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Apocalypse:What now? Chapter 1



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Fri Sep 09, 2011 10:44 pm
captaindomdude says...



Chapter 1

The red light at the chamber’s base began blinking as the last fail safe protocol activated. In the event that any and all power fails, the chamber will send out its S.O.S through the system and deactivate, opening its doors to whomever was inside. This is what happened to the dusty forgotten cyro-chamber number twelve. The red light began blinking, and the extreme cold finally shut off. The air-sealed door undid its locks, allowing just enough space for the frigid air to escape. This in turn did two things. One, as the cold air escaped, the chamber’s occupant finally began to awaken after his long assisted sleep. Two, the chamber opening activated the room.

The teen’s eyes slowly opened a crack then immediately shut as his brain began to wake up and receive stimulation, causing a massive headache. After a moment, he gasped, and then inhaled a large breath. The intake of cool air allowed his brain to begin functioning a little more. Slowly, he began breathing normally, and after a few moments, opened his eyes again. The frosted glass greeted him, and he began to panic. With a sudden burst of energy, he slammed his hands against the door. The door swung open creakily, and the teen was greeted with a new sight. The room was dark, the small amount of light from inside his chamber barely penetrating the darkness. From the base of the chamber, a dim red light could be seen, though it was growing dimmer before his eyes. He tried seeing into the darkness, but nothing could be seen through it. No natural light filtered in, and whatever artificial light may have existed seemed to have died long ago. He let out a small exhale of pain as he tried to work through his limbs stiffness. He tried to take a step out of the chamber, and his first step out was successful; his bare foot touching the dusty, long forgotten tiled floor. He leaned forward to take another step, and fell forward, his leg not ready to support his weight yet. He crashed to the ground, letting out a cry of pain as his thin body met the harsh floor. He clenched his eyes closed, trying to block out the stiffness, pain, and utter humiliation he felt at that moment. A second passed, and he opened his eyes again, finding something new greeting him. Long strips of the floor were glowing blue, looking like ethereal wires stretching from his chamber, to something on the wall. From that spot on the wall, green strips were stretching out, going all over the room. He stared at the spot on the wall, and made out a square of some kind. While he was staring, a tiny white light appeared in the bottom left corner of the square. That light suddenly stretched across the square, and the he realized he was looking at a screen. He continued to watch, and after a moment, the blank whiteness of the screen was replaced with a picture of a room. It was a homely looking place, like something out of a painting or greeting card. The walls were tan and covered with pictures, one wall held a fireplace in which a crackling little fire was lit. There was a book shelf across from it, and in front of the fireplace was a small round red rug. A dark purple chair sat in the center of the room, and in the chair was a little old woman, the stereotype of the elderly grandmother everyone wants. She was short, wearing thick glasses and simple, yet elegant tan dress. She had a shawl draped around her shoulders, a rich yellow thing with sequins. And on her lap was a sleeping orange tabby cat. And she seemed to be looking right out at the teen on the ground. He lay there, staring at the picture on the screen, and trying to make sense of it. Out of nowhere a crackling voice filled the air, a voice the teen imagined the grandmother would sound like. It was sweet, old, and sounded like the grandmother everyone wished they had, “Hello Dearie! My, you look positively refreshed. Well, you should, after all, you’ve been napping for quite some time.”

The teen looked around, startled at the voice. After checking the room, he couldn’t find anyone in there, so he guessed it must be a recording.

As if the elderly woman was reading his thoughts, she continued, “No, sorry dearie, I’m afraid that while I’m not a recording, I’m not there with you either. My name is Generated Revival Assistant Nurse Program. Of course, I’m usually called G.R.A.N.”

The teen lay there confused, trying to make sense of what he heard. He asked in a creaky, soft voice, “Are you a computer?”

G.R.A.N. Laughed, “No Dearie, I’m what’s called a L.A.I, or Limited Artificial Intelligence. I’m a highly advanced computer program tasked with monitoring and overseeing the Cryogenics wing of the Jacob’s Medical Science hospital.”

The teen, still confused, but not as much, began to shift. He could sense feeling and some strength returning to his limbs, and with effort, began to sit up. He rolled onto his stomach, got on his hand and knees, then slowly got into a kneeling position. Breathing heavily, he looked back at the screen and, while trying to gather enough energy to stand, asked, “Limited? What does a L.A.I mean?”

G.R.A.N chuckled again and replied, “I am a fully functioning Artificial Intelligence, meaning I can think and reason like you can. However, I am only able to perform the functions defined in my programing parameters. I cannot add functions, nor can I modify my programming the way unlimited A.I’s can. But since I have a really big job, there isn’t a lot I can’t do in this section of the hospital.”

