Young Writers Society

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I really enjoyed this story, it was suspensful, well written, used great deatil, and was great all over! I don't know if I will be nitpicking with grammatical errors, because this chapter is rather long, and I am no good at grammatical things. However, a couple things I noticed and some advice I have.

I did not hear anymore after the soldiers’ slam the doors shut so that I am left alone with them. They say nothing, only stare silently ahead, their eyes hidden behind tinted glasses.

Soilders' should just be soildiers, since they are performing an action, rather than owning the door. (I believe, once again though, I am no grammatical whizz).
Also, this isn't a grammatical error, rather an opinion.

As a boy, spatziers were my favorite food; I always would find some way to scrape together a few bolts in order to buy one for my lunch when I was working with my father in the shipyard. I could already taste the sweetness of the onions and mushrooms, the smokiness of the tender strips of beef and pork, and the heat of the roasted peppers all wrapped in melting cheese and a fried bread shell. My mouth waters thinking about them. That is the first thing I will do when the cuffs come off, is go to the vendor by the shipyard and buy a spatzier with extra provolone.

I realize the spatziers is an important thing on the agenda of your character. But for some reason I find it a little tedious reading an entire paragraph about a food and its what it tastes like and is made of.
Also, I noticed you didn't use quotation marks, and rather used a '.
And, the final thing I noticed.

‘Get up, Ulrick,’ says the officer beside me, while the others unlock the chains tethering me to the bench.
They pull me to my feet without giving me any time to stretch or prepare my stiff muscles to stand. My legs cramp and my knees buckle underneath me, causing me to fall into the arms of one of the officers. The man shoves me off and forces me to stand again, growling, ‘Stop playing around, Ulrick.’

I know this is a way to introduce the character's name into the story. But it feels unnatural when the guard keeps using the name after a sentance. It would feel more realistic if he simply said 'Get up', or 'Quit screwing around'.

All in all, this was a great story, and a good beginning to a novel. Name wise, I have no idea. Keep writing!

I really like this! It's very.... "Steampunk" It was really a great read. I can't attest to grammatical errors, but the guy talking to Ulrich while putting him to sleep was a little odd. But that's the writers preference I feel. enjoyed this please continue!

I huff [and] return to my own thoughts, to the third thing I simply must do when I am free.

I did not hear anymore after the soldiers’ no apostrophe slam the doors shut so that I am left alone with them.

Hey I’m finally going to review this!

I first want to say that this was great. It certainly feels like this is going to be a great story, and that you know where this is going. It took me a little while to get a sense of direction while reading KoN, but I think here you set up the first chapter very well. Meaning, we have a good idea who the main character is (a normal, spatzier loving guy) and his motives (get back home to his girl, live a little after being in prison for six years). It’s really simple and easy to grasp and I love it.

Grammatically, I see nothing wrong. I think you’re good to go for a first draft.

I think the first couple of paragraphs didn’t hook me, but they were still ok. I just remember thinking ‘well, this person’s full of angst’ when the first things they think are of how much pain they are in, how much they hate the passengers around them, and that kind of stuff. But really it was no big deal, just my first impression.

The part that caught me back up into the story was when you described the conductor, and his pocket watch. I really liked that for some reason, and I was hooked from that point on. I kinda thought your MC was a klepto the way he was eyeing that gold.

I really enjoyed the bits about his love for spatziers lol. That was great for his character, I think. And also how he thinks of Spencer (great name, I like). Yeah, she’s pretty, but I like how he said that he thinks of her as his only friend, and someone he imagine marrying. And how he was a little concerned that maybe she had found somebody during his absence. It’s different than the usual ‘I’ve got a pretty girl waiting for me back home’ scenario, cuz here he actually realizes that maybe she won’t be into him when he gets back, that she would have moved on. In which case he’ll have spatziers lol. But I’m also curious as to whether or not Spencer is aware of Finn’s feelings. For all I know, this is just something Finn has kept to himself.

I think a different reviewer mentioned the part about when the guard calls him by his name, and I agree that felt a little off. It would be better if he was impersonal, with just a ‘Get up’ or ‘Stop messing around’. Also, since the guard called him Ulrick, I was under the impression that Ulrick was his first name (which I wasn’t fond of) and then I later found out in the lab place that his first name was actually Finn, so that tripped me up just a little.

So there’s my first review for this, onto part 2!