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The Logs Of Jeremy Edwards Ch.2



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Thu Aug 11, 2011 1:53 am
MonoTheElderish says...



(HC: #23-423-8642-3///STKHLM


As We crossed the last 300 yards of the DMZ it stayed quiet, No small arms, No Arty, No Air. Nothing. After Living through the last 6 klicks it was unnerving as hell. At that point, I'd Prefer to get shot at. But, As I saw friendly Shapes on top of Friendly fortifications, I forgot completely about that. As we walked up to the gate We were suddenly bathed in a Overwhelmingly Bright light While a amplified Voice Boomed out "State Code." Emerson Promptly Yelled out "Bravo-foxtrot 1-2-9!" ..... "Alright, Hurry it up". "Ho-lllyyy Shit." That was Kinney's Response to the sight that greeted us on the other side. 5 foot craters scattered the firebase, the C2 Tower gone, a heaping pile of rubble in it's place. A soldier saw us gawking from in front of the S4's(*Glossary* S4 is the supply sergeant.) Office,

"One hit"

"Eh?" Said Emerson,

"The bastards took it out in one hit. "

"No way."

" Well, You see the way it's got that south wall still up a little?"

"Yeah?"

"It had a delayed fuse on it, according to the sciguy's. So, when it hit, it hit a little closer to this side than other, but the fuse ran out, so it detonated like ten feet off the ground right?"

"Ok, I guess."

"So, Their sayin' That it took out one of the main struts that held it to the south wall, and normally that would cause it to fall where we are now, but the force of the explosion lifted it toward the south wall, so it kinda fell on top of itself."

"Huh, So how much command staff did we lose?"

" uh... Not that many actually, Col. Sienk, and his staff so that's six or seven, and then, Lt. Col. Rocha and half of his, so that's like 14 ."

"Asshole." "Rocha? Oh, fuck yeah. But pretty much all of the good ones got out OK, Well, 'cept Sienk. That's messed up. So, who you boys with?"

" the 4th, 2nd squad." "Really? huh, I though I knew everyone in Dog Company..." "Not Dog, Charlie." At this his eyebrows raised in surprise,

"Holy hell, I gotta get you boys to C2!" "I thought THAT was C2." said Emerson pointing at the rubble of the command building,

"Underground backup. Come on, lets go. Oh, and by the way, names Jimmy, Jimmy Gates!"

"Sam Emerson. These sorry sacks O' crap are Edwards, Fitzpatrick, Merril, and Kinney,"

" Nice to meet you guys, but I really gotta get you guys to the C2 Bunker. Oh, And welcome to Firebase Lincoln!"

As we followed Jimmy through the debris filled roads of firebase Lincoln We saw soldiers clearing the dead from the roads and reburying electrical wires. While we were walking to the command centera soldier on a gurney was carried past sobbing About how something had stepped on somebody. Not a good sign.

From the first day of training We were mentally conditioned to the utmost steadiness in combat conditions, So to hear a fellow soldier of the Corps sobbing freaked us all out. and caused us to put pep in our step To the C2. After walking for about five minutes Jimmy Stopped before a small manhole cover.



"You gotta be shit'n me. Looks Like a Frickin' Manhole cover." Said Kinney In disgust.

" Yep, Finest Metal in the NWC. Well, Down you go, It's gonna get worse before it gets better."

Replied Jimmy. Kinney Went first. He slipped on the last rung, felled with a small yell into the water at the bottom of the shaft.

"YAA!" [Splash] "Dammit Jimmy, couldn't you've warned me?!"



"Ah, Shut the hell up Kinney, You smell better with the sewage." Yelled Emerson as he climbed down the hole after kinney.



Once everyone was in the ankle high shit water Jimmy lead us upstream,

"It's in my boots."

"Shut the hell up Kinney."

Toward a red light some 300 feet ahead. Once we arrived, The red light turned into the scanner from a antiquated defensive machine gun in front of a steel blast door. "Dude, Whats with the old shit?" "It gets the job done. You boys wouldn't happen to have your tags would you?" Asked Jimmy with his hand outstretched. Emerson handed his over to Jimmy Who promptly placed it into a slot that none of us had noticed until then.

A loud clank and the massive doors grinded slowly open. revealing a clean, brightly lit room, bustling with activity. aides carrying maps, stacks of reports, And coffee.

"this way boys, You gotta see Col. Ayers." Said Jimmy as he cleared a swath through the surrounding chaos.

He lead us to a older man standing in the midst of several staffers trying to have him look at enemy movement reports or another trying to get him to sign requsition papers only to be pushed out the way by yet another staffer waving a strength estimate. As the man signed yet another Piece of paper, he noticed Jimmy Pointing at him with us in tow and promptly told the staffers surrounding him to find another member of the senior staff. Or else.

"Staff Sgt. Gates?"

" These men are from the 786th Charlie Company, 4th platoon."

" Ah. I see why you brought them." He said with a grimace at the mob of aides Waiting at a respectful distance.

"Alright, here's the sitrep, Charlie got hit bad, We've hadn't had anyone from Charlie get back until you five. Dog got hit bad too, But they didn't fully mobilize in time. Kind of a mixed blessing. Anyway, your being folded into Dog company's 1st platoon For the time being. Their XO, Gates here, will get you sorted. Then, Get some sleep. There's a storm On the horizon, and its a mean son of a bitch. 'smissed. Oh, Wait Corporal..."

"Emerson."

"Right. We need to talk. Rest of you go with Gates." We saluted the Colonel then followed Jimmy, Back to the surface.

Once we reached the surface we were met by barrage of Propaganda,

"Strike Down the Cannibalist Pigs! The F.U.P. are weak, miserable, psychopaths, Who know of nothing else but bringing our loyal citizens the misery of a divided leadership! A life of nothing except wallowing in your own filth! And expecting everyone else to do the same! "

"Ah, I see they got the Speakers working again. Lovely." Said Jimmy wryly.

As we walked to the barracks Jimmy gave us a guided tour through Firebase Lincoln, Now a Pockmarked Landscape dotted with the tunnels that hid the bases facilities.



"So you've already been to the C2, To your right is the shitter, Right there is the med station, Already out of the good stuff so don't get hit. And here's Dog's barracks! You'll have to dig your own billets in the side of the main room. Your going to be put in 3rd Squad Emerson will maintain his command since were short of officers. Pfc. Reyyes Will introduce himself In a couple hours."

