Annabeth
Clouds. For some reason they amuse me. Clouds make me feel better. They calm me. They are the only things in the whole world that can make me feel safe. That can make me feel like everything is happy and life isn’t hard.
You can float. You can touch the sky and reach for those clouds when you want to. You can be a bird. A plane. You can simply sit and relax there on the clouds. You can be alone. In a nice quiet environment away from everything bad. You can think about something you want without worrying.
Only if that were true. Only if I could really feel that way. I can only hope with all of my heart that something changes. That something makes everything better. Like maybe a rock falls on my dads head, and he becomes sober. Or with my mom, maybe she finds the heart not to abuse her children. Naw, that will never happen. Nothing good ever really does.
“What do you want to be when you’re older?”
I hadn’t realized that my good friend Jill asked me a question. It’s nice to be at school, for me of course, everyone else hates it. I constantly hear that everyday. I agree to fit in. To pretend like nothing at my house is wrong. That I live a happy life.
“I don’t know. I don’t have many talents.” I answered that honestly. I lie all the time, even to my friends. Sometimes I wish I could tell them the truth about my life. But I don’t want any pity. I want things to be like they are right now. Well, with my friends, everything else can change.
Jill laughed and took a bite out of her sandwich. “You’re good at school work. Maybe you can be a teacher.”
“Teachers bore me though. I don’t want to be known as a boring teacher. Even if I turn out to be fun. It’s not the same.” I took a sip from my water bottle. That’s all I have at lunch. Secretly though, I stash the bottle in my locker for the next day. I’ll go into the girls bathroom before lunch and fill it up with water. I left the plastic name that’s around it on. So it looks like I have a new one each day.
She took out her bag of chips and started munching on those, “Do you know what? I think I might be attracted to the bad boys in our school.”
I laughed. I couldn’t even imagine one of them asking one of us out. In a million years that might happen, but not now. “Why them?”
She made her thinking face, which is her face all scrunched up like, then looked at me, “I don’t know. I like how they cause trouble. It’s hot. What kind are you into?”
I really never thought about it. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. You’re in eleventh grade and you haven’t even considered what kind of guy you like? Well, maybe if you knew the story of my whole life then you’d understand. You’d understand that I’m not your average smart girl.
“Umm, I like a clean decent guy. One who I can trust without worrying. One where I can be myself around. Do you get what I’m saying?”
Jill opened her mouth to say something, but was rudely interrupted by a mob of boys. The ones of course that Jill likes. “Yeah I understand.”
The one who said that is the leader of the pack. When I say that I mean everyone else follows him. They all wear weird clothes. Unfortunately, I do know all of their names. The leader is James, James’s second-hand man is Nate, then the fatter one is Mike, the skinny pale one is Tom, and the one that stays in the back is Ben.
I rolled my eyes at Jill and her face was bright red. James decided that he would talk again, “It’s all right. Just pretend I’m not here. Continue with your conversation.” He sat down next to me and the others followed, taking there seats on either side of both me and Jill.
I looked at James in the eyes. They were brown and ugly. “Why won’t you bother someone else?”
He laughed making everyone else laugh. Jill decided to join in, but I knew it was fake. She always does that to try to fit in. Yet again, I can’t talk. I do it a lot too. “I like you. Eh, what is your name again?”
I was getting annoyed of him and the others, “Why don’t you just leave me alone? I don’t want you around me.”
He laughed, “Wow, hurtful. Have you ever smoked?”
“No.”
“Do you want one?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because.”
“Because why?”
I was extremely annoyed. He was a lunatic. He was probably just high off of something he just smoked. Now that I think of it, he smelled disgusting too. “Just go! You’re worse then my six-year-old brother!”
He laughed even more. I was sick and tired of him thinking that this was all a game. “Do you want a smoke? That’s all I’m asking.”
I got up from the table and started to walk away. He and the others got up too and followed me. James grabbed my arm, pulling me around to face him. “Why won’t you answer me.”
“Because I don’t like you!”
