Young Writers Society

Ernest Rudolph Rawson was born on March 23, 2025 in Kinsad, Maine. A rather small community, it had officially become a town eight years earlier. Kinsad was a model communtity for those who disliked the rush of suburbia. Quiet, it exuded a slow, relaxed vibe. This is where Ernie grew up.

The earliest memories that Ernie had were of his parent's small rented house in Kinsad. By his house, there was a playground where he spent his early summers. The playground was a throwback to the 20th century because it was still made of wood. This fact turned away most people, but not Ernie's family. So, Ernie was often without anyone else on the playground; just sitting alone with his thoughts.

Ernie eventually took up drawing. He would come back to his wooden playground, depicting its dilapidated desolation with vivid detail. He was quite the artist. However, his artistic talent did little to help his social situation. Because of his family's "shack," as the bullies put it, he was dubbed such names as "hick," "po-boy," and "half-cent."

When Ernie, then 11, moved to Portland, Maine, he had a blank slate. The recently passed Hudson Acts helped his family's situation as well. Ernie had learned from his time in Kinsad how to survive socially, but he was still bullied for his art talent.

He eventually gave up drawing and switched over to reading. His family, though better off than before, still could not afford him a simple book-reader. Ernie could only get old paper books at the library. The library only had classics — most publications written past 2017 weren't in print, only in an electronic format. Ernie had to be careful. If one of his classmates saw him with old-fashioned books, he would be ridiculed to no end, but he had learned from his time in Kinsad.

His father's job required his family to move back to Kinsad when he was 14, ready to start the next part of his life. High school was better for Ernie. He was no longer bullied, but a single incident influenced him strongly.

Ernie was walking near the school when it was almost dusk. He heard a hushed voice. Curious, he looked in the courtyard. Where he entered, there was the math wing along his left streching to the other side of the courtyard. The main gymnasium was out from his right. Across the courtyard, the foreign language section streched from the math wing to the second gymnasium, adjacent to the first gymnasium.

Ernie saw three figures — Joe, Stan, and Nathan — in the corner marked by the math wing and foreign language wing. Fit and formidable, Joe was an unsung football star. Stan was clever, but he had trouble with his grades. Nathan was short, weak, and socially inept; and as Ernie knew, a target for bullies. Ernie creeped into the bushes along the edge, feeling lucky that he had worn earth tones rather than a gaudy orange or red. He strained to hear what they were saying.

Ernie caught Stan first. "Joe didn't like that. Do you know what Joe does to people that make him mad?"

Joe popped his knuckles and hit his fist against his open palm. Ernie immediately knew what he was going to do. Joe was going to beat up Nathan. Knowing he could do little, he watched.

Stan continued talking. "Oh, so you don't know why Joe is mad? You tattled on us. You thought we were cheating off you in the finals, so you squealed!"

Ernie had no trouble hearing Nathan's response.

"Yes, you were cheating off me. And you know that. You couldn't pass a freaking test anywhere, anytime without cheating. And why? You're a lazy bum! You ride your way taking off other people's work! I'm tired of you! The world would do better without you!!!"

Nathan turned and sprinted off along the main street. Stan and Joe were stunned until Stan realized what happened. "We gotta get him!" he yelled. Joe ran after Nathan, but Stan jogged out the other way. Ernie guessed he wanted to organize a search party. He waited until both Joe and Stan were far enough, away then ran after Joe. He felt emphathy for Nathan after being on the receiving end of beatings and bullyings.

Nathan had a good lead, charged by his anger and andrenaline. Joe was tough, but he didn't have lasting speed or endurance. Ernie was definetely the best distance runner of the group. He took a road paralell from the main road when he got close to Joe, so Joe would not notice him. On the side road, he soon came up to Nathan, who was panting for air.
Ernie looked concerned. "Are you alright?" he asked.

Nathan answered with another question: "Is he off my trail?"

"Not yet, but I have an idea."

Ernie walked out to the bus stop on the main road and sat down. Joe came up to him a half-minute later.

"Whatcha running for, Joe?" Ernie innocently asked.

"Have you seen Nathan run by?"