Jimmy then left us to go back to the C2.

"Alright. Lets get to it then." Said Sean.

After about 30 minutes of digging we were able to get a couple minutes rest. Finally. We unloaded our gear, consolidated ammo, cleaned our kits, And even joked around. For a little while.

"Forget hiding from the arty, the real merit of sitting in this hole is shutting out those speakers for some sleep." I said Chuckling.

Kinney Agreed. "Dude, totally, And what's with all that Bullshit F.U.P. Propaganda? I had a patrol where the sad fuckers were throwing rocks! Rocks! So, where the hell did they get all this Hardware?



Merrill stopped cleaning his rifle long enough to add his opinion.

"You said it yourself, Where'd the Fuppers get the hardware? The Short Answer? They didn't. Since when do they have the means to get ahold of decent anti-air? Let alone feed them! I saw arty, air, ground troops, and support crews, and there's no way in hell you can tell me that all runs on piss and vinegar!"

There was silence in the room. Sean rolled over in his billet towards us.

"He's right guys, this ain't the F.U.P. Get some sleep. Were going to really need it later."

"Yeah, you got it Fitz. Night, Edwards, Merril, Fitz."

We all bedded down for the next couple hours to get as much sleep as we could before the next wave came.



[THUMPA] [THUMP] [THUMP] "Aww hell, what was that?!" Groaned Kinney. That was The first thing I heard two hours Later. As we geared up a fully geared Trooper was half thrown through the entrance of the barracks as a shell burst Behind him. (He was of medium build, hispanic, Small beard.)

"Their Setting up on the opposite hill, you guys Dog's new replacements?

"That's us." I Answered While scrambling into my BDU's and plate carrier,

"Right, you guys come with me, We gotta get to the Lima barricade! It's in the town and I know the best way!"

"Right, You heard the man! Lets go, go, go! Shift your Arses!" Yelled Emerson as we scrambled for weapons and ammo. I assumed this was our new team member, Although it didn't really matter at this point. As we moved to the front barricades through the firebase We heard the radio chatter from the other squads,

"Bison 2-1 to Wizzard 1-1 Heavy contact At Grid-line Bravo 1-1-2 Barricade X-ray, Platoon Strength, Requesting Additional Support Over."

You could hear the firefight over the radio. It sounded close.



"Wizzard 1-1 to Bison 2-1, Reenforcement is enroute. Two Squads from Fox Company Inbound. Break. Break. Druid 1-6, Solomon 3-1 is Enroute To your position, Requesting sitrep over."

"this is Druid 1-6, Light enemy resistance, Shadows and Sprites, Out."

As we moved through the ruin of firebase Lincoln, We could hear fire fights breaking out on the outer edge, Flaring up and dying off again only to be replaced by another. We moved fast across the roads, and slow through the alleys, Watching windows and doors as we moved towards Druid 1-6's Position.

"This is Druid 1-6 to Wizzard 1-1 Over."

"Wizzard 1-1, Go."

"Druid 1-6 requesting illumination at grid point Alpha 3-3-2 over."

" Roger, Sunspot 2 is inbound, Tac 5-3-2, ETA 5 minutes. Out. "

" This is Druid 1-6, Were hearing what sounds like enemy armor approaching, requesting AT team, Over."

" Wizzard 1-1, Roger that, allotting AT supplies to Solomon 1-3, break. break. Wizzard 1-1 To Solomon 1-3, You are being allotted AT Weapons. Proceed one block south-east from current to weapons depot Indigo. Over"



"Well, At least it's on our way." Said Merril resignly.



As we moved to Weapons depot indigo, It got quiet. Really quiet. No gunfire, No breeze. We got spooked. Everyone got spooked. When we arrived The depot was deserted. And almost Empty. Everything had been issued out Except an old W-34(*glossary* Impact Warhead, nicknamed the "Wimpy" since it'll gladly jam today and fire for you next Tuesday) And a couple shells. Then the War came back.

"Druid 1-6, Hard contact! Where is The backu-?! armor c-ntact!"

"Druid 1-6, This is Wizzard 1-1, Solomon 1-3's ETA is 2 minutes, Can you hold?"



"D-uid 1-6 to W-zzard 1-1, for now! But -e need a F-ckin' AT Sq-ad right, now! We- Ah shit, COVER!"

We Were about 500 feet away when the Sky lit up. We saw the high angle mortars roar in, We saw the rounds strike the barricade, debris and parts of what once had been men flung high into the sky. We were about 220 yards away at the time. we sprinted through the next couple hundred yards, Slowing down only to check around the corner where Lima blockade was to make sure it was clear before committing ourselves to going around it.

When we got to Lima blockade it was a mess. They had unattended casulties on the ground, some of them still alive enough to scream. The sargeant in command ran up to us as we moved around the corner.

"Get that Launcher On the line NOW! Bearing 2-5-0, 15 degrees! Soon as you have a shot take it! COVERING FIRE! "

We covered Merril as he shouldered the Launcher and sprinted to the barricade. The barricade was really just a large pile of dirt that was blocking vehicle movement through the intersection. Once we got to the top we threw ourselves down just before the edge and crawled until we could just barely aim over the side. We saw about a company's worth of enemy soldiers. With armor. The Armor was a bipedial armored behemoth with some kind of fast firing plasma turret. It was gradually making its way up the street, Scanning houses as it went and firing into the occupied houses as the pilot deemed necessary.

"Take the shot!" I yelled at Kinney

"No lock! I Don't have a lock!"

"Dry fire! Take the shot! Take it! Now!"

As I yelled one of it's scanners noticed us on the barricade, As it turn and started to track it's turret toward us. Kinney fired just as it starting firing it's first few rounds. It's rounds went high, Ours went low, Kinney had been aiming for the Cockpit. He hit its legs, It fell foward with a screech, still firing. It buried it's gun in the dirt, jamming them solid. The enemy squads started to get closer with their shots, suppressing the barricade, and forcing me, kinney, and the rest of the guys on the line to retreat back behind it while the surviving enemy tank crew climbed out of the buried wreck. Once the rounds slacked off, we started the crawl back up the hill but sean stopped me from going over the edge.

"Stop, I gotta a bad feeling. I'm sending a drone up."

