Young Writers Society

We had to do a lyric analsis for history.I did it completely wrong.But she loved what I wrote.
See-people waiting in line at soup kitchens that have one of the most depressed looks on their faces.The clouds that hang in the sky that match are emocitions.
Feel-the dirt and grime on my body and the clothes that are torn and tattered.
Smell-Warm soup cooking at the soup kitchen that makes me even more hungary.
Taste-As I wait in line at the soup kitchen I can just taste the soup in the air.
Hear-people crying as the have to go to the office of relief.The boss telling me that I am out of a job and the factorys closeing.As i walk out of the boss' office I hear the factory sputter to a stop.The mortage officer telling me that he has to foreclose my house.People yelling at tellers saying that they want their money.The tellers then say the they have run out of money.
Feel-being knocked to the ground as I wait to withdraw their money.
Hear-children asking for more food and the parents having to say that there is no more food.
See-people leaving their homes and heading for somewhere else where there might be jobs.But there is uncertainty on the parents faces not knowing where they can go.People holding up jobs saying that they will work for anything.Children playing with whatever they can find.People sleeping in cardboard boxes.The parents giving wahtever food they have to their half starved children and parents even thinner that there children.
Feel-the feeling of an empty stomach that has not had a good meal in a very long time.not having a warm shower and all that dirt in grime build up on my body.The cardboard box underneath my body and the only thing protecting me from the outside elements.
Hear-all of the rain coming down on to the roof of my only home,my box.
Smell-The waste just festering in my box because I have no toilet.
See-All of the other boxes around me in this little town and all of the faces that hope for a better day when this little Hoovervill will not be there home.

i chose no. It didn't seem to flow so well, and think you need to add a little more description.

"People yelling at tellers saying that they want their money.The tellers then say the they have run out of money."

as an example, i think you could have worded it a little better. but you didn't do a bad job of it, writing in set senses like that is quite challanging.

I chose no, but it has wonderful potential.

See-people waiting in line at soup kitchens that have one of the most depressed looks on their faces.The clouds that hang in the sky that match are emocitions.

What about: See. People waiting in line at soup kitchens, depressed looks on their careworn faces. The dark gray clouds that hang in the sky match their emotions.

Hear-children asking for more food and the parents having to say that there is no more food.

Try: Hear. A gaunt child's stomach rumbles louder than the thunder in the sky. "Mother," she whimpers. "I'm so hungry,"
"I know, love," the mother replies tiredly. "But there isn't any more food."


Anyway, those are just suggestions, but I think you get the drift. Great start. [/i]