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CUBE: Inside the Tesseract, Chapter Three



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Sat Jan 22, 2011 9:13 pm
Kafkaescence says...



When I wake, there are colors. They are familiar. Have I been here before?

A face is above me. He has eyes the colors of cubes.

His mouth is moving. I see the word.

“How?”

How? How what?

I look back. I see myself rearranging the network of cubes. It suddenly detonates. The wall shatters, and I, unconscious, fall forward. My body disappears as it passes the entrance.

Where did I go? Neither natural nor extradimensional memory can recall.

“Who are you?” I ask. I let the mist trail from my mouth, disappearing into his multicolored eyes.

“I have lived here forever. I know not who I am or was.” I realize what is strange about the eyes. Not their color. It seems normal for a place like this. It is the maniacal look that describes them that frightens me. The crazed ocular countenance of one who has survived, but wishes no longer to. Of one who has experienced horrors. Of one who has died many times.
I am scared of this man.

“Do you know where you are?” His pupils dart about anxiously, as one who is being hunted. I do not answer. I do not need to.

“This place is dangerous,” he whimpers, “yes, it is unsafe here...I must return...I must go back....” He suddenly grabs my shoulders and shakes me, glaring at me with his wide, deranged eyes. “We must leave! We will die here!” White mist dances off his body. His long, gray beard swings pendulously on his chin. “Why did you take me here? You have doomed us both!” He reaches down and frees a dagger from his belt. Swinging it about blindly, the ashen fog tornadoes around him, until suddenly his eyes close and he falls numbly into unconsciousness.

Staring at his floating body, I suddenly remember. The darkness. The voice. And the invisible cubes. This is the man I saw passing through the wall. He is so much older now. How long has he been inside? How long has he been forced to wander inside that infinite darkness? And how was it that I had discovered the way out so quickly, so effortlessly? The grace he had exhibited in the entering of the dark world has truly been diminished, overpowered by the lunacy that the darkness induces.

Where am I to go? At least I am no longer alone. Perhaps I can find sanity in this person. Perhaps I can convince him to trust me. Trust. I do not trust him. Not with his senseless eyes, or with his swinging dagger. The dagger that I know will be bloodied....

Emily.

I must find her. I must rescue her. Before she becomes like him.

“I’m sorry.” No, he does not say that. Not yet.

“I was not lying.”

“Who are you?” I retrieve the memory and thrust it at him.

“Hypra.” I had known his name. I could see it when I first entered.

“There is another.” No. Again, I am skipping ahead.

“We are not alone.” This is me, I think.

“Yes.” Me again. No, it cannot be me. How can it? “A girl.”

“Is she dead?” Where are we now? Emily’s body floats inanimately in front of us. Her golden hair shines like a mirror against the spectrum of colors. It is drifts spiderily above her head.

Back. I am too eager. What is happening?

“We must find her.” Who said that? It does not matter.

“Come.” That is Hypra. I follow the madman.

Now we see her, hovering there, shaped by hues.

“Is she dead?” I once again pass the moment of fear, of hopelessness.

Then I am over her. Looking down at her smooth face, her closed eyes....

Is that blood on her cheek? No, that is far away, not yet, not now.

I see a memory drip from my eye, float above her, drift onto the spot on her cheek that is not yet wounded. That is a tear, I realize. Just a tear.

I look over my shoulder. Where is Hypra? Where has he gone? Anguish clutches me. A dead girl. A delirious man. And me. This is the tesseract. This is my doom.

My doom.

The darkness flashes before me.

Come to me. Come to me. I am lonely. So lonely....

And then Hypra is there. But something is different. His eyes. They are wet.

The darkness upon him has lifted. He cries with me.

There is mist. It comes from below me. From the body I kneel beside. Emily. I realize I am holding her hand. What does this mean? Is it a sign of despair? No. It is a sign of love.

I see the cubes in the distance. What to they hold for me? What is their intent?

“Her fate has been determined.” What? But this is ahead, far ahead, and Hypra holds the dagger then, and what is to happen will never be forgotten.

“Look at the colors,” I will say, holding her hand again. Or do I say that now? It does not matter.

The fist hitting my face lurches me back to the present.

Emily is alive.

Her eyes are wide.

Her face is scared.

“Get away from me.” That is now. That is here.

I do. I do not notice that Hypra has disappeared.
#TNT

WRFF
  





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Sun Jan 30, 2011 8:40 pm
Lauren2010 says...



Hey Kafka! Chapter three must have slipped under my radar, well here I am to review again!

He has eyes the colors of cubes.

Was it said what color the cubes were? If not, it probably should ;)

“I’m sorry.” No, he does not say that. Not yet.

I thought he was unconscious?

“Who are you?” I retrieve the memory and thrust it at him.

Memory retrieval. Which memory is he retrieving? How does this process of memory retrieval and sharing of said memories work? It sounds interesting and I think the reader would like to know a tad more about it ;)

This chapter was far easier for me to understand than some of the others, mostly because it was understood that a lot of the conversation was meant to be jumbled and strange. Still, in the end I was confused again. How was Emily there again? Are they repeatedly jumping through time in the tesseract?

Maybe if some sort of explanation about how time/space don't run on the same rules in this universe/the universe of the tesseract as in the earthly universe in the first chapter would really help a reader be able to accept how everything is so jumbled. It kind of reminds me of Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut (if you haven't read it, you should, its a great book). The entire book jumps through time and space all the time, but in a way that is still more or less understandable. I think that's what you should move towards with this; it would be a shame if this story was disregarded just because of some small issues of understandablity.