He reached into his pack and produced a small I-03 Recon Drone. (The ones that have the small magnetic induction motor.) As the Drone rose off of his hand, the video link started coming through the Handset. It rose about 2 feet above the barricade before a handful of plasma rounds ripped it out of the sky.

"Bloody hell! ok, ok, stay calm, I'm going through the feed frames... and.... fuck."

I was craning my head over his shoulder and saw a frame that chilled my bones. There was about a platoon of enemy troops moving towards us but thats not what grabbed our attention, two of the Bipedial tanks were picking thier way back up the streets, Slowly so as not to make any noise that we could hear until it was too late. We had been broadcasting the images to the rest of the men in the area. As soon Emerson saw the feed he sprung into action,

"Kinney, get some fire on the road!"

"Got it! Here take this thing."

He handed me the launcher and started to raise fire support.

" L-7-2 this is S-1-3, Two Enemy armor contacts sighted, Adjust fire over."

"L-7-2 Adjust fire, out."

As the vehicles started to move up the Streets I started to reloaded the Wimpy.

"Grid SB628341, Direction 1584, Over."

"Grid SB628341, Direction 1584, Out."

They ignored the houses since their counterpart had already cleared them.

"Armored vehicles in the open, H.E. in effect Over."

"Armored vehicles in the open, H.E. in effect, authenticate delta-foxtrot. Over."

"I authenticate Delta-Foxtrot-Zulu. Out."

The Tanks saw some of the men's heads peeking over the barricade and started sprinting towards us.

"Edwards! Get a lock on them!" Yelled Sean.

I moved into position and looked through the view finder. I aimed for the one on the left. I leveled the W-34 and flicked the Arming switch, and, once the tone started squealing, gently Squeezed back on Trigger until, with a Massive noise and rush of air, The projectile left the tube, and sped toward its target as they started firing short bursts at the barricade. Several rounds ripped through a man who had raised himself too high. His lifeless body fell back down the barricade as his freinds rushed needlessly to his aid.

"S, Elements 1 & 2, 4 rounds, Target GM2435 TOT 30 seconds Over."

"S, Elements 1 & 2, 4 rounds, Target GM2435 TOT 30 seconds Out. INCOMING! HEADS DOWN! "

As my projectile raced towards the tanks, The fire support that Kinney had called in streaked towards the area. My projectile struck first, but it glanced off the side of the tanks cockpit, into a near-by building, bringing it down on a enemy squad that had taken a position inside. The first shell of the freindly arty hit just behind the tanks, throwing alot of dirt on top of them but doing little else, The second and third hit directly front of them and to the left side a bit. The explosion threw the one on the right into a building which promptly collasped on it, thus ending his bid to destroy our barricade. The other one fell backward, twisting onto its side, the window of the cockpit smeared with its pilots blood.

"L-7-2, Targets Destroyed."

"Roger that S-1-3, Good Hunting."



The other enemy squads were moving up the road. We took re-took our positions on the barricade and started returning fire. I had thrown the launcher to one of the guys from Druid 1-6 and unshouldered my rifle.

"Sean, Spot for me."

"Right."

Sean grabbed a monocular with a little tripod from his kitbag, and set it up on the barricade to my right.

"Contact, left side of the road, just past the house with the car through the front. 600 yards. "

"Right."

A soldier peeks up from a pile of rubble that used to be a house. I Adjust the reticle for the distance, And squeeze off a shot.

*CRACK*

The recoil goes through my shoulder, My target falls. The reciever cycles a new round into the chamber, Next target.

"Target killed." whispers Sean.

.... "Target, Middle of the road, 700 yards, the first downed tank."

"Got it."
A crewman from one of the tanks tries to climb out of the cockpit.

*Crack*


"Low, Adjust up 2, right 1."

He begins to panick, Realizing that he's well within my range.

......... *CRACK*

"Target down."

The crewman's lifeless body drapes itself across the half-open hatch.


"Muzzle flash, sixth building down, left side, 2nd story, third window from the left, 400 yards."

A enemy marksmen tries to return fire, Dodgeing in and out of the window in between shots. Not realizing how truly exposed he was.

*CRACK*
He slumps back into the room he was firing from, never to stir again.

"Damn, Nice shot." Sean Told me with a pat on the head.

"Yeah? Wasen't sure he'd come back out." I replied.

After several hours of covering the street, Emerson crawled up behind us,
"Kinney has chow cook- er, warming, If you think you guys can risk his cooking I can get a couple of Sgt. Dreyers men to cover if you want. God knows you've earned it."
Me and Sean looked at each other,
"Whats on the pot?" I asked, "3 lasagna's, a cheese tortellini, and 2 of whatever their calling pork these days."
"Yeah alright I could stand that." I replied
"Sounds good. Count me in." Said Sean as well.

It was a delicious meal even if it was only a couple MRE's, The first in at least 32 hours, but, For the time being, I was alive, and I was fed.
Last edited by MonoTheElderish on Sat Nov 05, 2011 3:15 am, edited 9 times in total.
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Thu Aug 11, 2011 7:01 am
RoachRedford! says...



Sci-Fi Military writings? We could be best friends.
I'm going to get right on this!

After several weeks of continuous training, The Remaining Members of Training group B Were dispersed among the companies of the 768th. Jonanthan Was assigned to Fox Company's 1st Platoon As a Tier 1 Operator. Due to my Natural Affinity for long range weapons I was attached to Charlie Company's 4th Platoon, 2nd Squad, as a close support marksman. At the time our southern border was contested by the "F.U.P." Or " Free United Peoples. a loosely organized group of bandits and outcasts. Just watch the capitalisation. I know that sometimes in the military they capitalise almost everything, but just watch it here.

They had become increasingly daring over the last couple months, and because of that our battalion, The 768th, Had been Deployed South, to counter The steady Northern Advance of the F.U.P. On the night of the 13th of June, around 2200 Don't need the colon and it's best to put the word 'hours' after the 24 hour time signature., we were told to report to the S-4 to get our standard issue equipment. Once I had been issued my bedroll, permanent uniform, HK-278/9, (Just a standard HK-278 Plasma Cell Assault rifle with a x6 optics enhancing scope.) And my other necessary Items, (Battle pack, MRE's, Storage Duffel, Etc.) I trotted across the staging ground, really just a big open space just inside of the walls of Fort 425, to my assigned tent. When I finally got to my tent, My tentmate was already asleep, so I stowed my gear under my cot and tried to get as much sleep as I could before what I expected to be a very early wake-up.



