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Life [Chapter 2]



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Fri Sep 17, 2010 6:35 pm
Fantasydotcom says...



Chocolate Muffins and Chilled Iced Tea

I remember this part so vividly. Possibly because of the chocolate, or the strong aroma from the tea; I don’t know why, but I just know that this happened.
I entered the bar several hours later, with no luck of finding any posters. This town was now clear of wanted men, so it was time to move on. In a few more months though, this place would be crawling with evil once again.
I barely had a chance to look round the room before he shouted me.
“Hey! Q! Over here!”
He was sat at one of the small round tables by the bar, waving at me. I strode quickly over to him.
“Wow, you changed your clothes, and hair!” Rowe commented as he passed a glass of brown liquid to me once I had seated.
“This is how I usually look when I’m not working.”
Rowe stared at me, “You definitely don’t look like a killer sweeper now, especially with that hair now tied back and dyed blonde. Jeez, your loose black hair really can give one a heart attack. Don’t tell me you did it all for me. The jeans and coat look nice and all, but…” He sighed dramatically, “I’m just not into men, you see.”
“Fortunately, I don’t really care if you like men or not. But, for working together, I’d prefer you to stay well away from me if you wish to express your heartfelt love towards me, or I will kill you.”
Rowe gaped at me for a moment before downing his drink, “You really can’t take a joke.”
I raised the glass to my nose, “What is this?”
Rowe went mad…
“You’ve never had Cola before? It’s been around for ages! Come on; get a grip on life will you! First you wear those weird black clothes, like that freak singer; Michael Jackson from centuries ago. In general public you dress like a girl. And now you don’t know what Cola is? God, what world are you living in?” Rowe leaned back in his chair, shaking his head.
“I have not tasted Cola before, so I’d prefer to have something I know.”
I raised my hand to signal a waiter, “Excuse me, I drink only Chilled Ice Tea, not Cola.”
The waiter bowed in apology, “Sorry Mr. Quartz. I’ll bring you refreshment on the house.”
Rowe watched the waiter scurry away the glass, “So you’re a regular customer here? Coincidence?”
“With what?” I asked, leaning forward in my chair.
“That you happen to be a regular customer here, and that Max Morgan just happens to walk in? I received a tip that he was meeting some girlfriend.” Rowe glanced around, “But it seems that the girlfriend made no show.”
I stared at Rowe thoughtfully. “You are extremely sharp. I was the one who invited Max Morgan here. He was the lured into the perfect trap. Ah, thank you.” I accepted the glass from the returned waited.
“Excuse me, Mr. Quartz. You have a call from Mr. Stickleworth.”
“Denied.”
The waiter disappeared from the table.
“Who is Stickleworth?” Rowe asked, his eyes staring at me intently.
“Someone who was my contact for Max Morgan; Stickleworth sold out his client for some of my many talents.”
“And they would be?”
“My charm.”
Rowe burst out laughing. “You mean you seduced him into thinking you were a girl? You didn’t really…” He hiccupped.
“No, we had planned to meet again. But as you see, I denied meeting him.”
“Bloody hell! You are a dangerous one!” Rowe wiped a tear from his eye.
“Of course. One who has no emotions is dangerous as they feel no fear, love or guilt.”
Rowe sobered up. “You are strange.”
I ignored him, taking some interest in the food that was placed in the middle of the table.
“Those are Chocolate Muffins. You know what they are right?”
I picked one up. They smelled rich in sweetness. “Too sweet.”
Rowe scowled. He took one of the three muffins from the plate and tucked into it.
I took the opportunity to look around the room. The place was busy now, like usual. Except when Max arrived on scene earlier, the place had practically emptied itself of women and children. Only a few men left, the rest watched warily. But now, the place was as lively as a bee’s nest. Children laughing and running around. Families enjoying their meals. It was like the typical family café. Who would have thought that only hours ago, a dangerous wanted man was apprehended by the most feared sweeper, The Shadow.
“So, I’ve booked a room here for us tonight. We can leave here once we find a job.” Rowe said, swallowing the cake.
“Ok. I’ll be on the lookout for any more jobs.” I sipped at my tea.
Rowe looked at me with disgust as I drank. “That stuff is really bitter you know.”
I ignored him.
“Now chocolate and cola, that’s a different story…”
“Excuse me sir, could you book me another room?”
“Oi! I was only making a comment. No need to book another room!”
“Another room, sir?”
“No! He was kidding, kidding…right?”
I sighed heavily as I watched Rowe chase the waiter away. My life will most definitely get more interesting with this fellow following me.

Okay, I know there are some spelling errors or some grammar errors in this peice...I just haven't found tham all yet.
This is the last fully typed up chapter of life so far, so please be patient for the next chapter - Its on paper somewhere; So I've got to go through all my paper files (Which happen to be stored in 2 massive plastic boxes on top of my wardrobe).

Here are some quick questions I need to ask about my work, as I can't exactly ask myself:

What gender is The Shadow?
Is it really obvious?
Can you understand who is generally talking?
Are you confused / curious about Shadow and Rowe?

Thanks. I can't really ask myself, as I kinda know the answers you see.

