Young Writers Society

No one knows when it started. The last occurrence hadn't’t been in years, but now, now things were beginning to happen. She walked through the corridors as quietly as she could, knowing that they didn't’t like loud noises. She held her video camera in hand. Even though she was terrified, she had an obligation to keep taping. She had an obligation to the rest of the team to keep walking forward. She was beginning to wish that she had never left her home in Georgia to join the team. But she had always been interested in the paranormal, and she wanted to know the truth about spirits. But that was a long time ago. Now she was alone in cell block 20, she couldn't’t find the rest of the team and it was pitch black. All she had was the light from her camera to illuminate her path. She could feel someone behind her, she ran her hand along the wall as she walked. It felt damp and uneven, like it had sustained years of torture in this horrible place. She figured that if those walls could talk, they would probably have some serious campfire stories to tell.
Suddenly she felt something on the wall. She could tell instantly what it was, a knob. She turned it and walked into the room. It was dimly lit, and the only furniture in the whole room was a large metal chair in the middle of the floor. It only took her a second to realize that it was an electric chair.
“Oh my God”, she whispered.
She started to run around and head back into the hall, but then she noticed a door on the adjacent side of the room. She quietly walked over the threshold and stepped up to the gigantic metal chair, it sat there, looming over her like it knew a secret that she didn't’t. She was now halfway through the room where so many prisoners had met their early demise. Out of the corner of her eye she could swear she saw a person watching her from the adjoining glass window. She tried to pay no attention to it, after all, it wasn't’t unexpected in this place.
In just a few more seconds she was at the door. Her hand grasped the knob tightly as she turned it.
“Oh please be a way out”, she whispered to herself.
But unfortunately for her it wasn't’t. The room she walked into was the main hall. That was were the prisoners awaiting death had there last meal. It had a huge table in the center, with beautiful dining chairs all around it. And on the table was all of the teams equipment. There, sitting at one of the man computers was the tech guy Danny.
“Danny!!!” she yelled, as she ran up to him, “Something horrible had happened”.
Danny just stared at his computer. He didn't’t even act like he saw her.
“Danny.....Danny are you okay?” she asked as she shook him.
Only to find that he slumped over onto his keyboard when she did. She screamed at the top of her lungs, she had been doing a lot of that today. She tried to lift his head up to see if maybe he was just unconscious. But it was to no avail, he didn't’t wake up. She ran a hand over her forehead. She had to get a grip. She had to control her thoughts. But all she could think was that she had to get out of there. She ran out of the room as fast as she could, leaving poor fated Danny’s corpse behind.
She ran to a nearby door and when she went through it she was back in another hallway
“Oh God is this ever going to end?!?!” she yelled.
Every hallway in the horrible place looked the same. The only real way to tell them a part was the cell numbers. She had to do something, so she began to run down the corridor. That’s when she began to feel it again, a person behind her. From her peripheral vision she could tell that it was a man.
“So I’m not crazy, there is someone there”, she thought.
She started to run faster, thinking maybe she could outrun whatever it was. But it was no use, the thing seemed to be racing her. Then she felt something knock her on the back of the head.....hard.

Not bad. Not bad at all. The only big concern I have about this is that it seems to be from the middle of a story. If it is the beginning, then you have some work to do. I assume from the title that S.P.O.O.K stands for something. Maybe you should wright how this prison scenario started.

One thing that caught my attention, a lot of the abbreviations have "n't't". Why is that? It's clear you did it intentionally.

Also, at the electric chair, I think there should be a period instead of that first comma. "She quietly walked over the threshold and stepped up to the gigantic metal chair. It sat there, looming over her like it knew a secret that she didn't’t." I think it flows smoother this way. That, and “Something horrible had happened" should be "Something horrible has happened".

I liked how you introduced the main character throughout the early portion of your writing. However, I didn't catch a name in there. That would be helpful, as the only name I caught was the dead guy's.

Overall, I like the ambience of the whole thing and was drawn in by the ending. Spooky! It gets you wondering. I'm usually more of a fantasy lover, but this got my attention. Keep up the good work!

