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Young Writers Society


Life [Chapter 1]



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Fri Sep 17, 2010 6:00 pm
Fantasydotcom says...



Encounter

“Ahh! It’s HOT”
“What would you like to order, Sir?”
“Iced Water! And some vanilla ice cream!”
“Sir, this is not an ice cream serving facility.”
“What? No ice cream? Fine!” There was a click of a gun.
“S-sir!”
“Then I’d like to take him with me!”
The young man grinned at the waiter; his gun pointed at the figure leaning over the bar across the room. The figure moved, pushing his half empty pint away from himself.
“S-s-sir! That’s-,” The waiter paled, recognizing the figure for who he was.
“Max Morgan; the ruffian who thinks that he owns the town. Kills anyone who gets in his way; even those who accidently walk into his path. And has a bounty of 32’000Gr. Rather a fair price for you, Maxy my lad.” The man laughed lightly, his gun still aimed at the figure.
“Seems you know me, little boy.” The figure turned and faced the young man. He was tall, yet his bulk increased the fact of his power of strength.
“Wow! The boulder speaks!”
Max frowned. His hideous face turning red from rage. I noticed him slip his hand into a pocket inside his coat. His fingers curling around a trigger. Max was known for being as slippery as an eel.
“So, are you going to come nicely, or are you going to resist?” The man carried on, “You see, I’ve got an appointment with the banker about a 32’000Gr debt. And you are just enough to pay it off.”
I watched with interest. This young man was funny, yet, deadly. It’s always the same, those who seem like they are nothing but talk, usually have some kind of ace in the pocket. I so desperate to see what this man could pull against the giant, but I had already set my eyes on the prey; and I was not prepared to hand it over. I went in for the kill.

What everyone else would have seen would have been the target collapsing slowly, after a rose of blood bloomed on his chest; right on his heart. Then they would have seen the giant disappear from sight. About ten minutes later, a report would have come in that the Max Morgan was taken into custody admitting all his crimes and begging to be punished. His captor was none other than; The Shadow. The 32’000Gr reward would then be split and given to all the victim’s families’ as compensation. That’s how I worked.