4 Hours Later I was Kicked awake by my surly bunkmate. The 4th was being ordered on a Mssion, a SCM (Sector Clearing Mission). We were to be inserted low and fast, just north of a small F.U.P. camp.Roughly 30 Klicks north, So That we were in position to ambush the camp as it moved north, into the NWC's territory. We were be flown in on 4 UH-161's 24 men a VTOL. I was issued 175 Rounds for my rifle and ordered to the second VTOL.
Okay, I know where the UH-161 comes from, thanks to the UH-60 Black Hawk, but many people won't. Also, VTOL isn't a common acronym people are familiar with. Take a look at some modern VTOL craft (like the V-22 Osprey and give a description of the craft here so the reader better understands.

Should've grabbed more. About 5 Klicks out of our target area we started Taking ground fire. And not Small caliber stuff either, Big, fat, high-velocity Kenetic Rounds Flew through the air, Plasma Shells burst all around us Showering us with hot Globs of high-grade Plasma that could burn through a man in 20 seconds. Way more shit than intel said the F.U.P. should've had. 2 Klicks out we lost a VTOL. A kenetic shell got lucky and smacked through it's left wing. The pilot Had been trying to avoid the enemy flak and had flown straight into it. We had been Ordered to Key Into the Vtol Tac Channel Through our headsets. As soon as the VTOL was hit the Chaos Exploded into the Headsets.
Okay. Firstly, if the craft is VTOL yet has fixed wings, it has to have some kind of gyrating engine mounted on the wings. Also, I think you need to clarify on these ammunitions that are being used. In my understanding plasma is gas which is heated to such a point that it is rendered it into basic atoms. I'm just not sure how magazine fed weapons could fire plasma, that's all, and they'd get very hot.

"Black Bird 3 is down, Heavy Contact in L.Z."

"Standby For CAS Request!"

"Requesting JTAC Intervention!"

"Roger that, Raiders 1 and 2 On-station!"

"Raiders 1 & 2 Inbound To attack, 60 secs, Out."

"Raider 1 Ingressing to Target!"

"Raider 2 is in the POP!"

"Roger Cleared hot, Weapons Free."
The problem with sci-fi military writing that I have encountered is dropping too much jargon and acronyms. I understand everything I'm reading, but casual readers won't. You need to ease them into it, otherwise they get confused and bored.



While this Was Going on We Received Orders To Continue to the L.Z. and as we Sped toward our destination, Raiders 1 & 2 Our Close Air Support, Sped by, Dropping two GCO's (Ground Clearing Ordnance Or Gecko's ), On the Enemy Below.

"Raiders 1 & 2 are Winchester, RTB."

But The Flak Kept Coming, Reaching out to Touch and Consume the VTOls in their Fiery Embrace. As we Continued To the L.Z. a Burst of Plasma Slamed into the Side of the VTOL I was in , Melting off a Vectoring Thruster Mounted on the Left Wing, As the VTOL Began To Roll Wildly To the Right, the Pilots Started To panic, "Mayday, Mayday, Mayday, Black Bird 2, We are hit Hard, port vectoring thruster is unresponsive, Preparing For emergency hard insertion, Beacon is active on EHF Band, Oh God, Were not gunna make it!" As We tried to get into position In the Troop Hold, The Jump Light Went Red, Then Green. The Outer Door of the VTOL slid back, And those of us in postion were Tipped back in our Pods and fast inserted down at about 300 Feet. Those who weren't were just plain unlucky. 20 seconds after the 11th pod was inserted, another kenetic shell got lucky and hit the spine of the VTOL sending the wreckage flipping into the ground. I was lucky.
Lot's of 'lucky' in this paragraph.

Being as low to the ground as we were, I Hadn't expected many casualties until we hit the ground and began to push towards the enemy Flak emplacements. We lost 3 pods during the drop, two collided with each other mid-air, one was hit by a kenetic shell. Due to the odd angle that the VTOL was at when our pods were launched, we landed in a 50 yard line. Again, due to the angle at which we were launched, the pods skipped acrossed the ground like a stone across a lake. my pod hit a small knoll and half buried itself.

As I tried to find the hatch release, I could hear the other pods landing, their occupants emerging, taking and returning fire, and attempting to regroup. It took me over 2 minutes to kick that damn hatch open. By the time I got out of that cylindrical death trap, most of my platoon had already regrouped, and was starting to push slowly towards this unknown enemy's flak postions. I ran to Where my squad was clustered just as they were about to enter a flak emplacement. As we moved into positions around the 20 foot wide emplacement, the sound of the AA was deafening, pounding my ear drums unmercilessly, so much so that the sound of the grenade that one of the troopers threw over the sandbag wall and into the pit went almost unnoticed. as we vaulted over the wall and into the pit, I began watching for movement, Anything to give me a couple seconds edge.

Once we were over the edge, we beheld a great hulking machine of war, a anti air emplacement like no other. This monster stood about 20 feet high, with 4 massive legs half buried in the dirt while it's quad barreled plasma cell cannon spewed fiery death into the night sky above. since we hadn't been spotted yet, one of the troopers unstrapped a A-93 DE-AP(delayed explosion, armor piercing.) launcher from his back webbing and fired straight at the center of the vehicle. it disappeared in a flash of fire and smoke, Pieces of it rained down on us as it's twisted hulk groaned to the ground. after making sure that the crew was dead, (just a formality really.) Pfc. Bradley Kinney, Pv. Seth Merril, and Pfc. Sean Fitzpatrick, were the nearest to me as soon as the pods hit ground, Cpl.Sam Emerson met up with the other three while I was still trying to get out of that DAMN pod. And finally, Spc. Chris Koch fell in with the others while I was making my way towards them. And that was my Squad.( well, the ones that didn't have thier bodies Smeared across the ground.) The other two(Pfc. Giles and Pv. Frost) were declared MIA and were never seen again. (Probably ran straight into a enemy patrol. ) we waited to see if an enemy patrol would investigate the explosion for about 3 minutes.
You're doing a thing that man writers do called "info dumping". What that means is in the last three paragraphs we've experienced an AA emplacement being destroyed and the introduction of 7 faceless soldiers. Too much info and it slows the pace of your writing, which is pretty good in these action sequences.

