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The Logs Of Jeremy Edwards Ch.5



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Thu Sep 29, 2011 1:18 am
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MonoTheElderish says...



(HC: #23-423-8642-5///STKHLM


I woke up on a gurney inside a large camp outside Karida. I looked to my left and Kinney was also lying on a gurney with a bandaged left arm. He was sleeping. I try to forced my self up and sucked wind. I guess I made some noise since a doctor walked in while I was trying to force myself up.

"Woah there, You need to take it easy. The internal plaster is fast, but not that fast. You have a collasped lung, and shrapnel that almost got to your femoral artery. Your going to be off your feet for a couple hours. "
"Oh, ok."
At this point my only concern was for the other guys that had been with me.
"How did the rest of the guys do?"
"Well, That guy next to you on your left only had a couple pieces of shrapnel through his arm, so he'll be up and running in a half hour at the latest. Were just waiting on the blood work. your CO has.... a broken wrist. Two other member of your team had cursory shrapnel. So, other than you and your pointman, You guys got off pretty easy."

"Whats wrong with our pointman?"

"Uh, he was sent out to a field hospital north of here. His right arm was blown off in the explosion but we got to him right away and flash froze it. The nerve endings are still alive so were going to try and reattach them. He'll be gone for most of a month."

"What about the other squad?"

"They weren't so lucky... Their Pointman was killed almost outright. The CO is in critical, and all of the other members have major shrapnel. Although most of it isn't life threatening. "

"Damn."

"Sorry about the bad news."

He then checked the charts of the other men in the room and walked out.

I was left to my thoughts for most of 4 hours. So I took a nap. When I woke up Merril was sitting in a chair next to my bed so we played a game of cards. Two card snaps. He won badly. I was never one for cards.
After we played a couple games he went and got me a ham sandwich with REAL ham. I don't know how he did it. I'm pretty sure he stole it from the officers mess though. Cheeky bastard.

After another hour Kinney and Emerson walked into the room.

"Alright, You guys get the all clear yet?" Said Emerson as he scanned the room.

"Uh, nu-uh, doc came through about four hours ago told us to wait for bloodwork, and walked out." I replied

"Huh, he told me that you already gave you guys the all clear." Said Emerson with a odd look on his face. "You guys go get your stuff on and get back to the car. I'm going to go have a chat with the doc."

The parking lot was filled with doctors and service men bustling around various tasks. We got our gear on and walked back to the Deegee to wait for Emerson. We didn't have to wait long. About 2 minutes later, Emerson came tearing out to the parking lot shouting, "Start the car, start it, go, go, go, go!" I started the car and open Emerson's door. He dived in and said, "Step on it if you want to live Edwards!" I floored the petal and pealed out of the parking lot, narrowly missing several doctors who were bunched up in front of the gate. "Your going to be sorry you didn't cream those guys!" Yelled Emerson over the screech of the tires as we started to round a corner.

As we turned, Two loud smacks reverberated through our vehicle.

Reyyes yelled down through the turret port, "Hey boss, Their shooting at us!"

Kinney reacted instantly, screaming into his handset.

"This is S-1-3 Reporting friendly fire! Repeat, Blue on blue, Cease fire ya dumb shits!"

Once we rounded the corner the rounds stopped. Emerson had me drive to a secluded spot behind a pair of closed up buildings and ordered me to stop the car.

"Alright, You guys need to hear this. You," he said pointing to me, "Were slated for a transfer by that "doc", I asked his name and tried to confirm it with some other doctors and nobody'd ever heard of him. So, I came right back to where I had left him and Cracked him one in the face. I think that was security taking shots at us, And I'm willing to bet this doesn't get reported."

"Alright, so, What are we supposed to do with this?" I Replied,
"We keep a low profile. We don't go to the hospitals, we stay with the group. If we absolutely need to go somewhere we take a buddy. No ones goes anywhere alone."

"Wonder if there going to come after us. I mean, I guess it depends on how badly they wanted you but still..." Said Merril with a glance back up the road.
"Well, Thats a good point. *sigh* alright, putting that into the equation, were going to have to maintain a thirty percent watch at all times." Sam replied

"What about Sean?" Asked Kinney,

"He's on his own for now. Hopefully he got out okay. We have to worry about ourselves right now.

After Sam gave his little pep talk we drove back to our camp at Karida. When we arrived there a mobile command post was being set up. Just a coincidence. Freaked us out for about a week. But they never made a move so we ignored it after a while. Well, ignored is the wrong word. We were still wary, it's just that we no longer performed surveillance on a regular basis.




