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Uprising Ch. 2



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Sun Mar 20, 2011 4:22 am
SporkPunk says...



Spoiler! :
Hey! Here's the next chapter if you're planning on following. If you came here first and want to read the beginning, just go here Okay? Okay. :D


The boys were silent for a while as they picked their way through the alleys, the line of sagging brick buildings closing them in. A tired sun stretched above the two, reflecting in the pools of dingy rainwater collecting in the many potholes.

“Can't we just walk on the sidewalk?” Max sighed as he narrowly missed a particularly dirty pool. “And what's your name?”

The older boy steered the younger one away from another pothole. “I didn't tell you? Hm. I'm not so good with introducing people, including me. But, yeah, I'm Jacob. And you won't take the sidewalk unless you wanna get caught.”

“Caught?” Max pushed his glasses up as he squinted at Jacob.

Jacob shook his head dismissively. “Tell you later. First, tell me more about what happened to you.”

Max frowned and pressed his palm to his forehead. “I don't remember it all.”

“That's okay. Just tell me what you do remember.”

“Well,” Max began, stalling. “Well, it was a normal day. At least, I think it was. Anyway, I came home from school, and the house was empty, but everything looked normal. Except it was so quiet. I had this creepy feeling in the back of my neck. I walked around, calling for my mommy and daddy. But I didn't see anyone. I was getting scared. The house was silent.”

“Max...if this is too much, you don't have to tell me,” Jacob said.

“No, I can do this,” Max said, shaking his head. “Anyway, before you interrupted me, I heard footsteps. I thought they were Daddy's so I ran to find him. But it wasn't my daddy. This guy and his friends shoved me in a car and took me to a place. I don't remember anything else until I realized I was walking around.”

Jacob remained quiet as they walked down the alley. They took a left, running across a street. The sun was lower in the sky, tinting it a cotton candy pink. “Wow. I'm sorry, Max.”

The boy frowned and shrugged. “It's–” his voice cracked. “It's not okay.” Max stopped walking, looking away from Jacob.

“Max?” Jacob reached out to touch the boy's shoulder. Max turned to face him but wouldn't look at Jacob. Jacob spotted the tears cascading down the child's face, though Max seemed to be trying to stifle himself.

“...Sometimes, I think my mom and dad are dead.” Max finally looked up at the older boy, eyes blurred by unshed tears.

Jacob shook his head, and the two resumed walking. “You can't think like that. You have to have hope, you know? Hope is like, if you were stranded on an island, it's like your signal fire. As long as you have that signal fire going, there's a chance that a ship will see it and rescue you.”

Max nodded, sniffing as he wiped at his nose with his left hand. “I guess so. It's just...if they were still here, wouldn't they come look for me?”

Jacob paused. “I'm sure they are, Max. Maybe they're lost, too. C'mon, we're here now.” He gestured to a nondescript archway to their right. The older boy knocked on the door with a strange cadence. Tap-ta-tap-tap-tap.

A small panel slid open in the door, but the door itself didn't budge. Max lifted his head up, shielding his eyes from the glare of the setting sun. He thought he saw two beady little eyes peeking at him.

“Password?” a tiny voice from within said.

“Oh my gosh, Sophie, it's me.” Jacob sighed.

“I may not know who you are. Password, now, or you're gonna get it.”

“Rumpled-pig-skin. Okay?”

Sophie giggled and open the door. She stood on a stool, and Max could tell she was his age, if not younger. “You're so silly, Jake,” she said.

“Rumpled-pig-skin? That's a weird password.” Max shook his head.

“It's supposed to be Rumpelstiltskin, but I like to mess with her.” Jacob shrugged as they stepped into the building.

Max gazed around, wide-eyed. It looked like it had been a palace at one time, but now it lay in ruin. The room boasted high, arched ceilings, with French doors and bay windows that let in golden early evening light. Broken chairs, glass, and tables were strewn across the floor. Bed pallets dotted the room, with some children sitting on them, others playing with rusted toys. Everyone there was a child, Max couldn't see an adult anywhere.

“Y-you live here?” the boy asked, trying to make eye contact with his new friend.

“We all do,” Jacob nodded. “There's Sophie, Heidi, Garrett, Luke, Thomas, Adelaide, Lily, and me.”

“Who's this kid?” One of the boys said, pointing lazily at Max. “Never seen 'im before.”

“Ah, right.” He turned to the bespectacled boy. “Told you I'm bad at introductions.” Jacob turned to face the boy who spoke. He was older-looking than the rest, with shaggy light brown hair and a permanent sneer. “His name's Max, Luke. Found him crying by a garbage bin, didn't want him to get caught.”

