Young Writers Society

* Okay I completely started over, so if you've already reviewed, thank you, but there are some changes. If you would like ot go back and review again, please feel free to do so. Thank you! *

Prologue




It’s funny how your life can change in a moment. You could be living life on the high rise, passing through the days, silent and cautious. Then, bam! Your world comes tumbling down.

My life since I was eight has been hectic. I don’t remember living in one place for too long, but I do remember living with this little old lady. She was sweet, but very quiet, always sneaking up on you. I can remember when I was five; I had a sweet tooth, so I would sneak into the kitchen late at night. Before I could raise my hand high enough to reach the cookie jar, I would hear that sweet old lady whispering in my ear.

“Now, Miss Cecelia, I know you’re not about to put those hands in my pretty little cookie jar now are you?” I would jump about three feet in the air and whirl around, my blue eyes going wide. She would smile and give me a cookie and a glass of warm milk, then send me off to bed.

I guess that’s where I learned my sneakiness from. Where I live now, it’s one of the many things you need to survive. I guess I owe my life to that old woman. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have made it on the streets for long. I wonder what she would think of me now if she were to see me. Oh well, I guess it don’t matter anyway. Life is life; you gotta take it as you get it.

Wonderfully suspenseful! I hope you will post more! Okay, a couple of things first:
At the beginning, you were like

It's funny how your life can change in a moment. You could be living life on the high rise, passing through the days, silent and cautious. Then, bam! Your world comes tumbling down.

For the rest of your prologue, there isn't anything that has to do with this. Please stick to the point!
And, this part was very confusing.

My life since I was eight has been hectic. I don't remember living in one place for too long, but I do remember living with my grandmother. She was a sweet old lady, but very quiet. I remember when I was five, I would sneak into the kitchen and before I could put my hand in the cookie jar, I would hear my grandmother say my name.

You first said eight, but then you recalled a moment when you were five. These ages aren't really important to the reader right now, if you understand me.
Last of all, could you at least mention what C. H. stands for? It really frustrates me that I don't even know what the series is called. And by the way, be sure to PM me when you post more of your story! I would love to read and review again!
~WW

Okay singer, this is really good and it's just the prologue. Let me know when you add more, I would enjoy continuing to read it.

Sorry guys! C.H. Stands for Cheshire House I am about to post chapter one so look out

Hi *singerofthenight*. Sorry I am here late but I am here. I think I couldn't get much idea from the prologue so its great. Prologues are supposed to be like this only-intriguing, fascinating and mysterious.

It's funny how your life can change in a moment. You could be living life on the high rise, passing through the days, silentI don't think this word would be appropriate here. Silent word pretty much shows us numb feeling and stillness with sadness. Just an advice! and cautious. Then, bam! Your world comes tumbling down.

My life, since I was eight has been hectic. I don't remember living in one place for too long, but I do remember living with my grandmother. She was a sweet old lady, but very quiet. I remember when I was five, I would sneak into the kitchen and before I could put my hand in the cookie jar, I would hear my grandmother say my name.

"Cecelia Edana Thompson." All she had to do was say those words, and I would jump about three feet into the air, even though I already knew she would catch me. I guess it was the fact that she was just so sneaky that always caught me off guard. Maybe that's were I got my sneakyness Is this a word? from. Where I live you need it; you can't survive without it.

I guess I owe my life to my grandmother, because if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have survived the streets for long. I wonder what my grandmother would think of me now if she knew what I had become. Oh well, guess, it doesn't matter anyway. Life is life, you gotta take it as you get it.

Keep up with good word. I would've really liked had you described how grandmother looked or was like. Because, that is very good to hear about-a child describing his/her grandmother. Keep writing!

Such suspense. Quite lovely. Keep writing, I can't wait to read more.

Okay, Eilin, since you told me to review your novel, here I am. XD

Okay, overally, it's okay, I suppose. It's not bad - I've seen a lot worse than this on the site - but I feel that a prologue should be there for setting up the tension, so your reader is hooked into your story before you start in on the details in the main first chapter. just saying. Other than that, there are a few grammar errors...but I have nothing else to say against the scene. A good scene, might've been better if you used it in your first chapter.

Robyn.