When nobody showed up, we proceeded towards the continuing fire fight raging ahead of us, What had been thought to be a Milk run mission had turned into a Massive meeting engagement with a unknown enemy. Because of that, the rest of Charlie Company Was Being Inserted 25 klicks East of the inital Contact Point along with the 768th Armored Battalions Dog Company (Light Mechanized.) As we advanced South to link up with the rest of Charlie Company, Another stricken Transport Vtol Dropped from the sky without it's left wing. As they tried to Launch the troop pods, one of the pods failed to detach and, true to design, waited the full 4 seconds until rocket ignition. The VTOL's transport bay instantly exploded. As the flaming wreck hurtled towards the ground, The Pilots tried to launch The pods Before the VTOL, Pods and all Hit the ground. Only two pods were lauched before the failed pod's rockets burned into the troop compartment. None of us saw where either landed.

After walking for several minutes Pfc.Sean Suggested we stop and check our bearings In the cover of a group of coniferous trees overlooking a large drop-off . Cpl.Emerson Gave us the O.K. and told PV. Merril and Pfc. Kinney to set up security. As Spc.Koch , Myself, and Cpl.Emerson Checked Our bearings Pv. Merril Suddenly Motioned us over, Motioned us to be quiet, and pointed over the edge. A endless sea of lights moving Toward the engagment site. Tanks, light Mechanized, Troop carriers. All moving into the area on a massive scale. As soon as we realized the scale of the Movement on the other side of the drop-off Emerson immediately ordered us to back away from the edge and to seal our combat Suits.

"Alright, back. Seal 'em. Kinney, Get on that shit and call in the contacts. Edwards, Take Merill, watch 'em, no surprises eh?" As We moved back to the Edge of the dropoff Pv. Kinney began Calling in to Charlie Company's Command post.

"Wizzard 1-1, This is Kiwi 1-1 Over."



" Go ahead Kiwi 1-1."

"Heavy assumed contact at gridline... Kilo 2-3. Requesting Strike on contact. over."

"Roger Kiwi 1-1, Guru 3-4 is on station, Tac 4. Wizzard 1-1 out."

As Kinney called in the strike, Me and Pv. Merril watched as machines of war lumbered into position. Mobile flak cannons, assault ships, armored vehicles, and enemy artillery positions continuously lumbered into view. as me and pv. Merill Laid watching This Unimaginable advance of men and machine and supply, Enemy Air support began to streak overhead. First it was the small points of light That meant escort fighters, Then the gigantic shadows of the support bomber glided past silently searching, finding, and killing, The members of Charlie and Dog Companies. It was a Haunting sight. Well, until Emerson told us, "Were pulling out! Foward lines are about to break, were headed back to the main lines."

Kinney was still on the radio as we fell back,

"Guru 3-4, Gridline Kilo 2-3-9 is now clear of friendlies. Break. Break. Wizzard 1-1 this is Kiwi 1-1 we are Oscar-Mike toward gridline Charlie 2-1-7. How copy?"

" Wizzard 1-1, 5 by. Out."



We ran. Oh how we ran.

We ran when the Foward lines broke As if no one was there.

We Ran when The tree's exploded in front of us and above us From the enemy artillery, As if The trees themselves conspired against us.

A unknown Enemy. A enemy Which attacked without warning or provocation. A enemy Of such a massive scale that for the first time in 30 years The North Westeren Confederation went to war. real, full scale, multi-national, armed conflict. We weren't ready. No-one was.

As we ran through the frozen landscape, Shells burst, The ground rocked and the sky screamed. Emerson Had Merril on point as Fitz went on rear security. As we ran Kinney Screamed into his handset. Although, That didn't really last long. "—ru 3-3! Lead is

g-ne, no beac-n! L-ft tank -it! Sig-ting Sof-ware Has failed! E.R.E. is Dep-oying! Ejec-! " "Shit! Corporal! Air's Gone!". " Raise command! Kinney, Patch it through my comms!" "done!" "Kiwi Actual to Wizzard 1-1, Over." "Send it." " Air Support is gone! We are Two klicks out from Company HQ and still receiving enemy ranged fire! Request sitrep ASAP, Over!" "Kiwi Actual this is Wizzard Actual, Enemy Contacts are within 1 klick Of 768th's battalion Headquarters position, You are now 6 klicks inside the DMZ. Charlie And Dog Companies previous postions are overrun. The 1st NWC Army's lines are marked on your Hud, Godspeed. Wizzard Actual out." Spc. Fitzpatrick swapped me into his postion while he moved up the line to talk to Emerson.

"Orders sir?"

"Slow it down, We take this Slow and careful."

"Yessir."

As our sudden and unknown enemies streaked overhead, and stalked the ground around us, we made our way, step by step, toward the rapidly forming lines of the enemy. As we approached the now drawn battle lines, Artillery salvos from both sides had begun to pour onto both sides of the line. Emerson keyed his comm,
I was following before, but now I have no idea what's happening.

"Next time a particularly big salvo hits their lines were going through."



We had hidden ourselves in the particularly shitty cover of two trees that had fallen on top of each over. These two trees were about 200 yards from the enemy lines. Over open ground, Through enemy rear guard, over the no-mans land alive with bursting shells and plasma fire. Only to get to the other side and risk getting hit by our own forces as well.

"Hell no."

"Pv. Merrill, I will Fucking drag you Across there by your- Alright thats it! Go!"

And suddenly I was charging a enemy foward base along with 5 other troopers. Through a 500 yards No doubt full of mines and hellish Contraptions devised to kill men And Definitely, Utterly, devoid of any cover.

As we ran, "That last Salvo Must've been a Gecko!" Emerson Yelled over his shoulder. Since we were still running and not dead in a puddle of our own fluids, The last bombing Run must've hit a Power source Or killed them all. But judging From past experience, the latter probably wasn't the case. Wishful thinking gets you killed.

