Young Writers Society

What is life? Is it something that only exists once, or does it recycles itself over and over after it expires each time?
None know the correct answer, but people do know this; Life only happens in a short amount of time before it ends, so people should use it fully, enjoying life as it comes.

Well that’s what they think, so they should believe that. I wish that I never knew the truth. Then I wouldn’t be suffering all this loneliness. I’ll be living ignorantly, like everyone else, safe from the truth; safe from the Truth about Life.
Usually, one would say; “It all began when…” but not for me. I don’t even know when it began. I just know that it’s happening. Over and over. My undying soul witnesses the cycles of Life, and how I wish I couldn’t see the dying souls become slaves to their own selves.

So, I shall recreate my own beginning. Starting when the first time I began to feel my own emotions drain away…
I feel nothing. Emotions bring on pain to one’s soul, so when I realized I lacked the slightest bit of love for the one next to me, I began to realize that I was losing the ability to love. After love drained away from my soul, next followed pain; envy; lust; greed. Every one of my emotions drained away, leaving me like a shell, causing a new feeling to grow and nurture in my soul; loneliness.

So while I started to drain away, I had decided to become a Sweeper. The age where I lived then was peaceful, but even in peace; evil and darkness is able to seep into the very purest of souls. So I had decided to remove the darkness from whence it appeared. Sweepers are rarely seen in this time, but they still thrive for assassins are still employed by hidden gangs and corrupt leaders and companies.

Yes, this world was peaceful to those who chose to ignore the very existence of the corrupt souls. But I am unable to ignore the very thought evil, so I acted on my own. I hunted down every living breathing thing that possessed such darkness, saving them from their own selves.

So, I was feared by them all. I was the very thing I wanted to eradicate from the world. I came to realize that my heartlessly cold killings were due to the fact that age had drained the most precious treasure of a soul: Emotions.
That was when I met him…

Hello,
This is a piece of work I started a while ago, and I really like this one. I've finished the paper copy of my other story, but that won't ever come out on public sites as I held a vote on its contents being read online with my friends. So, do enjoy this story, Life, which I think may be a fantastic story - Please, attack me if you notice grammar and spelling errors. I know my tenses are bad, so point them out to me please! Enjoy!
Fantasy

Edit: I've broken up the paragraphs to make it look and feel smoother, instead of being just one big bulk of text. And I've changed the errors spotted by reviewers.

Quite an intense introduction with fairly deep views on life. I was intrigued by the opening. I do suggest a smoother transition between the disscusion of deep philosophy and the modern adventure kind of opening dealing with assassins (Sweepers). It seemed like we had taken a sudden detour into a different story. Just my impression. Still very good!

Dun dun dun! I think I almost wrote a story like this a while ago. But, I was lazy and didn't want to start it. So I'm glad that the idea has significantly captivated you, and I'm absolutely positive that you'll do a wonderful job on it.

Now, this is probably just me, but I would lovelovelove to see you just dive into the action. You have an interesting introduction that piques the reader, and I kind of adore it that you have a similar idea to mine (squeee!) but let's see you just dive right in. I'm sure it'll be amazing, even without the prologue.

I finally found your prolouge! I have been looking for it. Anyway.
I liked this. I am one for a vague prolouge myself so the questions I am going to ask are just me wondering. Don't feel like you have to answer them in the prolouge.
[quote="Fantasydotcom"]What is life? Is it something that only exists once, or does it recycles itself over and over after it expires each time?
None know the correct answer, but people do know this; Life only happens in a short amount of time before it ends, so people should use it fully, enjoying life as it comes.
Well that’s what they think, so they should believe that. I wish that I never knew the truth. Then I wouldn’t be suffering all this loneliness. I’ll be living ignorantly, like everyone else, safe from the truth; safe from the Truth about Life.
Usually, one would say; “It all began when…” but not for me. I don’t even know when it began. I just know that it’s happening. Over and over. My undying soul witnesses the cycles of Life, and how I wish I couldn’t see the dying souls become slaves to their own selves.
Sometimes Truth isn't capatalized.
So, I shall recreate my own beginning. Starting when the first time I began to feel my own emotions drain away…
I feel nothing. Emotions bring on pain to one’s soul, so when I realized I lacked the slightest bit of love for the one next to me, I began to realize that I was losing the ability to love. After love drained away from my soul, next followed pain; envy; lust; greed. Every one of my emotions drained away, leaving me like a shell, causing a new feeling to grow and nurture in my soul; loneliness.
You say emotions bring pain to one's soul, and then you talk about love... Why don't you talk about pain first since you opened with pain or tie love in with pain?
So while I started to drain away, I had decided to become a Sweeper. The age where I lived then was peaceful, but even in peace; evil and darkness is able to seep into the very purest of souls. So I had decided to remove the darkness from whence it appeared. Sweepers are rarely seen in this time, but they still thrive as assassins are still employed by hidden gangs and corrupt leaders and companies.
The blue sentence doesn't really make sense. You are making a simile but I don't know how sweepers and assassins are similar. Or are they the same thing? What does the lack of emotions have to do with being a sweeper?
Yes, this world was peaceful to those who chose to ignore the very existence of the corrupt souls. But I am unable to ignore the very thought evil, so I acted on my own. I hunted down every living breathing thing that possessed such darkness, saving them from their own selves.
Why does evil bother you so much?
So, I was feared by them all. I was the very thing I wanted to eradicate from the world. I came to realize that my heartlessly cold killings were due to the fact that age had drained the most precious treasure of a soul; Emotions.
That was when I met him…
I loved this part. Very dramatic. The semicolon is used wrong though. Try a colon instead and put emotions in lowercase.

