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55th Floor: Chapter 3



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Tue Jul 13, 2010 1:03 am
SuperSquirrel says...



Ernie walked into his office at Cibus. Meagan, his secretary, handed him his schedule for the day.

"Well," Ernie remarked, "it looks like today is less busy than most."

"I believe they let you take a small break because you had to go to that store. They don't make people travel that often anymore. I heard something happened on your way back."

"Yes. I was riding in the automatic car when it hit a slippery patch and spun out. It h—"

"The car spun out by itself? Are you sure autopilot was enabled? I haven't heard such a thing in years. Autopilot never failed for me."

"The car hit the snowbank and st—"

"I wonder why the car spun out? You might want to look into that. You might win a lawsuit."

"No thanks. So anyway, the car stopped dead, stuck in the sn—"

I can't believe this happened with all the new technology they've developed. There must be somebody that is to blame. Did you see any rogue drivers then?"

Ernie sighed and went to his desk. He looked at his schedule again, then started fielding calls. It was Cibus's policy to require managers to complete a portion of the work his or her employees did. He was the manager of the customer service department in the Boston-Maine District of Cibus, a chain of supermarkets and food distributors. His area stretched across Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine. Because he supervised the customer service department, he took the complaint calls from the worst of the worst.

Warning sirens went off. The PA system for the building sent out its programmed warnings. Its generic, pre-recorded voice called the attention of all the workers in the building.

"A rogue plane has been detected in your area. Please descend to the lower floors until the threat has passed. A rogue plane has been detected in your area. Please descend to the lower floors until the threat has passed."

The inhuman voice repeated its unemotional message many times. Ernie and Meagan, along with the other workers in the building, scurried toward the stairs. Cibus only rented a few floors in the building. The building owner's protocol required a quick, quiet, and orderly exit of the upper floors. Because it was built to the latest building codes, its stairs were wide enough to fit the mass exodus of people from the upper floors.

"55th floor, you may exit," the dry, robotic voice stated. Ernie and Meagan went down the stairs, along with the rest of Cibus's staff. They soon reached their section in the ten floors which were built underground. Meagan began to talk. Ernie guessed it was to allay her worry.

"What do you think it was this time? Did one of those Christian fanatics get a plane? Or is it from the Muslims? I don't like religion; it drives people to do crazy things. One guy said 'Religion is the opiate of the masses.' Who was that?"
Ernie grumbled, "Karl Marx."

"Didn't he have a comedy show? A really early one? And aren't those funny glasses made like him?"

"I don't think so. Karl Marx started Communism."

"I don't like Communism. Hitler killed a lot of Jews. That's why we have Israel."

"Meagan, Communism was in Russia and China. Fascism was in Germany."

"Maybe it's just a false alarm. Maybe it's a test. You know, we haven't had a test in a long time. This is probably a test. Yes, it's only a test."

Ernie himself was too busy worrying to be able to assure Meagan. The hoped the warning was only a test. Ever since the E22 scare, rogue planes were treated like fires, earthquakes, or tornadoes. Each had its own thought-out plan.

E22 was as defining for America in its third century as the Civil War and World Wars combined was for the rest of its life. It caused the secession of Silicia, extensive ecological damage, and the downfall of the Republicans. E22 began on March 11, 2022, as a simple — compared to all that it became — oil spill. The circumstances were not unlike the Deepwater Horizon blowout. The event that set it apart happened two days later.

On March 13, 2022, two oil rigs were almost simultaneously hit with suicide planes. Without knowing this tragedy, a panel of researchers determined the cause of the first rig's explosion was a bomb, planted by a worker on the rig. Terrorists had never hit the U.S. so hard. Three oil rigs were now spewing their black mess over the West Coast and beyond. The international community knew very well how Deepwater Horizon had been taken care of. Now these rigs were deeper, larger, and farther from shore. Kane Roberts sure had a problem on his hands.

To be fair, very few presidents could have handled such a disaster. The first error President Hudson made was to require government control of the cleanup. The various oil companies already had a plan for quickly cleaning up a spill similar to the Deepwater Horizon. The plan existed not because a law was passed, but because the bad publicity BP received, once applied to the next oil company at fault, would smother its business.

The new technology the oil companies had developed for the purpose of cleaning up oil spills was not available to the government. Washington only had booms, burnings, and detergents to save wildlife, and even less experience on capping the wells. Coupled with a shortage of money, Hudson's administration could do little against the spill.

The three wells were still flowing, unrestricted, over five months past the attacks. Oregon, Washington, and northern California were enraged at Hudson's handling of the problem. Oregon took action first. On September 5, the General Assembly started a plan to cap the oil rigs and clean the shore. This plan had the advantage of Olivet, a regional oil company, helping with the cleanup.

