Young Writers Society

[ANITA]
Memories...

SOMETIMES I WISH
I was never born.
Being the younger

child of two, I'm
rarely looked at, but
when someone does

happen to glance
my way, they get this
dazed

look in their eyes,
like they don't even
recognize me.

Maybe they don't.
Hell, I don't even recognize
my own face in the mirror,

much less know
who I am anymore.
What is the point?

Alright, so, I like how you're doing this. Having a novel in poetry format is an interesting idea.
However, since it's in poetry, you're gonna have to work harder to make sure your reader understands and isn't confused. You are doing a good job so far.
However, I would encourage you to keep expanding and going into the background of this characters story.

Good luck
~WickedWonder

Have you ever read Cry, the Beloved Country? (I think that's what it's called). I didn't like the book in itself but it was also written in poetry format, so done right and it is seriously beautiful. Definitely challenging, though. The thing is, you have to engage us enough to get us to read a whole novel of this, so really emphasize the rhythms and words and pull us in.
Best of luck, and keep writing,
StoryWeaver

Well, you haven't given us much so far, but as you write this, you must consider what a poetry format offers us that a prose format cannot. Why did you choose poetry? You don't use rhyme. You don't use rhythm. You don't use imagery. Were you just trying to be different? That's a commendable quality, but being different for the sake of being different is a bit obtuse and not commendable.

Why is your enjambment much better than, say, this:

Sometimes I wish I was never born. Being the younger child of two, I'm rarely looked at, but when someone does happen to glance my way, they get this dazed look in their eyes, like they don't even recognize me.

Maybe they don't. Hell, I don't even recognize my own face in the mirror, much less know who I am anymore.

What is the point?

Why are 3 or 4 word lines better? These are questions you must ask yourself because many of your readers will be asking these same questions. But whereas you can give yourself your own reasons and say them in your head, the reader has only what is written to go by.

In prose format, it is revealed that you haven't given us much of a opening to go by. We have no idea where this story is going, how it will fit with your format, and so on. It could become a thriller tale of revenge or a heart-warming story of self-discovery or a black comedy. Post some more and we'll let you know if it works. Right now, you have given us all of 5 sentences.

Of those 5 sentences, I can say that you are kind of glossing over the feelings. "I don't even recognize my own face in the mirror, much less know who I am anymore." What about it? Poetry is about loaded words. Connotations. Emotion given through the smallest units. That's what's lacking in this line--power.

Thanks for all the comments guys! I just ask that you read all four chapters before commenting, otherwise it wont make sense. I have more and i will be posting it shortly.
Thanks,
Ryaney