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Destiny's Call: Chapter Five



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Thu Sep 22, 2011 9:07 pm
GeneralKaseyDaBomd says...



Chapter Five
Dark Dreams
World of darkness; dream

Skyhawk flinched and turned about on his bed; as he dreamt an overwhelming feeling of drowning flooding his thoughts and body. His eyesight became blurred by pitch black and the faint glow of eyes illuminated the dreamscape. A seductive voice whispered his name from the direction of the glow and he attentively looked over to see a beautiful, flowing essence drifting closer to him as it sluggishly took the shape of a panther, blending into the background of darkness, “I am Darcia,” the goddess told him softly, “I control the dark and commend all who obey it to my will’s desires. Why are you here?”
Skyhawk didn’t speak to her at first; he was too overwhelmed by her sheer beauty. Her onyx fur glittered in the tainted starlight and the deep purple runes on her body sparkled like jewels and cast a dim light over the floor of the dreamscape. Her glaring yellow eyes store into him like lasers and cut into his mind, “I... I’m Skyhawk, Decepticat soldier of Kaon. Why do you come to me?”
Darcia blinked her yellow-green eyes slowly and replied, “To solve your problems, young Skyhawk, Decepticat soldier of Kaon. Your rise within the ranks of your comrades is being halted by your lack of an elemental power or ability of any sort, but I do not doubt you, soldier of Kaon. I have chosen to grant you a chance of sorts to gain that power, but I warn you of the consequences if you fail. You will pay direly if you do not comply with my will, understand?”
Skyhawk didn’t even seem to catch the words she was releasing from her toothy maw. He reluctantly answered her question, “I… I will, oh queen of the dark, goddess of deception, and true guardian of all Decepticats, but I only ask of what I’m being asked.”
“I have dislocated my prized treasure,” Darcia growled regretfully, “as the ancient texts refer to it as the blood of Unicron the Destroyer, more commonly known as Dark Energon, it is the offspring of pure darkness and evil. It is my only substance available to me to draw upon to gain power and it has been stolen. I want you to retrieve it and bring it here to me along with the thief.”
He whisked his tail around fretfully, “What kind of power are we talking about for me, oh goddess Darcia?”
Darcia’s devious grin spread across her thin jaw and she stepped forward to touch noses with Skyhawk, “This power, Skyhawk, Decepticat soldier of Kaon!”
Skyhawk felt the sense of drowning once again but stronger. He gasped for breath but no air came to his throat, and blackness began to flood his vision. He lifted his head and urged his body to pull away from the goddess’ touch, but he was frozen. Skyhawk let the intense pain come like the flow of a stream and let out a yowl. The cry of agony sifted in the dreamscape and morphed into the roar of a true Decepticat. He felt the very essence of darkness sweep around him and seep into his body; pouring like coolant into his spark.
As the blackness began to clear and he saw the faint glow of Darcia’s eyes, he fell to the ground with a dull thump, his optics wide open in shock and his body motionless.