Fantasy
My Pages:
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/page.php?id=805
Feel free to read and enjoy!
  





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Gender: Female
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Sat Sep 18, 2010 1:11 pm
megsug says...



Hi Fantasy.com
Okay... Answers to your questions first.
I'm not sure. I think male since the waiter called him Mr. Quarts, but if he looks like a girl maybe his is a girl.
So... no it is not obvious. Did you mean it to be?
I am interested in these characters. The Shadow's lack of emotion is very unclear and I want to know why he's like that. Rowe is just a cool character, and I like his personality.
I am very confused. I like to know what gender the main character is, and personally, I am stumped as I have already told you. Why is he emotionless? Why doesn't he like chocolate? Who doesn't like chocolate? How doesn't he know what cola and chocolate muffins are? How did he get into the Sweeper business? Is he gay? Is he a man?
For Rowe I do not have as many question if only because he is less mysterious. Why is he a sweeper? Why is he always so talkative? Why does he eat like a teenager? Coke and chocolate is my dream meal. Is he a teenager?

I think that is all of your questions.

I still think your dialouge is there for the purpose of describing the character. Rowe's personality livens it up a bit but it still comes off forced.
Okay. I hope I have answered all of your questions to your satisfaction.
Megsug
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Gender: Female
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Sun Sep 19, 2010 1:10 pm
Fantasydotcom says...



megsug wrote:Hi Fantasy.com
Okay... Answers to your questions first.
I'm not sure. I think male since the waiter called him Mr. Quarts, but if he looks like a girl maybe his is a girl.
So... no it is not obvious. Did you mean it to be?
I am interested in these characters. The Shadow's lack of emotion is very unclear and I want to know why he's like that. Rowe is just a cool character, and I like his personality.
I am very confused. I like to know what gender the main character is, and personally, I am stumped as I have already told you. Why is he emotionless? Why doesn't he like chocolate? Who doesn't like chocolate? How doesn't he know what cola and chocolate muffins are? How did he get into the Sweeper business? Is he gay? Is he a man?
For Rowe I do not have as many question if only because he is less mysterious. Why is he a sweeper? Why is he always so talkative? Why does he eat like a teenager? Coke and chocolate is my dream meal. Is he a teenager?

I think that is all of your questions.

I still think your dialouge is there for the purpose of describing the character. Rowe's personality livens it up a bit but it still comes off forced.
Okay. I hope I have answered all of your questions to your satisfaction.
Megsug


Hi,
Thank you for reading and commenting.

I'm glad that Shadow's gender is a mystery. I've created him to be genderless as he is also emotionless. The next chapter may give out some hints about Shadow and Rowe ;)
I'm also glad that no one can find an actual plot or story yet, and are wanting to find out more. I'm trying out this new style of story writing and trying to use the concept of life - no one knows what happens in the future or present. I'm also trying to make the reader feel like they've just met these characters and don't know the full story, so must read on to find out about these characters before the story actually forms.

Rowe is my favourite character. He's like the hip hop version of fun. Chocolate and cola are my favourite meal as well.
Shadow is just a mystery - even to me. I'm writing about him/her, and I just can't get a firm hold on his/her character. It's like I'm tearing apart a mysterious character who just has many layers of personalities - but then again, I know his/her history, so I can piece him/her together.

I wrote a short mystery sumary about this story for my friends to read before they started to read this this. I haven't included it as its not really the story; but here it is:

The Shadow is the most feared Sweeper among Sweepers. The Shadow hunts down prey in one single sweep.
So when The Shadow encounters lively Sharp Shooting Arrow, who would expect these two different people to go on a journey together?
Arrow assumes Shadow is a cold hearted Sweeper because of a past occurrence.
Shadow assumes Arrow is just a fun loving fool who plays around with the Sweeper business.
Both are wrong.

Arrow has a dark past that haunts his every move.
Shadow is also hiding more than the fact that a shadow is unable to have emotions.


So what do you think?

By the way, I read your first comment in chapter 1, There is a prologue. And I will try to make the conversations less 'wooden'. I'm trying to make it mysterious but not stiff. I'm happy you pointed that out to me.

Fantasy
My Pages:
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/page.php?id=805
Feel free to read and enjoy!
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 12208
Reviews: 463
Wed Sep 22, 2010 1:05 am
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megsug says...



The summary is great. I don't mean to ge repeating things. I'm sorry if I come off as annoying.
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Gender: Female
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Fri Sep 24, 2010 5:00 pm
Fantasydotcom says...



megsug wrote:The summary is great. I don't mean to ge repeating things. I'm sorry if I come off as annoying.


You don't come off as annoying at all! You're like, the only one who keep sup with my work...I'm sorry, but chapter 3 won't be coming this weekend as I have relatives coming over from South Africa, so I have to give up my room (and computer) for the weekend. (My precious typing time!!!!). So I might not have enough time to type it up and post. So, please wait :D
Infact, you're the only one I sorta talk to on here ;)

fantasy
My Pages:
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/page.php?id=805
Feel free to read and enjoy!
  








i like that the title of dr jekyll and mr hyde makes a clear stance that the embodiment of one’s own evil doesn’t get a claim to the doctorate
— waywardxwallflower