Insert paragraphs to make it easier to read. Leave space between the lines of dialogue and between paragraphs.

Really, I don't get how you expect anyone to sit down and read it in it's current condition.

Ericka Jane Rose was born in a small town on the outskirts of Atlanta, Georgia. She was the daughter of a farmer. They lived a modest life, never really having any material possessions, but what they lacked in power and wealth, they made up for in love. All her life she had been good at things like school and sports. And she was very popular and pretty. She had long brown hair and green eyes, she was tall too, about 5'5 by the time she hit twelve.
It wasn’t until she turned thirteen that she began to realize it. The power that had been festering inside her all those years, was starting to manifest. Just a few days after her thirteenth birthday the dreams started. Horrible nightmares about past lives. She saw herself living various lives, from being a Pharaoh’s daughter in ancient Egypt, to being a child in the seventies and watching the Sonny and Cher show.
The strange thing about it was that Ericka wasn’t born until 1981.

But that wasn’t all that changed about her that year. She soon found out that she could see things that other people couldn’t.
Sometimes, when she was with other people, she would see a strange see through person, and whenever she would point it out to someone else they would just look at her like she was crazy.
At first the new power scared her, she was frightened that she was some kind of freak. But with time Ericka realized that she wasn’t a freak, she was just different from other people. And as soon as she stopped trying to suppress her powers, they got stronger.

Then the fateful day came. She heard the news that a famous team of ghost hunters was coming to her town.
Ericka had never been happier then when she heard that news. She saw this as her one chance to see what’s really out there, and maybe find some validity to what she was feeling.

The weeks until their arrival didn’t pass quickly enough in her mind.
Then the day finally came. Ericka ran as fast as she possibly could down the old country lane to town.
All the way to “Plain Jane’s”, a restaurant in town.
The place had been built in 1865, and for as long as Ericka could remember, it had been rumored to be haunted.
That’s why SPOOK was in her town, to investigate Plain Jane’s.

She ran up to the front door and pushed it slightly open. It was already dusk so the place was closed, but for some reason the door was unlocked.
“Hello”, she called out as she stuck her head in.
“Who’s there?” she heard a voice ask from upstairs. Suddenly. A man appeared on the top of the stairs. He was older looking, with grey hair.
He was wearing a sweater-vest and he had on a pair of reading glasses.
“Umm, hi, my name is Ericka, I’m looking for the Spook crew please”, she said.
“I’m sorry young lady. I’ve never heard of anyone by that name”, said the old man.
A tinge of disappointment flooded over Ericka, “Oh”, she said, “I thought they were supposed to be coming here tonight”.
The old man was about to answer when he suddenly began to scream in pain. He fell to his knees, revealing a tall dark haired man behind him.
The man was holding some sort of gun. It looked like it was from the future or something. It was silver with a blue handle and it was shaped like a giant circle that wrapped around the mans hand.
And he had just shot the poor old man in the back.
Ericka knelt down by his side, “Are you okay?” she asked the old man.
She stood up and looked at the man with the gun, ‘Are you crazy?” she asked.
The man with the gun ran over to her, “He’s not what you think”, he said.
As soon as the words escaped his mouth, the old man on the floor disappeared into thin air.
“What was he?” asked Ericka.
“I think you know”, said the dark haired man.
Ericka just looked at him, the most confused look you will ever see was spread across her face.
“You see ghost’s don’t you?” asked the man.
“Umm......well....yeah”, said Ericka, she was surprised that the man with the gun knew so much about her already.
“I’m a psychic”, said the man, “My name is Danny”, he reached his hand out toward her.
She shook it, “I’m Ericka”, she said. She glanced down at where the old man had been lying, “So he was a ghost?” she asked.
“Yep”, said Danny, “One of our hardest yet to catch”.
“Our”, repeated Ericka, “Wait, you mean your with Spook?”
“The one and only”, said Danny.
“Wow”, Ericka said.
“So why are you here?” asked Danny.
“I thought you were a psychic”, Ericka said, sarcastically.
“I don’t like to intrude”, said Danny.
Ericka smiled, “I want to join your team”, she said.
“You would have to talk that over with Miles, he’s the teams creator”, Said Danny.
“Well, where is he?” asked Ericka.
“I’ll take you to him”, said Danny, he looked once again at the spot where the man had been lying, “My job here is done anyway”, he said with a smile.
With that he turned and walked back up the stairs and instructed Ericka to follow.