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Thunderstorm stood nervously by Shadow Prime and AK as they waited for the rest of their squad to arrive. The sun was just beginning to peak above the horizon and the dark shadows of Kaon cast on the ground. Fission and Fusion came sprinting up the roadway and skidded to a halt, almost slamming into AK. The head warlord gave them a cold stare that sent them shivering back a distance away from him. Deathstrike sat idly in the corner, resting his back on a piece of broken road. Thunderstorm felt a deep emptiness as she looked at the city for possibly the last time. The faint purple glow and the light of the dawn made the structures much more inviting, but a dark aura hung around it like smog. Her squad was ready to leave for Akayar. They were to be providing back up from the Decepticat soldiers under pressure near the massive underground city.
Although Shadow Prime and AK had wanted to leave as soon as possible, they had not left the city yet. Thunderstorm suspected that they sensed something was wrong. Maybe it did seem almost too tranquil a morning for Kaon, but if there was anything off about this one morning she didn’t notice it.
AK drew out a heavy sigh, “We should go, I’ve been holding us here too long. They need us in Akayar.”
Shadow Prime gave him a heavy nod and a worried glare, but AK pretended he didn’t notice, “Deathstrike and Fusion, you go scout the trail ahead. We’ll catch up to you around noon.”
The head warlord watched his soldiers go with a heavy heart, he always did, for he had the ever present fear that they wouldn’t come back. Thunderstorm watched him stare towards the valley to the west and the rugged mountains beyond, his heavy crimson optics locked in a blank stare. He settled down to the ground and rested his head on his paws.
It was a while later when he rose, shook his head, and commanded his squad to move out. Thunderstorm watched the city of Kaon slowly bleed into the blurred edges of the horizon. Second after second passed by and the city she knew well, the friends she knew so well, were silently fading away.
This is the life of a soldier, she scolded herself, and Skyhawk is most likely on the move to a battle as well. Why can’t I just forget about him and the rest of the Decepticats for just one measly minute?
She gave herself a good slap on the muzzle to clear her thoughts and let her paws carry her in the direction of the squad’s destination. Shadow Prime and AK were arguing over battle tactics for when they reached Akayar.
“We should try and scare them away first, and while they’re retreating hit them hard,” Shadow Prime hissed.
AK snorted amusingly, “You think to simply, Shadow Prime. Why not use the transportation tunnels of Akayar as an advantage instead of relying on Kaon’s lousy structural based battle plans to do the job while in a foreign city. We should lure those gullible Autopaws into the center of the city and then strike from all sides via the tunnels. They would be outnumbered and surrounded.”
Shadow Prime retorted, “We would be putting the outskirts of the city at risk because of that! Letting them travel that far would be dangerous. They could also have reserve soldiers ready if they sense it’s a trap. We’d be the ones in danger then.”
“Perhaps… I should reconsider,” AK muttered, “You bring out a good point, but the city is expendable, the lives of Decepticat soldiers aren’t. We will leave a squad of Akayar soldiers behind in the tunnels as backup.”
Shadow Prime hissed and looked away ignorantly, “Since when does he care about the lives of the soldiers,” she muttered to herself angrily. Thunderstorm watched them from afar, trekking behind Fission. The soldier was walking with his head hanging down, whispering to himself, “All I want in the end is a trip home…”

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Skyhawk awoke from his nightmare with sunlight pouring into his face through the windows. He rubbed his optics gently and let out a bellowing yawn. His fellow soldiers had left already, possibly for choice training or to hook up with friends. Skyhawk hated being on an inactive squad; it was utterly boring. Even more so with Thunderstorm gone.
“I’ll never fell happy until I’ve got Thunderstorm back…” he murmured to himself. He hefted his heavy body out of his bed and looked to the east, “That’s it. I’m fighting this new battle! I’m ditching this lazy squad! I’m going to Akayar!”

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Akayar was majestic, even from a distance. Thunderstorm’s optics twinkled as she gazed upon the beauty of the city. Metallic mountaintops glistened with fresh snow and a raging energon river plummeted off the side of a cliff. The perfect place to hide a city. AK and Shadow Prime led the squad towards the crystal blue waterfall, behind which were towering pillars of stone revealing the entrance to Akayar. It was breathtaking up close. With a smaller waterfall on the inside of the colossal overhang, purple and blue crystals hanging from the ceiling, and buildings made of gold, silver, and bronze. This was truly a crystal city.
AK greeted the guards with a firm salute which the soldiers greatly returned. The squad followed him inside the overhang. They quickly traced a route through the city to the waterfall where a giant pedestal made of dark purple crystals rose up from the ground. Sitting on top was a young, but strong, Decepticat with purple and black armor. His red optics were fixed on the squad as they approached him.
A stunningly beautiful female soldier was by his side, licking his wounds. She was lithe and flowing when she moved and had the most alluring crimson optics. She ran her thick tail over the other soldiers back, “Looks like we have visitors, Nightstalker. Go greet them, sweetheart.”
Nightstalker stood up and leapt nimbly off the pedestal, his mate behind him. AK bowed his head for only a second before speaking, “We’re your reinforcements from Kaon, sir.”
“Finally! We’ve been taking a pounding from the Autopaws lately. It seems they’ve received orders from the head of the commanders to take Akayar,” Nightstalker growled angrily, flexing his claws, “You have no idea what a relief it is to see that we might actually have a fighting chance in this. You will be very welcome in my city and especially among my soldiers.”
Shadow Prime drifted off as Nightstalker and AK chatted. She walked over to Whiteout, “How’s things here in Akayar, sis?”
“Wonderful, Shadow Prime. Nightstalker is just so upbeat about the situation,” Whiteout gawked with a wide grin.
“How’s the family?” Shadow Prime questioned softly.
“Risk is fine, but there was a deadly plague last stellar cycle…”
Shadow Prime gave her sister a suspenseful stare, “Did they…
Whiteout nodded painfully. Shadow Prime rested her paw on Whiteout’s shoulder as tears streamed down her face.
Nightstalker had dismissed the squad to their new quarters and had come over to find his mate crying. Shadow Prime left the two alone and went to join the squad. Thunderstorm peeped over her shoulder at Whiteout and couldn’t help but feel bad.
Nightstalker rested his head on Whiteout’s shoulder, “Frost and Aspen again, huh?”
Whiteout nodded and drew closer to Nightstalker, “They shouldn’t have gone like that. It was so painful to watch them slowly die in agony. Their last cries still haunt my dreams at night.”
“Take your revenge to the battlefield and we’ll never be beaten. Slaughter the Autopaws like the plague slaughter Frost and Aspen. Can you do that for me?” he asked, sympathetic.
Whiteout looked him in the optics and bared her teeth, “Yes I can…”
“Good. First thing tomorrow morning we’ll rally the troops for a raid on the Autopaws’ camp downriver. Now go rest up, we’ll need all the rest we can get.”