"Yeah, he went off that way." Ernie pointed in the direction opposite of Nathan's actual location. Joe ran off, and Ernie went back to Nathan.

Nathan inquired, "Is he gone?"

"Yes, you better go home before they figure out I tricked them. Stan is gathering a search party."

"Thanks so much! See you around."

Nathan jogged away in the direction of his house. Ernie waited for the bus.

Wow, I honestly really like this story. Where did you find this idea? I also really like how everything we have today is so old fashioned in the book, because it's the future. And you were right about reading it slowly, it makes it so much better. Please, keep on writing this book, or else I'll cry.

Hellp, SuperSquirrel! I reviewed the first chapter of this a little while ago, and I never did find out whether I was helpful or not, so I really hope you don’t mind if I read a second chapter as well. (If I’m being obnoxious, don’t hesitate to tell me—I promise I’ll shut up and keep my uneducatedness to myself. ) But I quite liked your first chapter, and since reviewing Sunday has rolled around and things have calmed down considerably at my work, I thought I’d stop by.

Well, this was an interesting change of pace—I think it’s kind of neat that you stopped to show us both a little bit of Ernie’s childhood and a glimpse at the world before the changes that affected it so much—how it developed into a dystopia, even if we’re only seeing it from a child’s perspective. One thing I really like about it is how it showed us a little bit more of Ernie’s character, making it a little bit easier to get attached to him and understand him.

I definitely feel as though I understand Ernie’s character a little more now, and I’m a bit more sympathetic to him, because I feel like I’ve gotten more of a real glimpse at his emotions, his likes and dislikes, and who he is as a person. His actions in this chapter also gave him some good characterization, like the way he sticks up for the kid being bullied at school—I feel like I actually have a reason to root for his character, which to my dismay is something I find rare in protagonists these days. Despite there being some elements of coldness and disinterest in his character, I also think there is a good deal of kindness. I think this is also good foreshadowing for the development of his character later—how he begins to turn against the coldness of the world he lives in as an adult. The version of him portrayed in the opening chapter was sort of robotic, but this version of him shows the humanity that lies under all that—the part of him that can overcome his world’s dismissal of individuals and creativity and become an individual in his own right. I’m excited to see what direction his character is going to take from here on out.

I do think that there’s still a bit of a telling vs. showing problem in the narration, even though it’s much, much less noticeable than it was in chapter one. It’s not necessarily crippling—sometimes, I actually think it’s rather effective. In the scene where the two bullies and Nathan are introduced, I think Ernie’s matter-of-fact description of them works very well—I read it as less about telling their personalities and more about showing the colder side of Ernie, the side of him that has sort of grown indifferent to individuals and their struggles (reducing them to short blurbs about their roles in the social group), rather as the world around him will with time. In that way, I think it was sort of an effective character building set of sentences.

But in other places, it’s not so effective. The first few paragraphs are another part of the story that gives me a definite “list” feeling—like “Ernie lived here. While here, he did this. Then he lived there. Other people did that.” Especially problematic are lines like “but a single incident influenced him strongly.” The problem with that is, the reader should read about the incident for themselves and realize—through Ernie’s character development, through how he changes, through how he might think of that event years from now—that it influenced him strongly. In short, don’t inform the readers “this is the part you should care about”—let them figure it out for themselves.

A couple quick nitpicks before I go:

A rather small community, it had officially become a town eight years earlier. Kinsad was a model communtity for those

The earliest memories that Ernie had were of his parent's small rented house in Kinsad. By his house, there was a playground where he spent his early summers.

The repetition here—of “community” in the first sentences and “house” in the seconds group—is a little bit jarring, since the matching words are so close together. I’d try to rephrase a little.

Ernie creeped into the bushes along the edge,

I think it’s “crept,” actually—both Word and I are pretty sure “creep” isn’t actually a word.

In any case, I think this chapter had a lot of interesting developments in It, and I’d really like to get to know the characters and the world better and move into the story more. I hope you won’t mind if I tag along for awhile (and like I said, do tell me if you do—I know I’m no great shakes at reviews ;_; ). There’s definitely something exciting developing here, and I want to be there alongside this plot as it develops. See you in chapter three, if you don’t mind.