I know I did a lot of nitpicking. Sorry. I think your story is really cool though. It is more of a compliment than nagging.
I want chapter three!
Megsug

Megsug,

It's great you finally found the prolgue (I read your previous comments). Some of the things you've pointed out are actually key elements of the story, except for some grammar errors.

Sweepers are rarely seen in this time, but they still thrive as assassins are still employed by hidden gangs and corrupt leaders and companies

This sentence is a grammar error. Thanks for spotting it. It should actually be:

Sweepers are rarely seen in this time, but they still thrive; for assassins are still employed by hidden gangs and corrupt leaders and companies

I think this might make more sense. I was not trying to make a simile, but an explaination. Thanks for seeing that error.

So, I was feared by them all. I was the very thing I wanted to eradicate from the world. I came to realize that my heartlessly cold killings were due to the fact that age had drained the most precious treasure of a soul; Emotions.

Yeah, it should be:

So, I was feared by them all. I was the very thing I wanted to eradicate from the world. I came to realize that my heartlessly cold killings were due to the fact that age had drained the most precious treasure of a soul: Emotions.

There are three words in this whole text that remain capitalized for a reason, later explained in further chapters. And one of your questions may be answered soon.

I only have on paragraph of chapter three typed up, please be patient, lol.

Thankyou to the the rest of you for commenting. I'll keep them in mind.

Fantasy

Sweeper?
If this is a prolouge, then its the perfect time to explain without being harassed for 'too much details' and whatnot.
And, you should explain, or your reader will be confused.
Overall, its a nice little beginning, and I can see you have major potential.

Keep writing
~WickedWonder

wickedwonder wrote:Sweeper?
If this is a prolouge, then its the perfect time to explain without being harassed for 'too much details' and whatnot.
And, you should explain, or your reader will be confused.
Overall, its a nice little beginning, and I can see you have major potential.

Keep writing
~WickedWonder

Wicked, um, prologues don't have to be informative all the time - I'm aiming for the mysterious approach to a story. If you read chapter 1 and 2 through, you'll get more of the idea what is going on the story, hence the use of chapters. My prologues are usually a taster into the story. My target is a confused and interested reader. If you are implying that you have no interest, then I'll atempt a rewrite. The "harrassment for detail" is from Megsug who has read the 2 xchapters and is waiting patiently (i hope ) for the next chapter which explains some questions. I'm not trying to cause a debate on use of prologues, but this is how I prefer to use my prologues. If there is, however, a large number of readers who feel that my prolgue is somewhat lacking in some explaination, then please tell me, and I'll immediately change it. I really want a pleasing story which on the whole is not too vague for the reader and doesn't make the story too predictable.

Fantasy

What is life? Is it something that only exists once, or does it recycles itself over and over after it expires each time?

I really like this opening.

None know the correct answer

It's "No one knows the correct answer,"

My undying soul witnesses the cycles of life[no comma] and how I wish I couldn’t see the dying souls become slaves to their own selves.

I really liked your piece. You didn't have a lot of mistakes and it was well written. So, I say "Bravo!". I think it could be improved, if you want to improve it; Give me a PM. If not, I don't want to waste time typing it. I lovelovelovelove how you wrote this & jumped right into action. (: Sorry if I missed anything. Good luck!
- L