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Whiteout found herself in the deep darkness once again. Yowls and screeches of pain from the Decepticats infected by the plague flooded her sensitive ears. She grit her teeth and willed herself to be deaf, but the noises grew louder. Whiteout wondered what she had done to deserve this haunting. She had worked for six solar cycles without rest to save the poor soldiers, cadets, and even sparklings who had become a part of the plague. Being the only medic was extremely tough, and at that time she ran herself into the ground and it was all in vain.
“There was no cure!” Whiteout shouted into the black, “How was I supposed to save them! I did everything I could!”
The only response was the howling of souls from hell. Whiteout grabbed her face in her claws, leaving deep scratches, “What did I do to deserve this!”
Her energon slowly seeped from her face to what was the ground on this plane of eternal dark, staining it a translucent purple. A dull roar split the cries of the souls in two and the dreamscape was flooded over by a bone-chilling blast of white. Whiteout opened her optics only to find herself still in the dream, but surrounded by fog and snow under her paws. She took a deep breath, smelling the purity of an icy wasteland.
The sound of giant wings flapping against the gale aroused Whiteout from her solitary spot in the snow. A shadow appeared in the mist which soon became a stunning white dragon with sapphire blue eyes. Flowing horns spouted from its head and down its long neck. Its thick tail was ended with a fanning spine. The great dragon raised its head, “I’m Sulisia, the goddess of ice and I have come to show you a welcome sight.”
The white dragon stomped to the side and revealed the starry figures of two very young, female Decepticats. One was ice blue with black stripes and the other was stunning silver with deep blue markings like gusts of icy wind.
Whiteout’s optics became flooded with tears, “Frost… Aspen… you’re not the ones in my dreams! You’re not in pain!”
The sisters ran up to their mother and threw themselves onto her, cuddling up against Whiteout.
“I missed you so much,” Frost wailed happily before her voice turned stern, “You did so much to save me, Aspen, and the others who were sick. I’m so sorry you didn’t get the respect from the other victims you deserve.”
“So those were the others who had died crying out to me in my dreams, not you?” Whiteout asked, making sure she heard right.
Frost and Aspen both nodded.
Whiteout burst into tears again, “I’m so happy that you’ve found a good home with Sulisia. At least this is a better place than what you would’ve been in if you’d survived.”
Sulisia smiled and leaned down to speak to Whiteout, “It’s almost sunrise. You have to return to the real world,” seeing Whiteout’s reluctance the goddess kept talking, “I’m a mother to all who possess the power of ice; your daughters will be safe with me in this haven of snow until our wills all wish to bring you here once more.”
Whiteout looked down at her paws and waited to be flung back into reality. Sulisia smiled with her toothy maw and blinked her shining blue eyes. Whiteout stood as still as an iceberg. The great white dragon rose to her hind legs, flapped her huge wings and let out a roar like the gales of a blizzard. Whiteout felt the snow spin up beneath her paws. A bright white light hit her like a giant claw and she was flung into the midway darkness between dream and reality.