This was the most exciting moment she had ever experienced. This was when her fate would be decided. She was standing behind Danny as he opened the door to what she guessed was the room Miles was in.
“Hey”, Danny said as he set his gun down on the table next to him.
“Did you find him?” a red haired woman asked as she picked up the gun.
“Come on, its me”, Danny said with a cocky tone.
“Who’s she?” asked the woman.
“This is Ericka, she wants to join”, said Danny.
A nervous smile crossed Ericka’s face. She really didn’t know what to do. She wasn’t raised to be very proper and she wasn’t introduced to people often. “Umm....hi”, she said after what seemed like forever.
“What can she do?” asked the woman.
Danny frowned at her, “Ericka, the incredibly rude woman here is Nancy, but everyone calls her Current”.
“Why do they call her that?” asked Ericka.
Nancy lifted up her hand and after a second or two Ericka realized that her hand was glowing blue, and it had sizzling currents of electricity running through it.
“I can create electricity”, said Nancy.
“That’s impressive, and as a plus it makes me feel really inadequate”, said Ericka.
Nancy laughed, “Don’t you have something you can do?” she asked.
“Well, yeah, but it’s not that impressive”, said Ericka.
“She can see ghost’s”, Danny interrupted.
“Oh”, said Nancy.
Ericka began to frown, “What, do you not think that’s good enough to get me in?” she asked.
“Well, that’s not really up to me. That’s Miles’ decision”, Nancy said as she pointed behind her.
Ericka glanced at where she was pointing. At that moment a tall dark skinned man walked into the room.
“Danny”, he said, “I thought you’d be here. So you caught the old man then”.
“Yes, sir”, said Danny.
“Good”, said Miles, “Nancy I think we can pack up now”.
Nancy looked at him and smiled, “Ok”, she said.
The man turned to look at Ericka, “And who is this?” he asked.
“I’m Ericka”, she said, “And I want to join the team”. That was it, she finally got to say the words she had been practicing I her mirror for months.
Miles looked Ericka square in the eye, “Why?” he asked.
“Why do I want to join the team?” asked Ericka.
Miles nodded.
She stopped, suddenly she wished that she had practiced more of what she was going to say. It seemed to Ericka like the whole world slowed down, almost like everyone in the universe was waiting for her to say something witty and intelligent, “Well, umm”, for some reason Ericka couldn’t put into words why she wanted to join SPOOK, She knew that she had for a long time, but she couldn’t say why she wanted to in the first place. After what seemed like forever she decided to speak from her heart, “Because all my life I’ve had a gift, I can see things that most people can’t see, and everyone I’ve told that too either thinks I’m making things up, or crazy. The way I figure it, the only people who would believe me are others like me”, she said.
Miles smiled, “That’s what I hoped you would say”, he said, “Your in”.
Those were the words that Ericka had been waiting to hear for months. She had pictured tons of different people of all shapes and sizes saying them to her, but, when she actually heard them coming out of real persons mouth, they sounded all the sweeter. A huge smile spread across her face, she felt like jumping up and down and laughing and screaming at the top of her lungs, but she figured that would probably be a little childish. So instead she just said, “Thank you”.
Miles nodded at her, “I assume you realize that you’re going to be doing a lot of traveling”, he said.
“Yes, sir, or course”, said Ericka.
“And you may be putting your life in danger at some points”, said Miles.
Ericka nodded eagerly.
“And you still want to do this?” Miles asked.
“Definitely”, Ericka said with a smile.
“Okay. Danny and Nancy will be training you in the different areas of the field”, said Miles, “Now you should probably go home and pack up, we’re headed for New York tomorrow”.
“New York, wow”, Ericka’s face light up, “I’ve never been to a big city before”, she said.
“Yeah, well your not going to one now”, said Miles, He had a serious look on his face, “We’re going to the Summer Inn, its in New York City, we are spending two days there and then its off the Salt Lake City, Utah”.
Ericka’s smile suddenly gave way to a light frown, “Oh”, she said, “Well, that’s fine too. I’ve always wanted to travel the world, I just didn’t think it would happen all in the span of a week”, she mumbled.
Nancy smiled at the comment.
“Well”, Miles said as he began to back out of the door, “Go back to your house and pack, and be back here in one hour”.
Ericka nodded enthusiastically, and then ran out the door, down the stairs and out of the building, all the way back to her house, after all, she only had one hour.