“Please, just try one, for me? You’ll like it. Heck, you might even become addicted to it!” Him and the others all laughed, again, at something that wasn’t even funny.
“Let go of me.”
“Answer the question!”
“Let go of me!”
He had rage in his eyes that scared me half to death. No, they weren’t as bad as my mom’s, but I definitely didn’t like them. “Answer it!”
“Let go of her!” Nate yelled out at James. Nate grabbed James’s sweater and pulled him away from me.
I ran off, but I could still hear the yelling that I felt like I just caused. Of course, I was happy. I mean, I thought I was going to get beaten. Luckily, Nate was there, but I felt bad for him. I don’t know if he was the one who got the beating of anything. I hope he wasn’t. I would feel triple the pain I felt about the situation.
Anyways, I sat in the girls’ bathroom until the next bell. Once that bell finally rang I went to math class, then two others before going home. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I knew that as soon as I got home I was going to get blamed for something new or it will be the same thing that I hear constantly. I was scared. I was scared of my mom’s physical abuse, of my dad’s verbal abuse, and of course of what could happen to my little brother, Kyle, today.
Kyle is only six and still in kindergarten. Unfortunately, he’s been going through a phase recently and I’m the only one who knows about, besides him. I share a room with him and I usually will wake up two hours before my parents to clean his wet sheets, but I forgot to do so this morning. This morning I slept in forgetting to set my alarm. I’ve been so tired lately that everything’s getting out of control.
Hopefully, like most of the time, my mom hasn’t done any cleaning to notice. Hopefully, my dad hasn’t felt the need to scavenge our room to look for something he can punish us for.
But the only thing I can do is hope. I hate hoping. I’m tired of hoping. I just want one thing where I can know nothing bad will happen. Know that I don’t have to be scared. That I don’t have to worry. I can’t wait for that day. I dream about it everyday, but still it hasn’t come true.
I walked into the house and the first I saw was my mom’s fist. She smashed it right at my face. It wasn’t unusual, but it still hurt like hell. I clutched at my face while she kicked my shin. I doubled over and started to cry. That’s another thing I’m tired of. Crying.
“You little son of a bitch!” My mother scram at me on the top of her lungs. Her voice lately has been scratchy sounding. I figure it’s from all of the smoking she does. That’s her own fault though. My mom went on, “How dare you not take care of the dishes! I thought you were beginning to mature enough to know to take care of them!”
I’m used to hearing that “mature” part. She’s been using that ever since I was around seven. I slowly got up and looked at the ground, not looking at my mother’s horrid face, “I’m sorry. I’ll do them now.”
“You better, you little bitch! I raised you better than that!”
I wiped my tears, “Yes, I know. I’m sorry about that too. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
She laughed, “Yep, you better agree. Now go do them dishes. I tired of seeing them laying there. Oh, and your father won’t be home until much later and I’m going to hang with some friends tonight. You are gonna take care of what’s-his-face. Understand!”
I nodded, still looking at the floor, “Yes, mom.” I walked towards the sink and as soon as I got there my mom was gone.
I did the dishes, then my homework, after I knew Kyle was doing his. I made dinner, bathed both Kyle and me, washed Kyle’s sheets, put him to bed, then finally, I went to bed. I was so exhausted as soon as my head hit the pillow I was out. Nothing was stopping me, not even how worried I was to go to school tomorrow.
I was running down the street. There was cars going by and it was almost pitch black. I could hardly tell what was going on around me, then I remembered my running. I couldn’t control myself, I just kept going. I couldn’t even make myself stop. The one thing that was on my mind was, why was I running?
I took a glance behind me, not stopping while I ran, of course. There was a man, no a teenage boy chasing me. He had his hand up in the air. He was holding something. I couldn’t tell what it was until I saw it glint for a second when a car passed.
I felt even more scared than I was already. I was happy that my legs wouldn’t stop moving. Slowly a pain started in my legs and my lungs burned from breathing so heavy, and the pain only got worse. It was making me mad not being able to stop. I scram on the top of my lungs, then I stopped.