After disposing of my reward, I had decided to stroll along the streets and try to find any wanted posters. Posters are what keep the sweepers informed of business and of who is still out there with a price on their heads. The posters were usually displayed discreetly, out of public view; only those looking for them could find the posters. This was to keep the general public out of panic when ever an extremely dangerous one comes to town, and also to keep those weak brave souls out of harms’ way.
I spotted one; pinned neatly in the shadow of a lamppost. Only a small corner of the paper was visible to the public eye, but dismissed as rubbish caught between the pole and the wall.
I strode towards it. Dodging the crowds of people, heading to their own destinations, I reached out to snatch the paper from the wall. The paper was almost in my hands when –,
“I thought you would come.”
I froze, pulling my hand away from the poster. Was it a trap for sweepers? No, more like a way to get those sweepers who don’t want anything from others to be cornered. Like me.
“I never would have guessed that the Shadow was after the same target as me!”
That voice! Of course, it was that young man from earlier. What does he want?
“Not talking, eh? Well, look at it this way. You were there when I explained nicely to Maxy that I needed to pay off my debts. So couldn’t you have just left him to me? Couldn’t you see I was handling the situation?” The voice was getting angrier.
I turned to face the young man. He was startled at first, but he quickly hid that fact by stepping forward.
“Oh, I see! A pretty boy!” He laughed.
I was not angered. He must have noticed, for he swore and stepped back.
“Okay, not a nice pretty boy.”
I was calm and cold.
“What? You don’t like being called pretty? Sorry, bro’, but you are kind of on the girly side.”
I stared at him. “So, to your eyes, I am nothing more than a, what did you say…Pretty Boy?”
The young man laughed nervously. It must have been a first for him to be treated in this way. “Jeez! You are so cold! Can’t even crack a smile, or show some irritation, can you?”
“Such emotions are lost to me.” I replied, knowing full well that for others, emotions are constantly taken for granted.
“Hey! You can’t lose an emotion. Sure you sometimes lack it, but that’s because another emotion is overpowering it.”
I stared right at him. “Thank you for saying that. But I am emotionless.” I turned back for the poster.
“Hey! I’m not done talking! You took my money bag!”
“Money bag?”
“Yeah. Max Morgan. His bounty was worth quite a lot, you know that, right?”
“Is that so? How much was he worth again?”I reached for my pocket, “32’000Gr was it?”
The young man was angry again. I could sense it. His own emotions that he could freely use. “What the hell are you going on about?”
“I’ll write a check of that reward money and give it to you in compensation of taking your hunt.”
His pride was hurt. I could sense that as well. As I had lost my own, I was no able to sense other’s emotions, so that helped me to attack at the right time whenever my prey felt the slightest bit of hesitation or fear.
“You cocky son of a-,” he swore, drawing his gun.
He felt no fear in drawing his weapon against me. The very thing of fear for everyone, including those who were my allies in some way. All was determination and…hatred.
“Fascinating.”
“What?”
“You have no fear in you at all. All I can sense from you is the very thing I want to destroy, but, you are different. Different in some strange way that even I cannot know what it is.” I stepped towards him, staring at him intently. What is he? I asked myself this countless times after meeting him. His bright blue eyes, full of emotions which I lacked, stared right back at me.
He was now confused, but still determined.
“Why did you seek me out?”
The young man paused, and then grinned. “I wanted to meet you, and get you to do me a favor in return for stealing my money bag.”
“What is this favor?”
The young man was now hesitant. Strange. “Wow, you actually want to know? And I heard that you avoid others and rarely help anyone out with favors.”
“That is because they will owe me a debt, and they never really pay me back, except trying to stab me in the back.” I had this problem several times before, which is why I never helped anyone with favors, unless… “However, it would seem that I owe you some compensation. You do not want money, as I have already realized that you have pride that will not allow you to take the money.” Because of your absolutely strong will and determination, “so, I shall do you this one favor. What do you ask of me?”
“Allow me to become your partner.”
I flinched. For the first time in a long time, I was shocked. So, I still had some emotion left. But not much, by the look of it, as I immediately lost that feeling again. I closed my eyes, enjoying the fading memory of the emotion I had just experienced.
“Hey, I won’t stab you in the back or anything, ok?”
I opened my eyes again. This person could coax out my own soul’s treasure. How extraordinary.
“Very well. What is your name?”
The young man was startled. “What? That was too easy? You are seriously letting me become your partner? You’ve never had a partner ever! What makes me so different?”
“It’s a favor. Don’t you want me to grant you this favor?” I started to turn away.
“No! I do want to become your partner. It’s just so strange that you’d let me. Considering your history.”
“My history?”
“Well, yeah. You’re said to be a right loner and hate to have partners, ‘cause you have to share the profits.”
I raised an eyebrow at this. The young man then coughed into his hand.
“Well, that’s what I heard.”
“So tell me your name.”
The young man looked away, “its Arrow. Sharp Shooting Arrow.”
I sighed. Sweepers these days used such strange aliases that are so useless. “No, your name, not nickname.”
“Then tell me yours! You call yourself The Shadow!” The young man was on guard now. Of course he was. He was not going to give me his name without a fight. However, I do not want to argue for a name.
“I never called myself that. Everyone just called me that. I never liked it before, but now it’s stuck. My actual name is Amethyst Quartz. It’s a name given to me by my parents. We cared for jewels in the past generations. But, you can call me what you like.”
“Err…….Right. I’ll call you…um…” The young man stopped, lost for words by the looks of it, “well, my name is Rowe Thompson.”
I nodded, “Okay then, Rowe. I’ll meet you back at that bar where Mr. Morgan was last seen.” I turned back, again, for the poster.
“That’s just a dummy.” Rowe called out, sheepishly.
I glanced at his reddening face.
“I really wanted to meet you, ok.” Rowe was now staring at the ground. He had already holstered his gun, and his hands were now shoved deeply into his pockets.
I sighed, and then started striding off back into the crowds, intent on finding another poster. Valid this time.
“I’ll meet you at McCaffiny then!” Rowe shouted at me.
I ignored him. He had already wasted several minutes of time. Time spent on searching for posters.
  





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Sat Sep 18, 2010 12:30 pm
megsug says...



I liked it but I might have missed a prolouge or something because I was really confused about who was narrarating for a while. Maybe you could clear that up a little.
The dialouge especially between The Shadow and the other bounty hunter was kind of wooden. It felt like you were trying to explain who The Shadow was and what he was doing without making him tell you in a monolouge. That is a good thing but if you could make it more natural that would be better.
I do like the characters. All of this is a great idea. Keep writing.
Megsug
  





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Sun Sep 26, 2010 8:09 pm
Waterlilygirl says...



Hi, I thought this was quite interesting.

I stared at him. “So, to your eyes, I am nothing more than a, what did you say…Pretty Boy?”

After "I stared at him." Should be a new line.
So it would look like:
I stared at him.

“So, to your eyes, I am nothing more than a, what did you say…Pretty Boy?”


“You cocky son of a-,” he swore, drawing his gun.

Again, no comma needed after the 'a-'

The young man paused, and then grinned.

“I wanted to meet you, and get you to do me a favor in return for stealing my money bag.”

Shouldn't be in the same line. Dialogue has its own line.

The young man was now hesitant. Strange.

“Wow, you actually want to know? And I heard that you avoid others and rarely help anyone out with favors.”

Same as before.

Well thats about all I can find. Hope this helps. :smt003

Have a nice day :)
-Waterlilygirl
JUST SMILE
  








Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
— Pablo Neruda