14/9/2265 (HC: 2-343-5643-5-1///STKHLM
Karida fell about a week after we escaped from the supposed "Doctor". We were deployed further south to patrol for any enemy units. After several "enlightening" interrogations the N.W.C. had learned that our new enemy was called "The Republic of the Tiger" It was "Very bad." And had a nasty habit of executing its prisoners and citizens alike. They had "removed" the natives of Karida and replaced them with thier own citizens and promised them that if they held the town they would be allowed to live without interference.
Overall there wasn't much of a difference between us and them. Except in scale. According to this dubious intel, the massive force we had fought earlier in the month had only been a expeditionary force that had only withdrawn to consolidate into a kind of first strike, only strike, situation.
We didn't get any more out of our captives. The threats that the Republic of the Tiger leveled at its citizens weren't empty. Eight and a half hours after Karida was taken, all prisoners in our captivity and civilans in the town died simultaneously of neural, cardiac, and respiratory failure. No specific cause of death was found but our scientists suspect a self-destructing nano-robotic failsafe. Most likely interduced through ingestion.

About 50 miles south of Karida we ran into the "Expeditionary force" again. But this time we were ready for them. At least somewhat. At the time of writing this the battle is in a stalemate. We've been stalled just south of Palcosa for roughly three weeks. We've drawn battle lines and dug trenches extending for miles on either side. We seem to be pretty evenly matched technologically And thankfully the bipedal tanks are few and far between. But the artillery almost never stops. As I write this the earth shakes above my makeshift underground earth bunker. Boths sides have moved thier heavy artillery into position. Our 208mm guns pouring fire onto them and thier weapons chewing up our lines in return. We seek refuge in underground bunkers like my own most of the time. Venturing out only when the artillery subsides and even then only to engage in sporadic sniping until the artillery starts back up again.

Everybody has gotten, to varying degrees, an affliction dubbed "Palcosian Melt" caused by the horrible conditions in the trenches. The least affected will develop blisters and cramps on their feet. The worst affected lose the foot. One strip of skin at a time. Their Legs literally "Melt" away.

Tunnels are being dug to the rear for a supply route since almost no supplies have been getting through the screen of enemy artillery fire. Because of that our food supplies have been getting low. Not dangerously so, but enough to where we are rationed to one meal a day supplemented by whatever we can find. Which isn't much. Ammo is pretty much the same situation. Some ammo is common, Some is not. Ammo for my rifle was one of the more common calibers. But for Merril, Finding ammo for his SSW (*Squad suppression weapon) is much more difficult.

///END///END///END///END///END///END///

It was rough in those trenches. But no worse then I had already experienced during my childhood. In fact, There was reduced lawlessness. If you stole in the trenches, you were shot. if you engaged in fratricide, (e.i. Shooting another N.W.C Trooper,) you were blindfolded, stripped naked, and thrown over the edge of the trenches. Where a person either wandered around until they stepped on a landmine, or were picked off by the enemy.




I remember one piticular day, The arty was as heavy as ever so were taking cover inside our bunker. That is, Me, Kinney, Merril, Reyyes, Sean, and Sam. Kinney, Sam, and I were playing a game of Six Card Snap. Merril was getting some sleep in a corner while he could. Reyyes was outside for some reason. Don't remember why. All of a sudden, in he comes with a giant bag. The bags squirming and squeaking and making all manner of racket. Sam turned around and asked him about the bag.

"Whatcha got there?"

"Dinner." Reyyes replied.

Kinney got curious and walked over from the table.

"What kind of dinner? Let me see." he said with a smirk on his face.

He tried to grab the bag from Reyyes, which apparently, was a tarp, not a bag.

The tarp fell open and eight rats the size of my leg tumbled onto the floor.
Amid Emerson's constant cussing, the rats, Sensing thier freedom, ran to the door, which Reyyes promptly blocked. Forcing them back into the room. We started to herd them into a corner which, as luck would have it, happened to be the one Merril was sleeping in. As we closed in on the first meat we had seen in several weeks, Merril woke up, saw the rats, and reached for his sidearm. Emerson saw the motion and yelled at him to not waste ammo. He said something like "Don't shoot the rats you'll ruin the meat!"
Emerson's yelling scared the rats who leaped onto Merril, he started screaming with rats hanging off his face and chest. He didn't talk to any of us for about a week. He was really pissed. The whole thing was funny as hell though. And the meat was delicous.