As we ran the last 50 yards, I Didn't think I was going to live through this, At 40, I couldn't believe I had let him talk me into this, at 30, I wondered When they were going to Kill us, at 10, I wondered Where they all were, and at 5 I looked for suitable cover, knowing that at this piticular moment I wasn't going to die. We Started to move through the lines, Which were hastily dug foxholes covered with small tree branches And surround by Auto Turrets. All of which had thier power knocked out in the last barrage. Still Scared the shit out of us. All it would take is one of those to reboot and it'd take all of us out before you could even blink. As we moved through the left side of the Encampment, There was nothing. No patrols, No guards, Nothing. Merrill wanted to check in the foxholes. Emerson Ignored him. Sean Told him about Booby traps. When we reached the other side of the Camp without incident, Emerson Turned to Kinney,
Okay I'm back with you now.

"Call for Sitrep, Let them know were about to cross the D.M.Z"

" Wizzard 1-1, This is Kiwi 1-1, we are within sight of friendly lines, 300 yards from, how copy?"

"Kiwi 1-1, this is Wizzard 1-1, Come on home, Were expecting you."

"Roger Wizzard 1-1"

"Alright, You heard the man, Get a move on! Stupid fucks... just standing there..." Said a relieved Cpl. Emerson with a small chuckle and couple shakes of the head.

Okay. This is good, and I like the way you've paid great attention to detail when it comes to the authenticity of the military aspect of your writing. The problem with that is that most casual readers will not understand the jargon and terms like DMZ, AA and other 'common' military terms, even rank contractions (Sgt, Maj, Cpl, etc.). I think it's important to retain that authenticity without distancing readers from the action.

You really must go through and proofread this piece. The grammar isn't right, and it makes it hard to read. Watch your capital letters, because they were popping up all over the place instead of only at the beginning of sentences and proper nouns.

I like the idea, I like the plot, and I like style, I just think that maybe you should refine both this and Ch. 1 (which I read too) and clean them up a little before continuing. Either way, please keep going with this story, because I will read everything you upload and continue to give advice! There are not enough military writers out there, keep it up!
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Thu Aug 11, 2011 2:25 pm
MonoTheElderish says...



Yeah, I tried to fix the capitals but I guess I missed quite a bit. Would a glossary make it easier for casual readers? As far as the weaponry goes, I figured it was plasma gas inside a casing of a material comparable to glass although stronger, that would contain a inactive form of plasma. On impact, the mechanism inside the casing would produce a spark, which would ignite the gas, turning it into active plasma. Which would act similar to a small shaped charge. better? Dont have time to edit at the moment. I will do it as soon as I have the time though.
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Thu Aug 11, 2011 9:45 pm
RoachRedford! says...



Yeah a glossary might help for sure. Yeah that makes heaps of sense actually, and I think you could probably weave that description into the narrative somewhere. Keep up the good work.
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Thu Aug 11, 2011 10:17 pm
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Thanks! I'll work on a glossary one of these days then. It actually sounds kinda fun.
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Tue Aug 16, 2011 9:59 pm
bElL3 says...



After several weeks of continuous training, The remaining members of training group B Were dispersed among the companies of the 768th. Jonanthan Was assigned to Fox Company's 1st Platoon As a Tier 1 Operator. Due to my natural affinity for long range(long-range) weapons I was attached to Charlie Company's 4th Platoon, 2nd Squad, as a close support marksman. At the time(comma) our southern border was contested by the "F.U.P." Or " Free United Peoples. a (A)loosely organized group of bandits and outcasts.
They had become increasingly daring over the last couple months, and because of that(comma) our battalion, the 768th, had been deployed south, to counter the steady northern advance of the F.U.P. On the night of the 13th of June, around 2200 hours, we were told to report to the S-4 to get our standard issue equipment. Once I had been issued my bedroll, permanent uniform, HK-278/9, (Just a standard HK-278 Plasma Cell Assault rifle with a x6 optics enhancing scope.) And my other necessary Items, (Battle pack, MRE's, Storage Duffel, Etc.) I trotted across the staging ground, really just a big open space just inside of the walls of Fort 425, to my assigned tent. When I finally got to my tent, My tentmate (tent mate) was already asleep, so I stowed my gear under my cot and tried to get as much sleep as I could before what I expected to be a very early wake-up.

4 Hours Later I was Kicked (kicked) awake by my surly bunkmate. The 4th was being ordered on a Mssion,(mission) a SCM (Sector Clearing Mission). We were to be inserted low and fast, just north of a small F.U.P. camp.Roughly 30 Klicks north, So That we were in position to ambush the camp as it moved north, into the NWC's territory. We were be flown in on 4 UH-161's 24 men a VTOL(* Vertical Take off and Landing Variable Engine pitch Aircraft. Most notably used during the 2384-97 Eurasian wars.) I was issued 175 Rounds for my rifle and ordered to the second VTOL.
Should've (should have. Some contractions in the narrative are okay, but sometimes they don’t look right.) grabbed more. About 5 Klicks out of our target area we started Taking ground fire. And not Small caliber stuff either, Big, fat, high-velocity Kenetic Rounds Flew through the air, Plasma Shells burst all around us Showering us with hot Globs of high-grade Plasma that could burn through a man in 20 seconds. Way more shit than intel said the F.U.P. should've had. 2 Klicks out we lost a VTOL. A kenetic shell got lucky and smacked through it's (its. It’s and its are two totally different things)left fan. The pilot Had been trying to avoid the enemy flak and had flown straight into it. We had been Ordered to Key Into the Vtol Tac Channel Through our headsets. As soon as the VTOL was hit the Chaos Exploded into the Headsets.
"Black Bird 3 is down, Heavy Contact in L.Z."
"Standby For CAS Request!"
"Requesting JTAC Intervention!"
"Roger that, Raiders 1 and 2 On-station!"
"Raiders 1 & 2 Inbound To attack, 60 secs, Out."
"Raider 1 Ingressing(Ingressing?) to Target!"
"Raider 2 is in the POP!"
"Roger Cleared hot, Weapons Free."

While this Was Going on We Received Orders To Continue to the L.Z. and as we Sped toward our destination, Raiders 1 & 2 Our Close Air Support, Sped by, Dropping two GCO's (Ground Clearing Ordnance Or Gecko’s), On the Enemy Below.
"Raiders 1 & 2 are Winchester, RTB."