PRESENT DAY
It was dark, the only source of light in the room were a few candles placed her and there.
Ericka’s head was throbbing. She rubbed it with the palm of her hand. A million thoughts raced through her head, where was she? Was she seriously hurt? Was she even still alive? Could that blow to the back of the head have killed her? Was this Hell?
She decided that she should try standing up, to see if she could. Her legs were shaky, but they didn’t seem to be hurt.
“Ok”, she mumbled to herself, “I just need to figure out where I am and how to get out of here”, she straightened her hair and clothes, “Yeah, good luck with that”, she heard a voice say.
She jerked her head over in the direction that the voice came from, “Who there!?!” she demanded. She couldn’t see anyone in the darkness.
“After two years you don’t even recognize my voice?” she heard the person say.
At that point, out of the darkness she saw something that she will never forget....Nancy.
She looked a little beat up, but okay.
“Nancy”, said Ericka, “Are you alright?”
Nancy stood up, “I’m fine”, she said as she brushed herself off. “Are you?” she asked, gesturing toward Ericka.
“Oh yeah, I’m fine”, she said.
Nancy smiled, “Well, all I can say is that even if I end up dying here, at least I got to see you beat up and unconscious”, she said.
Ericka rolled her eyes, then she realized something, “Wait”, she said, “You saw what brought me in here?”
“Of course, it was the same thing that dragged me into this pit”, Nancy said as she smoothed the wall with her hand.
“Well, what was it?” asked Ericka, she took a few steps closer to her friend.
“What do you think?” Nancy said, she cocked her head to one side.
Ericka gulped, she didn’t want to say the word, it was too terrifying, “A Ghost”, she finally said.
“Yep”, said Nancy.
The thought of a spirit actually being able to affect a human was very, very scary. Ericka crossed her arms across her stomach, “Well, how are we supposed to get out of here?” she asked.
“We’re not”, said Nancy, “We are supposed to sit here, and do nothing until we die”, she kicked a rock across the nearly dirt floor.
“But, we can’t do that!!! We have to figure out a way to get out of here!!!” Ericka was practically shouting.
“How?” asked Nancy, “We’re in a small square room with one steel door and no windows, how are we supposed to get out of here?”
Ericka leaned against a wall and rubbed her forehead. She ran through every prison movie she had ever seen in her mind, there were hundreds, but, the one common denominator was that the prisoners were always smarter than the guards. Of course, she had never seen a prison movie where the guards were all ectoplasmic beings, but it was worth a shot anyway. After all, it was either escape, or die of starvation.
“Alright, I have a plan”, said Ericka.
“Already?” asked Nancy, “Man, you really are suited for this job”.