I wanted to collapse to the ground and cry, but I couldn’t even do that. Now I couldn’t move at all. I just stood there listening to the killer as he came closer and closer to me. I knew I was going to die, anyone could see that.
The killer came around me until he was in my view. I scram over and over again to try to get someone to hear me. No one came, but I continued to scream. The killer raised his knife and sliced it across my face, only it felt like a punch.
I woke up to my mother by my bed. I clutched at my face not understanding why she was doing that. I just looked at her, waiting for her to explain it in a yell.
My mom had an enraged look on her face, “Your dad and I had a long night last night, understand? The last thing we need is a little bitchy daughter to start yellin’. You need to settle down or I’ll beat the living brains out of you.”
Oddly, my mom only talked in a whisper. And I understood perfectly now what happened. Of course I felt bad for doing it, but it’s not like I meant to do it. I looked at the clock, only two minutes before I had to get up for school.
Yes, I thought that was weird, but it was only a coincidence. I got up and got changed, then brushed my hair, without looking in a mirror. That’s one of my fears. The last thing that would be on my list of things to do would be to look in a mirror. I always felt that I was never as pretty as everyone else. That I would never get married and have kids because of this cursed face.
By the time I was out the door to go wait for the bus, my mom was already back in bed. Before I left I put out the clothes Kyle would wear, made his lunch put it into his book bag, and put his book bag in his room. The last thing my mom would do was that. She never took care of us. We’re used to having to do things that normal kids would never do for themselves.
I sat by myself on the bus. No one liked me or even cared to say, hi, or pass a smile my way. I’m used to it now though, but Jill isn’t. I constantly hear complaining about it. The only thing that is on her mind, at all times, is to be popular. Unfortunately, that probably won’t happen, well not anytime soon.
The bus stopped many other times before it finally reached the school. I was one of the last ones off, and the first thing I saw was James and his gang smoking outside of the doors. Nate was there with them, oddly, and he had bruises on his face and arms, which I figured were from the fight.
I walked by them and James started laughing, “Want a smoke?”
I kept on walking acting like I didn’t hear a word that he just said. He asked the question again, then Nate stepped in, “Knock it off. You promised you wouldn’t do that anymore.”
I don’t know why he was helping me. I never talked to him, or helped him cheat. In fact, I always thought he didn’t even see me. Like I was invisible. Either way, I kept walking and soon I was inside. I hurried to my locker and grabbed all of the books I needed for first period.
I closed my locker and when I turned around and ran into somebody. I took me a while to figure out that it was Nate. He smelled like Axe, but it was mixed with the smell of smoke.
“Hey,” he said smiling at me. It was really annoying how he was being so nice. I’m not used to it and I don’t like the attention.
“Uh, hey?” I questioned.
He laughed, “So your unsure of yourself? Well, anyways, I’m sorry about that whole thing during lunch yesterday.”
I wanted to just walk away, but I felt that if I did I would break something important. I don’t know what, but it’s like I had to have it or else I wouldn’t live. I decided to just stick with my gut because it was so confusing.
“Yeah, I guess so, and thanks for the help, but I can handle it. I think.”
I tried to walk away this time, except he grabbed my arm. “I want to help you.”
The first thing I thought was, this guy is weird. “Why would you want to help me? You don’t even know me. We’ve never even spoke to each other before.”
“I think you’re beautiful.”
He was lying to me. I knew it. “Whatever.” I tried loosening myself from his grip to walk away. It didn’t work.
“I’m serious. I like you and I want to get to know you better.”
“Why don’t you tell your friends that the jokes over and I didn’t fall for it.”
He stared at me, confused, “What? No.”
I was getting very annoyed by the second. “Fine tell them that it worked and that I fell for it.”
He got even more confused, “What are you talking about? This has nothing to do with my friends. If you would give me a chance then I can prove to you that I want to be with you.”
“Then prove it.”