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The morning sun rose up into the hazy mountain air very early. Beams of light shone through the gaps between the pillars of Akayar. The stone was stained a golden color and the waterfall was the color of the dawn; a rainbow glimmering at its bottom.
Thunderstorm woke slowly to the flash of sunlight on her face that came through the window. The stone building was cold and lonely; she had wished there would at least be a fire to keep the occupants warm. The rest of her squad was housed on the second floor. She had slept on the ground level, where she could be the first to be alerted that someone had come to see them. Thunderstorm didn’t know exactly how early it was and hoped she hadn’t missed the morning call, but the rest of the squad was still fast asleep. There was no way that they all had missed it. AK and Shadow Prime were way to disciplined, the twins too.
She tumbled out of her bed and onto the hard floor, getting in a good stretch before hearing the call. The noise upstairs told her that the squad was awake; they heard it too. Nightstalker’s stern voice rang out over a loudspeaker and the entire city began to bustle. Soldiers and civilians, but there were very few, alike came to acknowledge their city leader’s call. Thunderstorm traveled through the cobblestone pathways to the pedestal where they had met the leader yesterday. Nightstalker and his mate stood majestically over the gathered crowd.
Clearing his throat, Nightstalker began talking, “Citizens of Akayar, City of the Mountains, I am proud to call this meeting as city ritual.”
“Proud to serve the great city Akayar, sir Nightstalker,” the crowd droned. Thunderstorm felt quite out of place, for she didn’t know the proper etiquette for such an occasion.
“Proud to lead,” Nightstalker replied to the Decepticats, “To get on to business… as you all know the Autopaws commando battalions have received orders from the head of their military intelligence. Their orders were to take over our great city of Akayar, City of the Mountains. That’s never going to happen… at least not if our soldiers have anything to say about it. We have the famous battle group from Kaon lead by Darkwind’s second in command, AK, to aid us in the fight!”
The crowd couldn’t suppress the cheers of a foreseen victory.
“They have a very young new recruit named Thunderstorm who I’ve heard from Darkwind himself is very worthy of serving with AK and Shadow Prime. I would like for you to get acquainted with her, and for those who haven’t met them, the rest of the squad as well. Next matter facing our battle for Akayar is, of course, our course of action. I have already talked with my soldiers and they will be heading out into the field by noon today to strike at the heart of the Autopaw battalion. They will be going on a dangerous mission to the enemy’s camp in the middle of the Southern Valley. Although the soldiers are coming, I forbid the cadets to fight in this raid; it’s far too dangerous. The Kaon battle squad will accompany my soldiers, and so will I. I leave the great city of Akayar to the protection of my dear, Whiteout.”
Whiteout strut forward gracefully, “I will accept the command of this city with great honor and pride,” she rose to her hind legs and gave a salute to all the soldiers, “Be proud to serve this city, soldiers of Akayar!”
“Proud to serve and protect, lady Whiteout!” the soldiers chanted loudly.
Nightstalker also saluted them and began to recite the city battle cry, “Through stone, bitter wind, and snow, tell us, leader, what our enemies already know!”
“Tooth and claw, blaster and cannon, sword and staff!” the soldiers roared.
“Feel the cold, feel the loss! Hear our cry and face our wrath!”
Thunderstorm flinched as the soldiers let out war cries in unison so loud that it shook rocks from the walls of the cave. Nightstalker threw back his head, letting the sound of his soldiers’ yowls of coming battle flood his ears.
He called the meeting to a close and leapt down from the pedestal, landing directly in front of Thunderstorm and her squad. Whiteout landed lightly right behind him. Nightstalker curled his tail around Whiteout’s and smiled, “I’d you to meet us in an hour at the pillars to see you off.”
AK gave him solemn nod and walked off without saying another word. The squad followed except for Thunderstorm who stood in shock at their sudden disappearance, “What’s with them all of a sudden?”
Whiteout sensed the change in the mood and went off to address the city’s troops. Nightstalker shook his head, “AK’s always been a little… hesitant to deploy his soldiers into a difficult battle. I do feel a bit sorry for him. He’s lost so many soldiers to pointless battles that he sees everything as a possible disaster.”
Thunderstorm couldn’t help but glance back at the Decepticat second in command. His shoulders hunched over and his paws and tail dragging on the hard ground. He did seem quite sad.
Nightstalker seemed to sense the movement of Thunderstorm’s optics without looking. With his head hung, facing the ground, he shuffled his paws, “Don’t let your commander’s feelings distract you. You must fight to survive here.”
Without another word he turned around and trotted off towards his cave behind the waterfall. Thunderstorm watched him go with a heavy spark.
I’ve already forgotten his words! What’s with me? Thunderstorm hissed inside her head. If I must fight the Autopaws till my demise then by the all spark I will!