“Ain't that precious?” Luke rolled his eyes. “You think you're his fairy godmother, come to rescue him from his fate? Please. He probably deserves to meet the Catchers.”

“Oh, shut up, Luke. Just because you're bitter about no one rescuing you doesn't mean you can be a jerk to him. He's only eight! And no one, not even you, deserve to meet those people.” Jacob held his ground. Max watched this exchange, suddenly feeling like an outsider again. His eyes began to well.

“What's his story?” A girl asked, one who looked to be Jacob's age.

Jacob looked at Max who nodded. The two told his story in tandem, emphasizing the part about the Grey Men. The girls immediately flocked to the young boy, comforting him and promising him a place to stay while he searched for his parents.

“Grey Men...” another boy murmured, focusing on something in the distance.

“You know about them, Thomas?” Jacob said, looking over at the boy, who was in the middle of accepting a scrap of food from the girl named Heidi.

“...Possibly. I'll see what I can find out. I can't promise anything.”

“That's more than I hoped for,” Jacob said.

“Hey, guys, guess what?!” Sophie bounded over to Jacob and Thomas.

“What?” Jacob asked, arching one of his brows.

“There's a parade tonight!” She could barely contain her excitement.

“A parade? For what?”

“The president, duh. It happens every month, celebrating how wonderful he is. And a good chance for us!”

“You mean work. Maybe loot if we're good.” Jacob shrugged.

“That's not true! It's going to be great. We're gonna have all kinds of new stuff!” Sophie shook her head at Jacob.

“Loot?” Max realized this was perhaps the billionth question he'd asked, but he had no idea what was going on.

“Y'know, money or jewelry,” the little girl said.

“So we can exchange them for clothes or bedding or food, really.” Jacob added.

“You steal from people?”

“We have to survive some way,” the boy who had been silent for this whole time, Garrett, piped up. “None of us have families to go to, and it's this or the Catchers.”

“And, if you're going to stay with us Max, you've got to learn the trade,” Jacob said. “Come with me, I'll teach you the basics.”
Grasped by the throat, grasped by the throat. That's how I feel about love. That it's not worth it.

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Sun Mar 20, 2011 9:43 am
Jashael says...



Oh it's here! O.o
“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen:
not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”


—C.S. LEWIS


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Sun Mar 20, 2011 8:42 pm
megsug says...



Hey,
I'm here to give the review requested. I'm a little confused setting wise with the Sir Max and the palace, and the kind of modern terms, but I like it. It's keeping me interested. Here's what I could find...

“Well,” Max began, stalling. “Well, it was a normal day. At least, I think it was. Anyway, I came home from school, and the house was empty, but everything looked normal. Except it was so quiet. I had this creepy feeling in the back of my neck. I walked around, calling for my mommy and daddy. But I didn't see anyone. I was getting scared. The house was silent.”
“Max...if this is too much, you don't have to tell me,” Jacob said.
Max hasn't really done anything to make Jacob think he can't handle it. The story is starting out bad, but that doesn't really mean Jacob should stop him. I like the idea. I just feel like you should have a reason for Jacob to say what he says.

The boy frowned and shrugged. “It's–” his voice cracked. “It's not okay.” Max stopped walking, looking away from Jacob.
Aww...

“Who's this kid?” One of the boys said, pointing lazily at Max. “Never seen 'im before.”
“Ah, right.” He turned to the bespectacled boy. “Told you I'm bad at introductions.” Jacob turned to face the boy who spoke.
I'm confused now. Why did Jacob turn to face the bespectacled boy when it was Luke who had spoken? Who is the bespectacled boy?

His eyes began to well.
This is great. I would add some of his feeling other than being an outsider. What is he thinking right now?

“What's his story?” A girl asked, one who looked to be Jacob's age.
I'm assuming the is Lily, but I would introduce her with dialouge or something anyway.

“The president, duh. It happens every month, celebrating how wonderful he is. And a good chance for us!”
“You mean work. Maybe loot if we're good.” Jacob shrugged.
What? A good chance for what since Jacob seems to be disagreeing with her?

“That's not true! It's going to be great. We're gonna have all kinds of new stuff!” Sophie shook her head at Jacob.
Wait a second... Does she not think they're stealing? ...Hmm... Or does he mean real work and maybe they'll steal stuff?


I love your characters. The last conversation was confusing. It's another great chapter. I'm sorry I didn't say much in this review. I really couldn't find that much. Tell me when the next part is out. Review this please. I really need it.
Megsug
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