He mused on it for awhile, then turned back to me, “I’ve liked you for about a year now and if I truly didn’t like you, then why would I back you up. That’s not normal for a guy to do that. Well, unless he really likes a girl as much as I like you. All I want to do is to get to know you and be with you.”
“You don’t want to know me. That’s the last thing anybody should want to do.”
“Well it’s what I want to do.”
I looked him in the eyes and he really did look sincere. I still didn’t believe him, or was it just me not wanting to believe it. I didn’t know, I didn’t want to know. If he knew about my life he would probably turn and run. I’d probably never see him again. “Your stubborn.”
He laughed, “Not all the time, only when I don’t get what I want.”
“Well, it looks like you’re going to be pretty damn stubborn then doesn’t it?”
He let out a groan, “Why can’t you just give me one chance? That’s all I need.”
He was still holding my arm, which was now cutting off my circulation. “Because you won’t like me. No one ever does.”
He stared at me, no smile this time, “I’ll like you.”
I laughed at how well he was playing this…this fake role. I wanted to give him a round-of-applause, but I couldn’t with him holding my arm. “Can you let go of my arm? I can no longer feel it.”
He looked surprised, then let go of my arm, “Oh, sorry. I was afraid you would run away.”
“I would like to.”
He looked hurt, “Why? Why don’t you like me?”
I shook my head, “I don’t like guys like you. They want one thing, and I’m not going to give that to you. So, you should go play this little act on someone else.” Then, I walked away, leaving him with his mouth wide open. I felt bad all of a sudden, I guess in a way I sort of wanted him too.
Unluckily, it didn’t take him too long to run after me. He was really annoying my nerves, and I didn’t have many. I turned around, “No.”
Nate just stared at me, “Why?”
“Because I don’t want to. I know your kind. I’m not stupid.”
“I never said you were. That’s the last thing I would ever call you. I’m not like the others either. I only stick around with them and do what they do for the weed. I’m not perfect. My life’s a living hell, but when I see you I feel happy. I never felt like that when I saw anyone else. Please?”
I wanted to cry, “You won’t want me.”
“Try me.”
I stood there looking deep into his blue eyes, “I don’t know what to say.”
He smiled, “Say yes.”
“I’m afraid too.”
“Trust me.”
I nodded my head. I didn’t feel like saying yes, but he understood clearly. He smiled and looked into my eyes, “Now since we’re official. How ‘bout we get to know each other. I’m Nathaniel James Parker, now you are?”
I laughed, “Annabeth May Carson.”
Nate
I don’t know why I fall for her. Or why I like her as much as I do. She’s not exactly what I would call my type, but there’s something about her. She has beautiful brown hair and brown eyes. Her features are so…so delicate. Like if I touch them the beauty will disappear. And that’s the last thing I want.
When I had my attempt to ask her out she kept refusing. At first I thought it was because of me. It wasn’t, though, it’s because she was scared. It was something completely new and different.
I’m glad I can be her first boyfriend. At least I think I am. I’ve been with at least ten other girls. They were all for the sex, though, nothing real. Annabeth is different in that way. I don’t want that from her. Well, I do, but it’s something that should be cherished. I only want Annabeth for her. I want to know every little detail about her that I can get. I want her to want to know me too. I want her to want me.
I feel so selfish. I keep on wanting and getting what I want. I’m glad I actually had to fight a battle to receive a wonderful gift. It makes me like her more. Like I fought for it and now it’s mine.
I’m a terrible person. I want, but I never give back. I do drugs and drink. But I mostly do drugs. I hang with a group of people that are nothing like me. I think. I do like the drugs and the girls, but nothing else that goes on with them.
They don’t want love. They don’t want a successful life. They aren’t as care free. They worry about getting caught and are all secretive. I want things to get off my chest. I don’t like holding things in. They don’t have hobbies, away from drugs. They only care about themselves, well I guess I only care about myself too, but, they aren’t like me.
If I broke away from them, though, I wouldn’t have any connection. I’d be on my own for the one physical thing I can’t live without. And I can’t help that. I need help. I need to be free from my mistakes. Free from my life.