But The Flak Kept Coming, Reaching out to Touch and Consume the VTOls in their Fiery Embrace. As we Continued To the L.Z. a Burst of Plasma Slamed into the Side of the VTOL I was in , Melting off a Vectoring Thruster Mounted on the Left Wing, As the VTOL Began To Roll Wildly To the Right, the Pilots Started To panic, "Mayday, Mayday, Mayday, Black Bird 2, We are hit Hard, port vectoring thruster is unresponsive, Preparing For emergency hard insertion, Beacon is active on EHF Band, Oh God, Were not gunna (gonna) make it!" (<super long sentence again, too many capitalizations, and you need to separate the dialogue from the main narrative... that goes for most of this paragraph) As We tried to get into position In the Troop Hold, The Jump Light Went Red, Then Green( in the troop hold, the jump light went red, then green). The Outer Door of the VTOL slid back, And those of us in postion(position) were Tipped (tipped)back in our Pods and fast inserted down at about 300 Feet. Those who weren't were just plain unlucky. 20 seconds after the 11th pod was inserted, another kenetic (kinetic)shell hit the spine of the VTOL sending the wreckage flipping into the ground.
Being as low to the ground as we were, I Hadn't expected many casualties until we hit the ground and began to push towards the enemy Flak (flak)emplacements. We lost 3 pods during the drop, two collided with each other mid-air, one was hit by a kenetic (kinetic)shell. Due to the odd angle that the VTOL was at when our pods were launched, we landed in a 50 yard line. Again, due to the angle at which we were launched, the pods skipped acrossed (across)the ground like a stone across a lake. my(My) pod hit a small knoll and half buried itself.
As I tried to find the hatch release, I could hear the other pods landing, their occupants emerging, taking and returning fire, and attempting to regroup. It took me over 2 minutes to kick that damn hatch open. By the time I got out of that cylindrical death trap, most of my platoon had already regrouped, and was starting to push slowly towards this unknown enemy's flak postions.(positions) I ran to Where (where) my squad was clustered just as they were about to enter a flak emplacement. As we moved into positions around the 20 foot wide emplacement, the sound of the AA was deafening, pounding my ear drums unmercilessly(mercilessly. Unmercilessly isn’t a word) , so much so that the sound of the grenade that one of the troopers threw over the sandbag wall and into the pit went almost unnoticed. as (As)we vaulted over the wall and into the pit, I began watching for movement, Anything(anything) to give me a couple seconds edge.

Once we were over the edge, we beheld a great hulking machine of war, a(an) anti air emplacement like no other. This monster stood about 20 feet high, with 4 massive legs half buried in the dirt while it's (its)quad barreled plasma cell cannon spewed fiery death into the night sky above. since (Since)we hadn't been spotted yet, one of the troopers unstrapped a A-93 DE-AP(delayed explosion, armor piercing.) launcher from his back webbing and fired straight at the center of the vehicle. it (It)disappeared in a flash of fire and smoke, Pieces of it rained down on us as it's twisted hulk groaned to the ground. after (After)making sure that the crew was dead.
When nobody showed up, we proceeded towards the continuing fire fight (firefight)raging ahead of us, (period) What had been thought to be a Milk(milk) run mission had turned into a Massive meeting engagement with a unknown enemy. Because of that, the rest of Charlie Company Was Being Inserted 25 klicks East of the initial(initial) Contact Point along with the 768th Armored Battalions Dog Company (Light Mechanized.) As we advanced South (south) to link up with the rest of Charlie Company, Another (another) stricken Transport(transport) Vtol(VTOL) Dropped (dropped)from the sky without it's left wing. As they tried to Launch(launch) the troop pods, one of the pods failed to detach and, true to design, waited the full 4 seconds until rocket ignition. The VTOL's transport bay instantly exploded. As the flaming wreck hurtled towards the ground, The Pilots(pilots) tried to launch The(the) pods Before (before) the VTOL, Pods(pods) and all Hit (hit)the ground. Only two pods were lauched(launched) before the failed pod's rockets burned into the troop compartment. None of us saw where either landed.
After walking for several minutes Pfc.Sean Suggested we stop and check our bearings In the cover of a group of coniferous trees overlooking a large drop-off. Cpl.Emerson Gave (gave)us the O.K. and told PV. Merril and Pfc. Kinney to set up security. As Spc.Koch , Myself(myself), and Cpl.Emerson Checked Our bearings Pv. Merril Suddenly Motioned us over, Motioned us to be quiet, and pointed over the edge. A endless sea of lights moving Toward the engagment(engagement) site. Tanks, light Mechanized, Troop carriers.(comma) All moving into the area on a massive scale. As soon as we realized the scale of the Movement on the (take out every capitalized word unless it’s a name or title and replace it with a lower case let and you’ll be golden Also, get rid of the abbreviations)other side of the drop-off Emerson immediately ordered us to back away from the edge and to seal our combat Suits.
"Alright, back. Seal 'em. Kinney, Get on that shit and call in the contacts. Edwards, Take Merill, watch 'em, no surprises eh?" As We moved back to the Edge of the dropoff(drop-off) Pv. Kinney began Calling in to Charlie Company's Command post.
"Wizzard 1-1, This(this) is Kiwi 1-1(comma) Over(over)."

"Go ahead Kiwi 1-1."
"Heavy assumed contact at gridline... Kilo 2-3. Requesting Strike on contact. over."
"Roger Kiwi 1-1, Guru 3-4 is on station, Tac 4. Wizzard 1-1 out."

As Kinney called in the strike, Me and Pv. Merril(Private Merill and I) watched as machines of war lumbered into position. Mobile flak cannons, assault ships, armored vehicles, and enemy artillery positions continuously lumbered into view. as me and pv. Merill Laid (As Private Merill and I lay) watching This Unimaginable (this unimaginable) advance of men and machine and supply, Enemy Air (enemy air) support began to streak overhead. First it was the small points of light That(that) meant escort fighters, Then (then)the gigantic shadows of the support bomber glided past silently searching, finding, and killing, The members of Charlie and Dog Companies. It was a Haunting sight. Well, until Emerson told us, "Were pulling out! Forward(forward) lines are about to break, were headed back to the main lines."
Kinney was still on the radio as we fell back,
"Guru 3-4, Gridline Kilo 2-3-9 is now clear of friendlies. Break. Break. Wizzard 1-1 this is Kiwi 1-1 we are Oscar-Mike toward gridline Charlie 2-1-7. How copy?"
" Wizzard 1-1, 5 by. Out."