The teen nodded. A second later he doubled over as a wave of pain went through him. He began coughing, and soon specks of blood began to splatter on the floor below him. G.R.A.N’s tone immediately changed, and she said, “Oh dear, can you walk?” The teen sat there, trying to block the pain. Eventually, he nodded and slowly began to rise. He stood up and immediately began to teeter. He took a few steps and managed to lean against one of the closed Cyro-chambers before falling over again. He looked up at the screen again, and G.R.A.N’s voice called out again, “Before I can help you, I need to know what’s wrong. Maybe I can find your case file. What’s your name?”

The teen thought for a moment, trying to recall through the pain. After a moment, he replied, “Markus. Markus Hudson.” There was silence while he waited, then G.R.A.N’s voice came back “Cardiac tumors located on the heart, causing marantic endocarditis. A simple removal surgery and cell regrowth stimulant will leave you just fine.”

Markus nodded and looked around; the room was much more visible now. He hadn’t noticed, but several lights had turned on while he was talking. They were dim, but he could see well enough to make out the room. Most of it was dusty, and cobwebs hung from practically everything. There were several holes in the ceiling, and wires hung from one of them. There was a creepy, abandoned feel to the room. A small square block sat alone on the far side of the room, away from all the other chambers. A yellow strip of light ran from the screen to the block.

G.R.A.N’s voice filled the air again “The Light is pointing you to an Automatic Medical Procedure table, where I’ll go ahead perform the surgery you need. Just follow the yellow brick road dearie.”

Markus looked over at the table; it seemed much farther away than before. His vision seemed to lose focus for a second. With a small grunt, he began taking steps towards that side of the room. He continued to use the cyro-chamber for support, and made it around the chamber. There was a gap between the one he was using and the next one. He gritted his teeth and stepped forward, trying to make it to the next chamber before he fell over. He started to topple, but grabbed the cylinder before collapsing. Breathing heavily, he started making his way towards the next one. He continued with this until he made it to the end of the room. On the very last cyro-chamber, he stopped for a brief second and looked inside. A woman’s corpse stared back, leaning against the glass from inside. Her eyes were blank, her skin blue from suffocation. Her mouth was open, as if still trying to bring in a breath. Everything was perfectly preserved, and that frightened him the most. With a cry, he jumped away and stumbled backward. He promptly tripped over his own feet, and fell crashing to the floor again.
After a moment of pain, he looked up at the table. It wasn’t too far away, but he felt like his legs would break if he tried walking again. Groaning, he began crawling towards the table. Once he reached it, he gritted his teeth again, and, using the table itself for support, slowly raised himself up and managed to get on it. Breathing heavily from exhaustion, he lay there waiting for G.R.A.N to activate the table.

Her voice rang out again, “Oh dear, you poor thing. Your condition must be quite advanced for it to have been that much trouble for you.”
She fell silent, but a slight whirring sound could be heard as the AMP table activated. Several thin metal appendages appeared from the side of the table, each holding something different. One held a vial of dark blue liquid, another held a scalpel, and another held a set of clamps.

G.R.A.N’s voice appeared again, “Now dearie, I’m afraid the anesthesia hasn’t been replaced in, oh, thirty-seven years . So it might not work as well the fresh stuff.”

Without warning, a needle appeared in the vial of blue liquid and it jabbed into Markus’s arm. He cried out in pain, and then lay there as the outdated anesthesia began to take effect. His vision began to swim and fade, the feeling stopped in all parts of his body. He felt weightless, detached from his body. He couldn’t tell if he moved his body or not, but he heard a distorted voice that sounded far away telling him to stop moving. He wasn’t sure if he was or not, but after a minute, several steel clamps appeared from the table, holding his neck, arms, chest and legs down. After that, his vision blurred again and he knew no more.

*yes, finally managed to get the first actual chapter up. Still have one more to post before I'm caught up. Review and help out please.
"If beauty could be done without the pain, well I'd rather never see life's beauty again"-Modest Mouse.

"What lies beneath this mask is more then a man, it's an idea. And ideas are bulletproof" V, V for Vendetta.
  





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Sat Sep 10, 2011 9:58 pm
roostangarar says...



This was awesome. There really isn't anything I can advise you to improve on, and I only found a single typo, and that's honestly just a matter of preference. The descriptions were, well, descriptive. You really set the scene perfectly, and I got a great mental image of what the room looked like. Maybe go into more detail about the main character, but I like the sense of mystery you create around him. I simply cannot wait for the next part to come out. Keep it up!
I hae but ane gallant son, and if he were to follow me in my footsteps, how proud I shall be.

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Mon Sep 12, 2011 12:07 am
fruityfortissimo says...



Hey fruity here!
This really was a fantastic piece of work. You had really good imagery and detail, and I felt like the character's were established immediately. I honestly dind't see anything that you needed to improve on. Grammer, dialogue, format, etc is honestly what I usually nit-pick on, but I didn't see any errors here. You used a lot of great vocabulary and once again your imagery was phenomenal. Plaease keep writing I look forward to reading other pieces of yours. (:

Love, fruity!
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."
Harvey Fierstein
"At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet."
Plato
  








Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity.
— Charles Mingus