Annabeth is the closest thing that I want so desperately in my life, apart from drugs. The one thing I crave, apart from drugs. The one thing that will keep me sane, apart from drugs. The one thing that makes me happy, apart from drugs.
Annabeth
He wants me, he’s told me that plenty of times, but after he knows me he won’t. I don’t know why I even like him. Aside from his handsome brown hair, and eyes like the beautiful blue ocean. He’s high on drugs. So why would I want that type of thing in my life? It’s fucked up enough, as is.
I said yes though, and that was enough to make him giddier than a little kid who just received candy. It surely must be some joke between him and his friends. Why else would he be so into me? It’s nothing but fake pretend shit. Oh well, at least I’m helping him win. No surprise when he tells me the truth.
“Don’t make me get your mom in here!” That was my dad. Away from thinking about stupid pointless things now, and onto cleaning this freaking house.
“Oh, sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking at all.” A line said way too many times. It burns my mouth each time I say it. It kills me that I have no one. Except for… never mind. I can’t tell him anything. It’ll ruin our relationship, if we even have a real one.
“I’ll let it slide this time because you were so honest, but don’t let me see you doing that again!” He walked away after grabbing a few beers. He has company tonight so he’s in the basement. And my mom will be too, when she comes home.
The smell of the smoke that comes from down there makes me want to vomit. The smell of this house is unbearable.
I’m doing the dishes when I hear the door behind me open and close. Then a hand touches my shoulder. I turn and it’s one of my dad’s “friends” when really he’s just a connection.
He’s not alone, though. His son I’m guessing is with him and he’s not that bad looking, but too late I’m already fake taken.
The man smiles showing off his incredibly yellow teeth, “Where’s your daddy at, huh?”
Again a line said too many times, “Downstairs, go straight then turn left and the door is the last one straight ahead.”
He started walking again and his son turned to me, “Thanks.”
I didn’t respond just turned back to my dishes and waited for Kyle who will be home in a few minutes.
It took two plates until he walked through the door. He looked disappointed, “Another party?”
I nodded, “It’s okay. After chores we’ll have our own fun little party in our room.”
That seemed to cheer him up, “Yay! This will be fun!” He quickly put his book bag in our room then came back out and started cleaning the living room.
I smiled to myself knowing that he was happy. I wish I could feel like that. “You have a pretty smile.”
That scared my half to death. I turned to see who it was, it was that handsome boy. I lost my smile, “Oh, I didn’t know you were watching. What are you doing up here?”
He smiled, “I came up to talk to you.”
“Why? What do you need?”
He looked confused, “I don’t need anything. You just seem like the type of girl that I’d be into. The mysterious ones.”
I never thought of myself as mysterious, nor do I want to thought of as that, but it does seem like I can’t help that. “I have a boyfriend, you know. And I have work to do. So, I don’t have time to talk to you.”
He looked down, then up into my eyes, “I’m not scared of him, and I can help you. That way you get your work down, faster if I may add, and I get to spend time with you.”
“I’m almost done. I have homework and I have to help my little brother with his.” I looked at him in the eyes, “And trust me, you want to be. He’s not your average everyday guy.”
“Neither am I. And I can still help you with that. Please?”
“You can, but no making any moves on me, or your gone, okay?”
He smiled, god I hate to keep calling him ‘he.’ “I’ll do anything you want.”
“Well, first you can tell me your name.”
“Tyler, and I know your Annabeth.”
“How?”
Tyler, thank god, smiled, “I asked your dad.”
Nate
Speed. Faster. Just go faster. Don’t think about safety, think about adrenaline. Think about it rushing through your veins.
I push farther down on the gas. I don’t know how fast I’m going through the trees, and I really don’t care. I love that gut feeling that your on top. You control the one and only thing, that right now, determines your life. Like no one else is on this planet but you.
Death. I wonder what it’s like. Most likely better than this fucking place. Then you stop and think, who would care if I was gone? Who would cry, even a tear if I die? Sure as hell know it’s not my family. My mom could of cared less about my one and only older brother dying. My dad wanted to bury him in my backyard to save money. What kind of fucked up mind do you have to have to think that?
