Young Writers Society

Please delete.

Please delete.Please delete.Please delete.

Please delete.
Please delete.

I really liked reading this. I loved the atmosphere you created, and I like the idea you started to unfold. My main dissapointment was that it was so short, and so it left me wondering about a lot of things. You should definitely continue this; I'd love to read more of it.

The men fumble away from each other, each slowly making his way to the door, careful not startle the old man.

This is one thing I'd like to point out. The word "fumble" sounds a bit strange in this context; this sentence would probably be better if you changed it for something else.

Another thing I particularly like is the dialogue you've used in this piece. It really adds character to the men, and adds interest to the entire thing.

They say in unison, slapping their hands with the shafts of their weapons

Here's one more thing I'd change. Could you say, "slapping their hands against the shafts of their weapons" instead?

Overall, I really liked this but I thought it was very short. My advice? Carry on with it!

Keep writing,

~MorningMist~

This was absoloutly AMAZING!!!:) It took me to a whole different atmosphere and it was super fun to read. It's just wow. It was upsetting that it was so short because I definatly would LOVE to read more. It was really good. But other than how short it was I really couldn't find anything else wrong with it. Hope you write more soon. You really do have an act for writing and creativity.

~wtbh