Kane Hudson didn't like Oregon's action. He gave them one month to stop everything before he would take steps against them. Oregon continued with its plan. Washington, aided by Oregon, joined the cleanup on the 23rd of September. Newspapers and blogs recorded the tension increasing by the day. Would President Hudson finally accept help? Would Oregon give in? Would Oregon's defiance cause a second Civil War?
  





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Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:53 pm
TheEnigma says...



Really cool story. You started off really well with the back and forth between Meagan and Ernie. You characterized them both beautifully, just by having them speak. That is difficult to do, so kudos for that.
You have a great story going, but I didn't like how you switched from the present to the past so abruptly. I mean, I know you were trying to write it as part of Ernie's thoughts, but would a character really think that much on the spur of the moment? Maybe find another way to add in all that history?
Another thing: it's clear the story is set sometime in the future, but when in the future? Is it recently after the oil spill, or fifty years later? Clarify.
Good job. Keep writing!
  





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Sun Jul 25, 2010 9:22 pm
SporkPunk says...



Hey SuperSquirrel! I'm SporkPunk, and I'll be reviewing today. :D

I only have one real nitpick, and that's something the previous reviewer mentioned. The random monologue in the middle of all the action, why did you put the history there? I know it's your MC's thoughts, but that was unrealistic. Thoughts are generally shorter than that. Maybe you could find another way to insert that in there.

I really liked this piece. Especially the dialogue with Ernie and Meagan. You characterized them extremely well. Meagan's character made me laugh. :D

Keep Writing!

~Sporky
Grasped by the throat, grasped by the throat. That's how I feel about love. That it's not worth it.

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Sun Jul 25, 2010 9:29 pm
zankoku_na_tenshi says...



Hi SuperSquirrel! I continue to interrupt your writing. XD

But I have to say that I really, really, really liked this chapter, especially the beginning of it.

The conversations between Ernie and Meagan in this chapter were awesome in terms of everything, from character development to worldbuilding, and I also think that for some reason they were kind of hilarious. XD I think it was actually quite telling of the world in which they live that, frankly, Meagan simply didn’t care about what Ernie had to say when he spoke about his car accident, brushing off all his attempts at talking about the actual situation with pointless musings about what might have been wrong with the car, and constantly ignoring him. This was an awesome way to show the reader her selfishness and shallowness, how she’s more concerned with herself than anything else and how she’d rather hear herself talk then hear something that might change her worldview. It’s both great characterization of her and of the world in which she lives, a world where people are apathetic and more consumed with the trivial and the shallow than with actually important things.

Their second conversation is my favorite, though, because it show how, along with a lot of individuality and creativity, a lot of learning and history seems to have passed out of this world as well. It was also a really effective satire of the ignorance prevalent in our own world of today—I have to admit, it was funny, yet also with a tinge of despair—the realization that Meagan’s complete lack of awareness about the world around her wouldn’t really be out of place in the world of today. Actually, the showing versus telling problem was all but eliminated in this chapter—I really feel like I’m being allowed to draw more conclusions for myself than I was in earlier chapters.

What we learned about the story’s world was also pretty interesting in this chapter. I’ve read a lot of dystopian stories, but I have to admit I’ve never encountered one with an oil spill as the trigger for the change in the world. It’s unique, and it works well—I am definitely interested to see how this functions as the catalyst for the secession and the chaos related to it. You have me pretty hooked—I really want to learn more about this world, and how Ernie and the girl he met back in chapter one are going to get caught up in it.

The only complaint I have is the same as Enigma’s, actually—this seems like a little much for Ernie to all be going over in his head at the spur of the moment, in a situation as intense as this one. Honestly, it actually kind of feels like it’s a big distraction from the events that I’m actually interested in, the ones with Ernie and Meagan. I feel a little like I’m being interrupted with an infodump when what I really want to know about is the plot and characters. Maybe you could include a few flashes forward to what's going on in the building with Ernie and Meagan, what they are thinking and doing, and interweave that with the story of the past?

Only a couple of little nitpicks:

I can't believe this happened with all the new technology they've developed. There must be somebody that is to blame. Did you see any rogue drivers then?"

Oops, forgot to open quotes.

The building owner's protocol required a quick, quiet, and orderly exit of the upper floors. Because it was built to the latest building codes, its stairs were wide enough to fit the mass exodus of people from the upper floors.

The repetition of “upper floors” here comes off as a little redundant—we already know that it’s the upper floors they’re leaving.

I really hope I’m not getting on your nerves with my lame reviews here, but I have to say that I enjoyed this chapter a lot more than the previous two, and I can’t wait to see in what direction it’s going to develop. Hope to see the next chapter soon! ^_^
"The world is not beautiful, therefore, it is." --Kino's Journey

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