About a week and a half after that, Me and Emerson were on guard duty in the second of three rows of trenches. You couldn't stand in the open without getting killed outright. So, We dug these little porches into the side of the trenches. Guards would be stationed there so as not to comprimised security, but to have at least a chance of protection for the men on guard. Anyway, as we sat in our porch watching the display of the drone cameras, we tried to get a fire going. It was raining and had been for quite a while. So it was proving almost impossible to get a fire started. almost.

"You sure we should be doing this?"

I asked as Emerson crouched over a small pile of twigs and leaves.

"Bah, pipe down. 'Course its going to work. Even if it don't, we'll be just as miserable as we are now."

"Ugh... Your going to get our asses Nabbed." I groaned as he finished constructing the fire. (*1 Glossary) Nabbed/Narded/Nabbered (NABRDM) is a acronym for Non-Acceptable Behavior Regulation Discipline Mandatory the letter "M" is not included in the acronym for a unknown reason.)

"Just get off my back. I'm done making it anyway. Stand back."

I stepped back as he pulled his side arm out of its thigh holster. He promptly fired one round at the base of the fire. And seconds later had a cheerful blaze.

"See? Told you. Now were warm, No on- .... ok, scratch that, almost no-one is shooting at us. Other then the rain, the rats, the mud, and the people shooting at us, this isn't all that bad!" Emerson said gleefully as he walked around the porch looking for sticks to feed the fire.

"Your nuts. Were going to get a mortar dropped on our heads any moment now. Hell, I'm nuts for staying here!" I said as I checked the moniters.

"Then leave!"

"Well, Unless you have knowledge to the contrary, I'm stuck here."

"Quite a predicament." He replied as he feed the fire.

"Prick."

"Sadist."

I stood up with a groan.

"Errrrff, I'm going to check the blindspot."

"Right, Off you go. Make sure to lock it out once your done."

"Yeah, yeah, of course." I said over my shoulder as I exited the porch and walked to the edge of the trench.

I walked up to a viewscope that had been set up near the edge of the tripod.
I punched in my code and started scanning the no-mans land in between us.
I Scanned right to left. All clear, Only bodies I saw lined up exactly with the Earlier scan displayed to the left of the real-time moniter.
I scanned left to right, again nothing new. I rotated the scanner back to zero and was about to lock it out when a flash appeared out over the battlefield. I wasn't sure where the flash had come from so I waited. 20 seconds later a multitude of smaller flashes erupted from inside the outer most trench.
I yelled for Emerson.

"EMMERRSOON!"

He jumped up and ran over to the scanner.

"Whats up!?"

"Small arms fire, alot of it, inside the primary trenches." I told him

"Right, hit the button."

I pounded the warning button that was on the console of the scanner.

Immediately, sirens went off and a voice came over the comms.
"Attention, Alert Order issued, all units to thier designated positions. Priority authentication received this is not a drill."

That message was repeated over and over again. The rest of my squad ran up. Merril looked as pleased as I'd ever seen him while he carried many hundreds of rounds in his hands and around his neck.

"Supply tunnels broke through! I've got more than enough rounds now!" He said as he dropped the ammo and unslung his rifle from his back.
"Hot damn! 'Bout time!" Said Emerson as he adjusted his sights for the mid distance between us and the next trench.

We all set up our weapons and ammo for quick access. Now all we had to do was wait.
Last edited by MonoTheElderish on Wed Oct 05, 2011 1:06 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Tue Oct 04, 2011 2:03 am
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FruityBickel says...



Well, first of all, the thing that really-nettles me with this is that it seems way too simplistic. There are no metaphors, no descriptions, no complex sentences and to be completely honest-and sorry for this-but it makes me feel like I'm reading one of those "get ready to read" made for second graders.
Second, I'm seeing lack of emotion. No descriptions on how the characters feel, no emotion shown in the voices. I'd work on that.
Second is grammar. I'm sure you know that a sentence always ends with a period, so after that sentence ends the sentence after it starts with a capitol letter. Also-the letter after a direct quotation isn't capitalized unless it's a proper noun, like a name.
So I know I didn't really nitpick it, but I hope this helps. If it weren't for these few problems, I'd really enjoy taking the time to read this through. However, these few problems are making it hard for me to tolerate how broken up the flow of it is by the simplicity of it.
So yeah-I'd edit it a bit.
-Alex, part time writer, part time scientist, and full time Asylum Resident.
(yes, even when the nice men in lab-coats put me on probation)
  





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Gender: Male
Points: 1141
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Tue Oct 04, 2011 12:39 pm
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MonoTheElderish says...



Thanks for the review! Yeah this is just a rough draft. Hopefully I'll get the time to edit more.


EDIT: Yep, Edited. I changed a couple things around. I had accidentally left stuff out that I meant to put in. XD
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