Great job, and keep writing! PM me if you have any questions, or would like another review. :)

-Lauren-
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Sun Jan 30, 2011 9:50 pm
PaulClover says...



Clover here again!

This was by far the most accessible of the chapters; and look, there's even some dialogue! :) Haha, I kid.

Most of my criticisms have been put to rest here. While the story is still difficult to understand (and God, I LOVE that aspect), having the Protagonist interact with other people really helps ground the story (or, as grounded as this story will ever be, which is a GOOD thing!) and give the protagonist a more palpable sense of humanity.

Now for some more specific critique. Not really my thing, but I do have a couple of nitpicks.

I look over my shoulder. Where is Hypra? Where has he gone? Anguish clutches me. A dead girl. A delirious man. And me. This is the tesseract. This is my doom.

My doom.


Here, I would definitely delete the second "My doom." It's perfect just the way it is without a second statement.

“I have lived here forever. I know not who I am or was.” I realize what is strange about the eyes. Not their color. It seems normal for a place like this. It is the maniacal look that describes them that frightens me. The crazed ocular countenance of one who has survived, but wishes no longer to. Of one who has experienced horrors. Of one who has died many times.
I am scared of this man.


I would delete or move the last sentence here. It's kind of awkwardly placed, without a "proper" space between paragraphs. I'm sure this is just an oversight, though.

Overall, a really cool, mind-bender of a story. These types of stories are really hard to pull off in literature without feeling pompous or confusing, and you do a very commendable job of avoiding both (well, maybe not so much with the latter, but close enough :)) I recently saw your post about this story being "not too much of a success", and I would strongly urge you to re-evaluate this stance. I would mark this one under "success", no questions asked. I'm not sure if you're going to continue this story or not (I would prefer WAY more closure than this chapter gives, but that's just a matter of opinion), but if you do, I hope you do so knowing that you're an incredible writer, and this is an incredible story. As it is, this was a really well-done, interesting and mind-bending experiment, and I tip my hat to you sir :)
Remember your name. Do not lose hope — what you seek will be found. Trust ghosts. Trust those that you have helped to help you in their turn. Trust dreams. Trust your heart, and trust your story. - Neil Gaiman
  





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Tue Jun 14, 2011 6:47 am
TabbyGirl says...



Kafka, my dear! I believe this is the very first time that I've reviewed something of yours...

I was up late, bored, there was nothing to watch on TV, and I figured, why not read this?

So, this'll be a review of the whole book thus far, and I'm afraid to say a rather suckish one at that, as I don't think I'll find much to criticize, and I'm trusting that those who came before me addressed the important stuff.

Chapter one

ubiquitous lambency


*blinks*

See, Kafka, this makes me curious, because sometimes I'll be doodling up a little story, and I'll stop, and say to myself, "I need a really strong word to describe something," so, I'll head on over to dictionary.com, and find a suitable word. It might not be a word I knew beforehand, but I use it. So, did you actually know all of these words beforehand, or did you just put them in to make kids who are... what, almost a year older then you feel downright stupid? Heh, I'm mostly joshin' with you, I don't care where you get your vocab from, it was... impressive... or, perhaps, intimidating would be a better term.

I think in this chapter I was... kind of, um, well, I hate to put it bluntly, but, bored. Which means, obviously, that it's a flippin great piece of literature :P But really, it's not your fault. Not at all. I get the feeling that, deep down, this intricate sci-fi stuff isn't really my cup of tea (I'm more into beginner sci-fi... * begins to hum theme to Star Trek*). But I really and truly hope that something easier to read happens in the following chapters... you know, with dialect and easy understand stuff like that. I'm such a newb ^^ DESPITE my newbness, I actually understood some of the weird crap that happened, so, brava for that!

Chapter Dos

I've come to the conclusion (a conclusion you probably reached as soon as you began reading this review) that I am unfit to review this piece ):

But don't fret, I shall trek on! (*humm, hum*) I just thought I'd let you know that I'm about... a third of the way to completely lost. Not your fault, I assure you.

These prophecy cube things... weird, I was suddenly reminded of Harry Potter... heheh XD

I am sucked into the tesseract.


WAIT! He wasn't there yet?!?

*sigh* half way there...

Chapter Three

He has eyes the colors of cubes.


..... you do realize of course that that makes no sense? I mean, obviously your refering to the cubes in this story, but as I don't know what color the cubes in this story are, it does not make sense. I love this line ^^

As Paul said:

This was by far the most accessible of the chapters; and look, there's even some dialogue!


Amen to that! I get it! Well, I get most of this chapter, and parts of chapter one... and a little of chapter two, so, not everything, but enough that I'm eager for more!

I have to say, after reading this whole thing I'm curious about your MC. All I really know about him is, he's quite infatuated with this Emily character, and he's lived in a weird state (that is, apparantly, outside "The Tesseract") for nearly as long as he can remember. I guess that's the suspenseful part, yes? Yes. Well, in any case, I'm intrigued. If you ever post more, I'll probably notice, but if not, and you need a review, just let me know.

Sorry, a lot of this was rambling crap, but hey, I read all three chapters and I did my best. I hope, in some small way, I helped.

--
Tabz :P
  








Light griefs are loquacious, but the great are dumb.
— Seneca