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Skyhawk stood up on the bluffs on the edge of Kaon, staring out into the night. He had swore to himself he would go to Akayar, but earlier that night he had been visited by Darcia in his dreams. She had warned him that his task was to find the dark energon and return it. Skyhawk found it quite strange that it was Kaon, right under his nose. He traveled to the bluffs, unable to sleep, to plot his next move.
The quicker I find this “dark energon” the quicker I can go to Akayar, he constantly reminded himself. Then his thoughts hit gold, “Where could it be besides the Kaon vault, but if Darkwind or Megatron stole it then it would be with them most likely.”
He groaned in anguish. Why was this task that was seemingly easy so hard? He would have to sneak into the city square and through the main tower to the leaders’ vault or perhaps steal it from them himself. Skyhawk rose from his position on the edge of the bluff and took off running back to Kaon.

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Thunderstorm woke to the sound of soldiers crying for war, screaming threats to the Autopaws through the thin mountain air. She let out a long yawn and strutted out into the square where hundreds of soldiers stood all armored up and weapons ready.
AK was up on the pedestal beside Nightstalker, Whiteout, and another Decepticat. They were sending out the troops.
“Soldiers of Akayar,” Nightstalker called.
“Proud to serve and protect, sir!” yowled the soldiers.
“I bring you what you’ve all been waiting for! Today we will strike the Autopaws right in the heart of their encampment. The Southern Valley will offer no safety to them anymore!”
AK stepped forward, “My squad and I are proud to serve you.”
Nightstalker gave him a curt nod and continued, “I-“
Thunderstorm froze in her tracks as a low rumbling noise flooded into the overhang. Roars of fury cut the silence into pieces as the enemy burst right into Akayar. They flooded through the pillars and some dropped in from above, riding the waterfall into the city. Nightstalker froze up in fear and his body began to shake. Dropping into attack position almost in unison, the soldiers fearlessly faced the Autopaws.
Thunderstorm couldn’t help but feel afraid as well. There were a hundred of them and maybe more. Soon the square erupted in battle. The whiny pew of the blasters and the scraping of tooth and claw filled her ears with the sounds of war.
AK and Nightstalker leapt down into the crowd of spitting and slicing claws to wage battle. Thunderstorm stood stuck in place, time seemed to freeze and her head was overwhelmed with terror. The splattered energon of the soldiers stained the stone and corpses lay torn apart on the ground.
Nightstalker was locked in battle with a hefty Autopaw twice his size. The enemy soldier pinned the city leader to the ground and snapped at his throat. With one powerful kick, Nightstalker sent him flying. It didn’t faze him one bit and the Autopaw charged like a rhino, pummeling Nightstalker in the chest. Gasping for breath he attempted to stand up only to wobble and collapse. Thunderstorm raced over and grabbed the Autopaw’s shoulder in her jaws. He yowled in pain, swiping at her with his other front limb. Taking blow after blow on her head, Thunderstorm soon let go and fell, limp, to the ground.
“Leave her alone, Juggernaut! Your fight is with me!”
Thunderstorm opened one optic to see Nightstalker heft himself up with everything he had and face the giant Autopaw. Juggernaut let loose a toothy grin, “Make me!”
Nightstalker jumped from a standstill and tackled him right in the gut. The Autopaw didn’t have time to shake it off because Nightstalker was on him. The city leader had his fangs buried into the soldier’s chest. Energon flowed from beneath and formed a puddle in the grooves between the rocks. Thunderstorm weakly pulled herself up to see Juggernaut’s gaze fall to empty space and his optics fade of color. He was dead.
Suddenly the terror in Thunderstorm’s head became complete and utter horror. She couldn’t kill and she knew it. To her Nightstalker was emotionless, but she didn’t hear his words to the enemy soldier as he perished. He had said a prayer to Primus to accept the soldier’s soul with dignity and respect. He had died fighting for his cause no matter how foolish it was.
Nightstalker looked up to see the battered Thunderstorm laying against a broken piece of a boulder. Explosion bursting all around him, Nightstalker gave her a nod to ask if she was ok. Thunderstorm almost hesitated to answer, but pride overcame her. She nodded back.
Without truly checking if she was fine, Nightstalker raced off into the fray once again. Thunderstorm rested her head on the rocks and watched the world reappear from the darkness clouding her vision. Suddenly a tight pain in her neck caught her by surprise and she felt herself being lifted into the air. Glancing over her shoulder she store right into the cold blue optics of an Autopaw.
Weak and scared she had no chance. The soldier tossed her like a ragdoll into the stone floor before pouncing on her and grabbing her throat in his teeth. Thunderstorm struggled and fought, trying to remember her training, but it was fruitless. The Autopaw was a veteran of many fights, she could tell. She closed her optics as agony flooded her body and let herself go limp in his jaws. Thunderstorm had given up.

