z

Young Writers Society


Forty Degrees Celsium - Chapter 4 1/2



User avatar
91 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 12142
Reviews: 91
Sun Dec 18, 2011 5:29 pm
Wolferion says...



“Tsh, my body’s given up on me again.” Jeffrey shakes his head as he stands high in the mountains, engulfed in a furious snow storm. It’s but a dream, but he’s still in pain, be it freezing or pain from the real world. He sits down, watching how the beautiful snowflakes fall. Even in such a chaos he soon starts feeling peaceful and calm; nobody is fighting, it’s but nature that he’s facing and winter is his most favorite season.

“Quite a place you’ve got here, it’s unexpectedly peaceful.” A female voice he’s heard somewhere not that long ago resounds from his left. He turns his head and notices a tall woman standing straightened up, wearing majestic heavy armor and holding a large shield with sword. She greatly reminds him of his true self, so much she’s like a gender swap of him; heavily guarded and always ready to sway away any attacks with complete confidence in own cause.

“Looks like my brain’s improved a notch again.” Jeffrey puts on a smile, watching the wind play with her long dirty-blond hair.
“If you think so. However, aren’t you a tad too relaxed? She’s fighting out there and it’s already evening, she isn’t going to hold out forever, you know.” He looks into her green eyes, they are so similar too; penetrating and knowledgeable.

“It’s not like I don’t know it, but there’s no sure way to get out of a dream even if I know I’m dreaming, not to mention my body’s broken - I just won’t get far.” He turns back to watching the snow flakes, feeling somewhat sad.

“This way you’re not going to ever redeem yourself.” The truth behind those words strikes him deep. He looks straight into her eyes with mixed feelings.

“Can’t help being like that when the world’s so hostile, when I’ve got to lie ever since my first memories, having to manipulate people mercilessly, all that just to survive against media created hatred towards my nation and narrow-mindedness of humanity. It’s enough burden to remember every detail of the second world war, those tens of millions dead innocent kids, women, innocent citizens, burnt in furnaces, shot for fun, experimented on when still alive, tormented for pleasure, eradicated for stupid assumptions, those tens of millions dead...” He’d say much more, but he stops and shakes his head with great frustration, covering his face with his right hand. Thunders resound as the snow hurricane gets worse.

Her eyes have a hint of sorrow, she has most probably a good understanding of what he’s said.
“Fair point, but why join the Sentinels?”
“Because words aren’t always powerful, because I want to make sure at least somebody from the good people will be sparred from idiocy and pain, sparred from pointless death. Because it’s my righteous cause.”
“Many have brought destruction, believing in their righteous cause.”
“And what would you suggest? To sit idly and watch? Be passive? I won’t stand still, my blood’s boiling even by the thought of witnessing those meaningless deaths. I am a part of the world, I’ll have it bend to me if I must, I will continue even if I am to suffer in hell; it’d still be so much better than living with regrets in heaven.” He jumps up, his blood burning his body.

She smiles in response to him, her voice feels warm: “Alright, I get you, but I won’t let you go until you warm up; your body needs strong will,” she stabs her shield and sword into the ground, “and I want to see it!”
“You bet you’ll do!”

Jeffrey charges to her, punching her opened palm with all his strength. All the snow around them gets blown away, even the skies clear up and sun breaks through. It gets clearer and warmer by seconds as they fight with their bare hands and feet, not able to land even one clear hit, but giving off immense sound blasts each time as they block every attack, be it to feet or head, no matter how quick.

Calling her his gender swap hasn’t been for nothing - they fight completely equally, but it’s not all in naught; Jeffrey’s spirit is steadily rising together with the blaze of sun.

She jumps back, looking satisfied with a happy expression: “Off you go then, I’ll watch over you on your path, but as for now, go and fight!”
~Don't beg for things, do it yourself or else you'll never get anything~
-Formerly Shinda
  





User avatar
32 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 1599
Reviews: 32
Thu Dec 29, 2011 9:45 pm
captaindomdude says...



I wanted to wait until I read all the chapters before commenting, and now that I have, bravo. This is a very nice work. You keep the action going. You draw me in and keep me entranced. Now, the only real critique I have is length and it's really just personal taste. Your chapters are too short for me, there just isn't enough for me. One thing you could do is add some more description, I'm not seeing a whole lot othere than very basic 'it's a castle, it's a gun, it's a dude, ect'.

Overall, a very entertaining work and I seriously await what happens next.
"If beauty could be done without the pain, well I'd rather never see life's beauty again"-Modest Mouse.

"What lies beneath this mask is more then a man, it's an idea. And ideas are bulletproof" V, V for Vendetta.
  








"Cowards die many times before their deaths; but the valiant will never taste of death but once."
— Julius Caesar