We ran. Oh how we ran.
We ran when the Foward (forward) lines broke As(as) if no one was there.
We Ran(ran) when The(the) tree's exploded in front of us and above us From(from) the enemy artillery, As(as) if The trees themselves conspired against us.
A unknown Enemy. A enemy Which attacked without warning or provocation. A enemy Of such a massive scale that for the first time in 30 years The North Westeren (Western. You’ve spelt it that way a few times, is that really what it’s called?) Confederation went to war. real, full scale, multi-national, armed conflict. We weren't ready. No-one(no one) was.
As we ran through the frozen landscape, Shells(shells) burst, The ground rocked and the sky screamed. Emerson Had(had) Merril on point as Fitz went on rear security. As we ran Kinney Screamed(screamed) into his handset. Although, That(that) didn't really last long. "—ru 3-3! Lead is
g-ne, no beac-n! L-ft tank -it! Sig-ting Sof-ware Has failed! E.R.E. is Dep-oying! Ejec-! " "Shit! Corporal! Air's Gone!". " Raise command! Kinney, Patch it through my comms!" "done!" "Kiwi Actual to Wizzard 1-1, Over." "Send it." " Air Support is gone! We are Two klicks out from Company HQ and still receiving enemy ranged fire! Request sitrep ASAP, Over!" "Kiwi Actual this is Wizzard Actual, Enemy Contacts are within 1 klick Of 768th's battalion Headquarters position, You are now 6 klicks inside the DMZ. Charlie And Dog Companies previous postions(positions) are overrun. The 1st NWC Army's lines are marked on your Hud, Godspeed. Wizzard Actual out." Spc. Fitzpatrick swapped me into his postion(position) while he moved up the line to talk to Emerson. (Ohhhhhh wow, I’m confused… military jargon has a way of doing that to me though. Same with truckers. Separate the dialogue from the narrative, almost like you have it below, maybe then it’ll be somewhat easier to read.)
"Orders sir?"
"Slow it down, We (we)take this Slow(slow) and careful."
"Yessir."
As our sudden and unknown enemies streaked overhead, and stalked the ground around us, we made our way, step by step, toward the rapidly forming lines of the enemy. As we approached the now drawn battle lines, Artillery salvos from both sides had begun to pour onto both sides of the line. Emerson keyed his comm, (You use “line” and “lines” a lot here, I’d replace some of them with “ranks”, “defenses”, stuff like that, just for more variety)
"Next time a particularly big salvo hits their lines were going through."

We had hidden ourselves in the particularly shitty cover of two trees that had fallen on top of each over. These two trees were about 200 yards from the enemy lines. Over open ground, Through enemy rear guard, over the no-mans(man’s) land alive with bursting shells and plasma fire. Only to get to the other side and risk getting hit by our own forces as well.
"Hell no."
"Pv.(I wouldn’t abbreviate in dialogue…or at all, when writing unless maybe you’re describing a badge with those letters on it or something. I dunno, that’s just how I feel about it) Merrill,(you keep changing the spelling of this guy's name, which is somewhat confusing) I will Fucking(fucking) drag you Across(across) there by your- Alright thats(that’s) it! Go!"

And suddenly I was charging a (an)enemy foward (forward) base along with 5 other troopers. Through a (cut “a”)500 yards(comma) No(no) doubt full of mines and hellish Contraptions(contraptions) devised to kill men And Definitely, Utterly,(and definitely, utterly) devoid of any cover. (too me this last sentence reads funny for some reason. It might be the way you have it worded, I’m not sure…)
As we ran, "That last Salvo Must've(must’ve) been a Gecko!" Emerson Yelled over his shoulder. Since we were still running and not dead in a puddle of our own fluids, The last bombing Run(run) must've hit a Power(power) source Or(or) killed them all. But judging From (from)past experience, the latter probably wasn't the case. Wishful thinking gets you killed.
As we ran the last 50 yards, I Didn't(didn’t) think I was going to live through this, At 40, I couldn't believe I had let him talk me into this, at 30, I wondered When(when) they were going to Kill(kill) us, at 10, I wondered Where they all were, and at 5 I looked for suitable cover, knowing that at this piticular moment I wasn't going to die.(<cut this sentence in two) We Started(started) to move through the lines, Which were hastily dug foxholes covered with small tree branches And (and) surround by Auto Turrets. All of which had thier (their)power knocked out in the last barrage. Still Scared (scared)the shit out of us. All it would take is one of those to reboot and it'd take all of us out before you could even blink. As we moved through the left side of the Encampment, There was nothing. No patrols, No guards, Nothing.(Umm… maybe replace those commas with periods) Merrill wanted to check in the foxholes. Emerson Ignored(ignored) him. Sean Told(told) him about Booby(booby…am I immature for laughing at that word?) traps. When we reached the other side of the Camp without incident, Emerson Turned to Kinney,
"Call for Sitrep, Let them know were about to cross the D.M.Z"
“Wizzard 1-1, This(this) is Kiwi 1-1, we are within sight of friendly lines, 300 yards from, how copy?"
"Kiwi 1-1, this is Wizzard 1-1, Come on home, Were expecting you."
"Roger Wizzard 1-1" (I don’t know if you mean to spell wizard like this so I’m not really correcting it I was just wondering)
"Alright, You heard the man, Get a move on! Stupid fucks... just standing there..." Said a relieved Cpl. Emerson with a small chuckle and couple shakes of the head.


So after reading through this i have to say I still like it. It could still use some revising, and maybe even some character development but other than that I really like this so far. Most of what I wrote above are nit-picks and a few spelling and grammar corrections. Like in the last chapter there are alot of points where you capitalize every other word and that makes it confusing. On top of that though, you use sooooooooooooo many abbreviations. Half way through reading this I got a headache trying to figure out what meant what and who was who. It's very confusing... maybe you should just lay off all the lingo and put into terms that people like myself can understand ;)
Take out the "Cpls" the "Pvs" and just call these people by their last names and maybe here and there remind us of their ranks but not in abbreviations.
So any way, great stuff! hope to see more soon :D


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Wed Aug 17, 2011 12:49 am
MonoTheElderish says...



Thank You! Will do! Editing is on the way! Thanks again for the review!

Edit,

The spelling of "Wizzard" is intentional. It's so the callsign is more recognizable over the comm net.

Let me know if i missed anything. Almost done with the next chapter too, so i'll probably be posting it soon.
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