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Skyhawk stalked through the air vents and soon found himself in the throne room. Megatron sat in his throne fast asleep, snoring loudly, but Skyhawk was too serious to chuckle about it. Darkwind sat by the window gazing into the stars and muttering something to himself.
Creeping across the floor, Skyhawk paced himself. If he made one sound Darkwind would be aware of his presence and wake Megatron. The floor was cold and hard beneath his paws; it was like walking on ice. Skyhawk panicked as he began to slip. Struggling to keep up, he gripped the floor with his talon-like claws. He breathed a silent sigh of relief.
“And what do you think you’re doing here, soldier?”
Skyhawk froze in terror as he heard Darkwind’s voice speak to him across the room. The Decepticat leader hadn’t turned around, but he still knew that Skyhawk was there.
“If you’re an Autopaw spy I shall welcome you to your demise, but if you’ve come for something important then I can consider sparing you. So what have you come for?”
Skyhawk stuttered, “T… truth? Yes, I have come for something.”
Darkwind’s tail flicked, but he didn’t respond.
“The great goddess Darcia sent me… to retrieve what she calls the spawn of night, the blood of Unicron, and Dark Energon.”
Darkwind stilled. With one swift movement he turned around and glided across the floor to Skyhawk, “I have no quarrel with the great goddess. I will take you to it.”
Skyhawk’s optics lit up with suspicion and surprise. He didn’t have time to say anything before Darkwind padded off towards the throne. Without bothering Megatron he slipped behind it and opened a secret passageway. Skyhawk nimbly followed into the pitch black. Using only the glow of the pair’s optics to light the way they entered a cavern that glowed purple. Spiking crystals jutted out from the walls and ground. Plucking one from the wall Darkwind handed it to Skyhawk. Marveling at the sense of power and darkness emanating from the crystal he trifled with it in his paws.
Darkwind smiled and meowed, “Take all you want I have no use for it and Darcia shouldn’t be angered.”
Skyhawk didn’t hesitate to grab it all and use an ancient chant to call Darcia to the world of the living. In a burst of purple light, Darcia appeared. Her black fur shone brightly among the glowing crystals. Her organic form was out of place here.
Darcia laughed softly, “Skyhawk you haven’t failed me. In fact you have out done yourself. I should also thank you Darkwind, leader of the Decepticats, for cooperating with my will. I should reward you both, but I only promised Skyhawk,” she turned to the young soldier, “Skyhawk it has always been your wish to obtain power, not holding the advantage of an elemental skill can have consequences in war. I have decided to entrust you with the ultimate power, a branch of darkness. I will entrust you with the very might of Dark Energon.”
Darkwind shrunk back towards the tunnel and slowly walked out. Skyhawk lifted his head to see the crystals shake and collide with one another. Skyhawk was overwhelmed with the feeling of darkness, the one of drowning in cold water. Then he felt pain and only pain. Deep agony, as the crystals flew from the walls and floor and stabbed into his body. He couldn’t open his mouth to cry out and soon he crumpled to the ground. Darcia laughed good-naturedly, “Don’t worry Skyhawk, soldier of Kaon, this is only the price to pay for the ultimate power. After this you will be invincible!”
Feeling the world grow dark around him and the goddess’ laughing burn his head, he fell willing into the world of complete nothingness.

