was fierce.

“Go ahead,” Soraka replied.

“Not long ago one of our research facilities cut all contact with us. We only have one agent spare. We need you to help us,” Mal explained, sitting back in his chair. “Adam your technical experience will be needed to extract much needed data, should the communications be down, and Soraka your military skill will be needed should anything happen,”

“What were they doing there?” I asked.

“Classified,” Mal snapped. “The agent you will be meeting is named Seeko,” Mal pointed a small remote at the screen, pressed a button. The screen flickered to life.

A young, female, ocean blue Drakeo was sitting at a table; cleaning a seven-inch throwing knife. The knife was almost flat with a highly pointed tip; also the grip was thinner than a normal knife. She was in a small grey tent with maps pinned up behind her. She had the same tattoo as Mal

“Adam, Soraka, this is agent Seeko,” Mal said, sounding almost proud.

“Hello to you too Mal,” Seeko said.

“Seeko, this is Adam, and Soraka, they are some of the ones who will accompany you,” Mal explained.

“So long as they can keep up. Maybe this time I might actually get a race to the objective,” Seeko said playfully.

“Don’t let her playfulness fool you. Seeko is an incredibly skilled fighter worthy of a lot of respect,” Mal explained.

“Your trying to flatter me again so I forget you owe me poker money aren’t you?” Seeko asked, smiling playfully. I must admit she didn’t seem threatening at all, and looked cute when she smiled.

“When do we leave?” I asked.

“ASAP,” Mal replied. Seeko tossed the knife in the air, just skimming the roof of the tent before letting it fall. There was a small clink sound when she caught it between her well-kept, white teeth. She then removed it and twiddled it about in her fingers.

“Tell you what why don’t we have a little race?” Seeko asked. “Whoever get to the facility first wins,”

“Your on,” Soraka said smiling.

“Good I’ll be waiting for you,” Seeko replied.

“Or we’ll wait for you,” I said. She smiled. I couldn’t help but think she would just be a total washout in a fight when she smiled or acted playfully.


Four hours later.


A blizzard had blown up so we had to walk to the rendezvous point. We couldn’t see further than five meters through the white fog. It was so cold I thought I was going to get hypothermia. Not to mention Soraka who hadn’t even bothered to wear anything. I was wearing a thick brown thermal coat that I planned to remove once inside.

“See anything?” Soraka asked from in front of me.

“White! That count?” I asked. Soon a black shape began to materialize from the fog. Soraka snapped up his weapon.

Soraka had a VG-86 assault rifle. The main body was a silver oblong. A black trapezium shaped grip sat close to the built in barrel of the gun. The front of the weapon sloped backwards, giving it a rather nice look. The Trigger was a cylinder angled backwards slightly. The clip was behind the trigger; it was a small silver thirty-two round drum magazine. The stock was just a continuation of the body that was level on the top, and had a second small oblong straight down.

I was unarmed.

“Took you long enough!” Seeko shouted stepping closer.

“Yeah well this blizzard wasn’t supposed to be here. Lets get to work,” Soraka said.

We walked over to a small ice cave, just big enough to walk through. Seeko walked inside, and soon came to a metal door. The door had a strange picture on it, the picture was of a Drakeo skull in a thick circle above the circle read: S.C.A.R. No handle or keypad was visible. Seeko reached down to her belt opened a small pouch and took out a small silver orb. She inserted it into a small crevice in the skulls left eye then placed it back in its pouch. The door immediately responded; it parted down the middle and slid apart into the ice. The inside was almost pitch black. It felt like looking into the gaping mouth of a huge animal. Seeko pulled two pistols from their holsters, and activated the light on each of them.

The pistols looked like ancient Desert Eagles, but the sides weren’t slanted the clip with was smaller and the body was much longer, a torch was mounted under the barrel of each. They were a metallic black colour.

The corridor was entirely metal, the walls floor and ceiling were all grey; the same picture from the door was half way down the left wall. I took off the coat and felt it by the door. We swiftly progressed down the corridor to a T joint. From there we went left down an almost identical corridor. After about five minutes of walking we reached another door, just like the one at the entrance, however there was no slot for Seeko’s orb.

“Now what?” I asked.

“I don’t know lockdown procedures shouldn’t have been activated,” Seeko said, “We should find the closest security console and find an alternate rout. But that is easier said than done; I don’t know the locations of the consoles,”

“Ok let’s go,” Soraka said. We were about to move out when a strange noise caused us to all freeze. The sound was like an angered moan or roar.

“Tell me that was you,” Soraka said to me. I shook my head.

“Stay quiet and follow me,” Seeko ordered. Moving away down the opposite corridor. We stayed close to Seeko as she moved down corridor after corridor quickly and quietly. She turned a corner and froze.

“What?” I asked stepping round the turn.

The sight was grim.

Three Drakeo corpses were in the corridor; each had a look of shock in their eyes. The body closest to me was a green Drakeo. He was lying on his back, and had several claw like marks across its chest and throat. The cuts were deep and long, whatever had inflicted the damage had cut through his flesh with ease. I looked at the second; he was a metallic yellow. He has mainly been slashed across the neck. The final Drakeo was brown. He was lying on his stomach and I couldn’t see his wounds.

Another thing I noticed was that all of them had the S.C.A.R tattoo on they’re right arm.

“So he wasn’t lying after all,” Seeko muttered under her breath. I think she didn’t want anyone to hear, but I did.

Something stepped into view.
  





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Sat Jan 02, 2010 11:28 pm
Fruits_Basket99Tohru says...



Thank you for having the rating set a little lower. And I'm so sorry for not being on to review this yet! Oh, please forgive me!

But as I was reading this, I noticed it was rather long. So I put it in the word count and it's just under 1850 words, without the italicized beginning introductory segment. I think that's a little too long for me to review currently! Could you divide this up into 2 parts? Maybe cut it off at a midway point, like right before the 'Four hours later' part. 1500 words is enough to make me sleep, and right now, I'm extremely tired and sleep-deprived. Please divide it into 2 parts?

If you can't I understand--let me know and I'll attempt to plow through this. Anyway, I'm so sorry! I can't believe I've not been able to get on YWS in a while (for me) and now I'm telling you I can't quite review this just yet. Please forgive me! *bows*
"We're all born with selfish desires, so we can all relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is something made individually by each person...so it's easy to misunderstand when others are trying to be kind to you."
--Fruits Basket Book 1, page 134

Do you need a review?
  





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Sun Jan 03, 2010 4:04 pm
Stealth_Slicer says...



That shouldn’t be too hard. When my internet comes back online I will be able to find a point to split it. At the moment I am having light writer’s block with the creatures. I want it to feel like they can, and will, rip anything apart on first sight but I feel it isn’t really tying in with their behaviour of wandering around aimlessly. I just need to work on that little “Trigger” where they go from wandering creature to fierce creature. Did I just give away too much?

All the best.
  








The moral of Snow White is never eat apples.
— Lemony Snicket