January 7th, 1859
The cold, dank cell felt like Hell.
Every morning he would start up, singing.
“Hey, boy, its ten o clock in the mornin’, don’t you ever let up?” he asked.
The man stopped singing and leaned his head over the side of the bunk to look down at his fellow prisoner, “Someday I’ll get out of here”, he said.
“You tried to kill your master, your just lucky he was kind hearted enough to put you in jail, most of ‘em would just let the dogs have their way with ya”, the man on the bottom bunk closed his eyes again as soon as he finished talking.
“At least I didn’t go through with it, William”, said the man on the top bunk.
The bottom bunk squealed and squeaked as the man stood up. His face had no expression, he leaned on the side of the top bunk, “How do you know my name?” he asked.
The other man smiled, “Lucky guess”, he said.
William squinted his eyes.
“I know a lot about you, maybe even more than you know yourself”, said the other man.
“Well, y’all know so much ‘bout me and I don’t know hardly anythin’ ‘bout you”, said William, “What’s your name boy?” he asked.
“Jacob”, said the other man.
“How do you know so much about me, Jacob?” asked William.
“It’s a gift”, Jacob said as he turned over to face the wall.
William backed away from the bed.
“More like a curse, actually”, he heard Jacob mumble.
A sick smile crossed Williams face, “Yeah right”, he said as he leaned against the bars covering the door, “That kinda stuff doesn’t even exist”.
Jacob closed his eyes, “You have no idea”, he said with a smile.


Present day
“I can feel something out there”, Ericka said as she leaned against the door.
“What is it?” asked Nancy.
Ericka squeezed her eyes shut, “Umm....it feels like a male, he was in his mid to late forties when he died. He keeps thinking something over and over”.
“What is it?” asked Nancy.
“Must obey”, said Ericka, “He keeps thinking ‘must obey”, she pressed her ear closer to the door.
“Why?” Nancy asked, “Who does he have to obey?”
“I don’t know”, Ericka said as she backed away from the door, “I’m not even sure that he knows”.
Nancy smoothed her hair, “Ok, well, what’s our next step?” she asked.
“Now, we have to get him to open the door”, said Ericka.
“How?” asked Nancy.
Ericka sighed, “Lay down on the floor”, she said.


It was quiet now. Of course he didn’t remember what it was like to hear things anymore.
In life he had been a doctor, trying to find a way to bring the dead back to life had been his calling. He was never successful. The very day that Benjamin Leeter turned 46, he was murdered.
Cut down by a sharp blow to the back of the head. He had never seen who had done it, but he suspected his wife, Beatrice.
Unfortunately, in the afterlife, his calling wasn’t as honorable. He was a guard. Right now, he had to walk back and forth in front of the door where the humans were kept. Benjamin didn’t know why they were being kept, why wasn’t he just supposed to kill them? He thought these questions but he dare not say anything about it. He didn’t ask questions, he just obeyed... must obey.
The job had been dull so far, but now, a scream, a cry for help from the room. He dashed down the hall and straight through the door.
He wasn’t supposed to show compassion for the humans, but he couldn’t help but care.
In the room were the two humans. But one of them was lying on the floor, she looked to be dead.
“Please”, said the other, “I think there’s something wrong with her, she just collapsed”.
Benjamin’s partially transparent face had a look of concern on it.
He didn’t have to think twice, “I’m gonna get her down the hall and find a bed for her to lie on”, he said.
Ericka had to try her best to hide a smile, “Okay”, she said.
Benjamin waved his hand and in less than a second later, Nancy was floating in mid-air.
Ericka could tell that she was scared, but she was hiding it well.
Benjamin waved the hand he wasn’t using to steady Nancy behind him and the door opened.
Seizing the opportunity, Ericka shouted, “Nancy!!!”
Nancy quickly sat up in mid-air, an action that surprised Benjamin so much that he dropped her on the ground.
Nancy fell hard, but she didn’t have time to worry about the bruise that was inevitably going to surface, she quickly stood up and ran after Ericka who was running out the door.
“Wait!!!” Benjamin shouted after them, “Come back!!!”, But the girls didn’t listen, they kept running down the hall. Until they came to a dead end.
“Come on, through here”, Ericka said as she opened a door next to her. Nancy ran inside.

Through the door was a small room. It looked to be an office of some sort with a large desk in the middle of the room, “Do you think he followed us?” whispered Nancy.
“I don’t know”, said Ericka, “But I don’t care to find out”.