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Feeling the fangs of the Autopaw sink into her throat, she let out a raged cry but didn’t do a thing. She heard Shadow Prime let out a war cry of fury and the pressure lifted off. The Autopaw struggled under the warlord’s powerful paws. Shadow Prime’s optics were lit up like fire and her jaw hung wide open in a silent roar. Thunderstorm rolled over onto her side to watch, but soon adrenaline pulsed through her like lava. She stood up instantly, ignoring the searing pain, and launched herself at the Autopaw. Grabbing his muzzle in her claws and scraping his unprotected underbelly with her hind claws, she unleashed hell on the enemy soldier. Shadow Prime chomped down on his throat and rose to her hind legs. With one swift movement she leapt into the air and tossed the Autopaw high into the air.
Thunderstorm jumped backwards as she watched Shadow Prime. The warlord landed back to the ground for less than a second before springing up into the air again, this time ramming the Autopaw right in the chest. The soldier flew into a building and collapsed on the stone. Thunderstorm was on him instantly and snapped at his neck. Soon she felt the sensation of electricity running through her. Leaping backwards off him, she arched her back high into the air. Bright green electricity radiated off of her and her claws and teeth sparked with energy. With one precise swipe she cut the Autopaw’s throat. Energon flooded the ground around her paws and soon they were stained an opaque purple. Sparks jutted from the deceased soldier’s wound like miniature fireworks.
The Autopaw’s surprised gasp froze in place and his gaze drifted into space as he faded. Thunderstorm breathed deeply as she realized that she’d killed; the very thing she told herself she couldn’t do. Shadow Prime watched her intently as she recovered, but sprinted off without a sound back into the fray. Thunderstorm stood there for a second as a tear slipped down her cheek. Her instincts told her to grieve, but her body told her to keep fighting. That’s what she did. With one passing glance at her first murder, she writhed through the crowd of fighting soldiers to find Nightstalker.
Then she saw him, crouching on the ground before the leader of the Autopaw battalion. He was colorful, with red, white, gray, and black armor, and had bright amber optics. He looked like a veteran of countless wars, scars and fresh wounds stained his body.
“Nightstalker, get up!” Thunderstorm yelled from the crowd before bursting through. She stood firmly between the battalion leader and Nightstalker. The Autopaw was even menacing up close and Nightstalker was in worse shape too; she was surprised he was even still alive, “Don’t let this piece of slag show you up. This is your city, not his!”
Nightstalker’s was shocked. He stared in both fear and surprise at the young soldier, “Thunderstorm,” he whispered just loud enough for her to hear. The battle had subsided and everyone’s optics were on them, “you can’t fight Outbreak, he’s too strong.”
Thunderstorm’s fury boiled through her now and she turned to Nightstalker, spitting with rage, “You don’t decide who I do or don’t fight!”
Outbreak chuckled lightly and began to circle her. Nightstalker struggled to stand up and stop Thunderstorm but he was too badly hurt. Now Thunderstorm was pacing in the same circle. The battalion leader let out a hearty growl, “Show me what you’re made of Decepticreep!”
Thunderstorm suddenly realized her mistake as the huge Autopaw leapt at her with claws unsheathed and teeth bared. She felt razor sharp claws slash through her shoulder and her face hit the ground. The pain was like burning in a puddle of corrosive acid. Her energon leaked out onto the floor and soon she was soaked in it. Outbreak waited a few seconds for her to get up before tossing his mercy aside and pouncing on her. Unable to move, Thunderstorm’s body crumbled beneath the weight of the Autopaw. Outbreak let out a wicked laugh and chomped down on her neck. Thunderstorm let out a scream of pure agony and terror as she felt his dagger-like fangs dig into her.
Nightstalker yowled in fright and rose to his paws like lightning. Panting hard from his injuries, he rushed at Outbreak and gave him a bite to the face. Outbreak let out a caterwaul as the left side of his face tore off with the Akayar leader’s vicious bite.
“Commander, no!” one of the Autopaws called out. Nightstalker let out a sharp growl in the speaker’s direction and faced Outbreak. He crouched down on the floor, energon covering his face and one optic hanging loosely. Thunderstorm lied there he rose.
How can he still fight after that? Thunderstorm marveled.
Outbreak reached a paw to his face and tore the severed optic from his face, his body flinched in pain. The only reaction he made was a bare of his teeth. Nightstalker shoulders tensed as the Autopaw commander charged. The two collided and were both sent flying. They stopped with Nightstalker pinned down. Outbreak hissed in his face, “If you think a simple bite will take me down, you’re a bigger imbecile than I thought!”
Nightstalker cried out in pain as the Autopaw tore his underbelly with his claws. Thunderstorm knew she had to help him, but her body was wracked with agony. She couldn’t stand up so much as move. Outbreak snapped for Nightstalker’s throat, his canines clicking as they hit each other. Nightstalker let out a yowl of fury and kicked Outbreak off him.
Outbreak skidded across the square before digging his claws into the rock and stopping himself. Nightstalker rolled over and stood up on wobbly limbs. Thunderstorm felt a droplet glide down the side of her face, “Nightstalker…”
Outbreak let loose a roar of fury that shook stones from the ceiling and ran at Nightstalker. Their collision sent shock waves through the air. Nightstalker grabbed Outbreak’s foreleg in his powerful jaws. Outbreak pinned her down with his free foreleg and bit down on Nightstalker’s throat. The Akayar leader seemed to go limp and his soldiers cried out in panic. Outbreak stood triumphantly over Nightstalker and called to his soldiers, “The great city of Akayar is o-“
Without warning Nightstalker reared up and hooked his claws into Outbreak’s shoulders, and his teeth in the Autopaw’s neck.
Outbreak froze up as pain engulfed him and he felt his body weaken. Pulling away with all his might, he broke Nightstalker’s grip.
“Autopaws retreat!” He yowled the order in fear and took off running through the pillars. His soldiers watched him flee, before following him.
The Akayar soldiers who were still alive cheered in victory. Nightstalker led them in glory, but extremely weak from his injuries. Whiteout came rushing out to him and Thunderstorm, “I was so worried for you two!”
Nightstalker gazed down at Thunderstorm, “You shouldn’t have been, not with the reinforcements that we were given. We can’t lose now!”
Last edited by GeneralKaseyDaBomd on Sat Oct 01, 2011 7:22 pm, edited 3 times in total.
  