I’m guessing one that doesn’t feel emotions anymore. One that can only feel anger, and feels a lot of that. I hope I don’t turn out like that. I only use pot and cocaine, is that enough to fuck you up mentally? God, I hope not. Looking at my dad, it makes me want to quit, looking at my life, I just can’t.
I slowly stop my four wheeler and look up into the sky. It’s a little hard with the trees around me, but I can tell it’s about eleven at night. I learned to do that from my brother. He was into the whole astronomy thing. He would sit in the library for hours at a time just happily reading away about it. He could tell you every constellation there is and where it is and why it’s called that. And he was only sixteen then.
Anyways, judging by the sky, it’s time for me to sneak into my parents house, since I no longer live there, instead with my grandparents who could give a flying fuck where I am at anytime. I started my four wheeler up again and drove for another five minutes. Even in the dark I can lead the way. It’s like second nature to me now. Something else that had to do with my brother.
I make it to the house. Now there’s two things that my parents could be up to, out partying, or people are partying over here. Either way it’s an easy break in. I stop my four wheeler about a good five feet into the woods. I jog to the small, disgusting house and open the little bit over one foot tall window that is in the basement.
I put my hood up and stuck my head in, no lights down here, so no people down here. I grab the small flashlight out of my pocket, turn it on then throw it on the floor. I crawl in and let myself fall to the concrete floor.
Upstairs you can hear talking, and a lot of it. Just a normal party were people share the drugs they have with one another. Even from way down here you can smell the smoke, and quite frankly it makes me want some really bad.
I pick up the flashlight and walk to the back of the room. I open the broken freezer and move some clothes aside. From there I grab what I need, which is a lot of what is there. But they won’t notice, they’re way too high to know the difference between having a stolen stash and if they used it themselves. And it’s not like they can call the cops to tell them of their stolen possessions.
I laugh to myself. I find myself pathetic knowing that I’m so addicted I steal from my parents freezer at almost midnight. I wonder what my brother would do if he knew what I was doing. He was the smarter one out of us. And now that I think of it, I don’t think I would even be using if he were here.
Anyways I put the stash into my pocket and crawl back up threw the window. I turn off my flashlight and close the window. I run back to my four wheeler and drive back home as fast as I can. I really need a drag right now. Especially after thinking about my brother.
Annabeth
Last night was amazing. I think I might even really like Tyler, a lot. And I think we’re going to be hanging out a lot too. With the whole both our parents having a connection with each other. And the funny thing is, I feel like I can tell him everything there is for me to tell. Because he understands what I’m going through.
I feel guilty having so much fun with him. I’m going to have to tell Nate that we’re over. God, in one day I find two guys, finally, that like me. I don’t want to be a slut and tell Nate I found someone else, someone better. But I don’t even know Nate yet either. Why does this have to be so hard?
Maybe I’ll just become better friends with Tyler and get to know Nate more, then I’ll make my decision. Even though I already know who I’ll pick. Why have a relationship if it’s going to be based off of lies, right?
Anyways, I should probably tell about my night, since I’m dying to get it out.
We talked about life when we’re older while I washed the dishes and he dried them and put them away. Both of us are undecided on jobs, want to be rich, and the number one thing is to get the hell away from here.
Then, while I did my homework, Tyler helped Kyle with his homework. It was really cute because Kyle likes him a lot.
And after that Kyle played with his toys while we sat on my bed and talked about drugs. Both of us vow never to use, we don’t want to turn out like our parents. And how much easier our lives would be if they never existed. I said I wouldn’t have to take care of the whole house and Kyle while they partied, and he said he wouldn’t even be here.
His dad called for him after he said that, and it left me wondering if I would be here without drugs too. And I’m still wondering while I’m trying to make myself fall asleep for school tomorrow because I really don’t want to go.
I love you, Jill! <3
Gender:
Points: 528
Reviews: 33