Young Writers Society

Forward






I stared as my home was ransacked. The Strange Ones were destroying my house! The way they moved was slow and hypnotizing; when they spoke it caused panic in even the bravest of hearts. Here was a beastly creature that truly deserved its name. I watched blue-white fire coarse along the spine of my home, causing the outer sphere to collapse. Then I knew, the world was under invasion! Shock overcame me, I could not move! I stood helpless as a Strange One drifted up. It pointed its skeletal blue-fire rod at me slowly, prolonging the moment of dread, then pressed the button to kill. The world slowed down as the bludgeoning force of a thousand super-heated razors tore up my face, causing gashes that spidered across the melting skin.
Darkness ensued, screaming in the distance...Louder, louder, until...
I awoke in a cold sweat. I touched the scars on my face. The gashes had gone, but the smoke-markings were still there. This did not surprise me, for it was

Five years later.
The year 6200 was beginning.

Hi there! Here on YWS, we normally post things slowly. You, however, have put down seven chapters in twenty minutes. I suggest you slow down, or you may lose potential viewers.
I know that you've been here for more than a year now, but you apparently still need to be taught a few more YWS rules.
It's a great story, but remember, slow down!
Jenth

FLyerS wrote:Forward






The Strange Ones were destroying my house! Then I knew, the world was under invasion! Shock overcame me, I could not move! This did not surprise me, for it was

Five years later.
The year 6200 was beginning.

This start was a really good one, and I enjoyed it all. It creates a real effect which I loved and I really want to read the next chapters.

OK, I've quoted this part because I don't like exclamation marks. It's just me, but I think they disrupt the flow and make the writing seem too informal, so I think it would be better if it was just a full stop. It would create a bigger effect which would pull the readers' attention in. And, I've also quoted the last line because I really REALLY liked this line. I don't know what the year 6200 is yet, which really makes me want to read more. But, the "this did not surprise me, for it was

Five years later" OK, I don't know whether this big line space is meant to be here. I got a little confused here, but overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this, well done, keep writing!

PS. I read the comment before this one, and as I'm new here, I have no idea what he's going on about, and I don't see the problem with posting 7 chapters in 20 mins, I'll probably do that :/

Anyway,
Happy writing