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Sun Sep 25, 2011 3:17 am
constantia says...



First off, just to warn you, I don't really like to beat around the bush when reviewing/beta'ing a piece. That doesn't mean, however, that I am insensitive to the author's thought's and feelings. But it also doesn't ensure that my critiques won't come off a little brusque. And I'm dearly sorry if I hit a nerve because of that.

But anyway... I really just wanna say that I love your writing style and the way you set a scene for the reader! I have only read this chapter, but it was quite enchanting. How you add little descriptions of a character is quite interesting. But overdoing it is also something to be aware of.

Other than that, though... the only thing I'd say to be mindful of is verb usage/tense and punctuation (though, most punctuation is just fine). In the first two sentences alone, I found some verb confusion and it kind of threw me off.
But to better explain myself, I chose a quote that might clarify what I mean.
“I am Darcia,” the goddess told him softly, “I control the dark and commend all who obey it to my will’s desires. Why are you here?”

Firstly, punctuation wise, it should read, "...told him softly." It's the end of the statement, and you didn't say anything that would allow you to continue into the rest of the dialogue that way.
Also, this might just be the way your characters speak (I'm not entirely sure, with this kind of work. I'm honestly out of my element here, reviewing a sci-fi fic) but I think the second have the this quote can make better sense if re-worded: "...commend all who obey my will."

...I think that's what you meant by that quote, right? The meaning is a little lost on me because of the extra words/the different "dialect" - for lack of a better word.

Hope this helped!
xo gummies
  





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Sun Sep 25, 2011 11:39 am
LindsayG says...



Shadow Prime hissed and looked away ignorantly, “Since when does he care about the lives of the soldiers,” she muttered to herself angrily. Thunderstorm watched them from afar, trekking behind Fission. He was telling himself classic jokes to ease the boredom. Thunderstorm had to admit she was pretty bored herself and went up to Fission, “Tell me a joke!”

Fission chuckled, “What do you call one Autopaw on Moon Base One?”

“A problem,” she answered as she tried to contain her laughter. Thunderstorm knew this joke well.

“What do you call one hundred Autopaws on Moon Base One?”

“A problem.”

“What do you call a million Autopaws on Moon Base One?”

“Another big problem,” Thunderstorm could barely hold the burst of laughter that was about to emerge.

“What do you call all the Autopaws on Moon Base One?”

“A solution!”



Lolx, that's some good stuff. Really good job on writing this.

Gummiebears seems to have covered the grammar part, So I'll just stick to the compliment part.

Awesome, awesome.....funny joke....I actually cracked up, believe it or not.

Good story line, and I'd suggest you stay away from too many cliche's although if you ask me, most stories are cliche's turned upside down...Work around that, somehow

And...................Goodluck!!!!

Keep writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I write because there's nothing left to say...
  








Democracy! Bah! When I hear that word I reach for my feather Boa!
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