Young Writers Society

“I fought for you.” These four words rung in my head the moment I heard them and still haunt me as I look at myself, my past fogged vision, and my false perception of my life. I still remember the conversation that led to these four words, the emotion boiling within me, and the blockade of tension between my mother and me that crumbled down brick by brick, word by word, along with my sense of self definition. It taught me that life is full of paradoxes but none as great as one’s past, present, and future.
The assumed definition of one’s past is said to be one’s past doings, whether that is the actions of last week or last year. But I believe that one’s past also consists of one’s history. My past is not only my childhood but also that of my parents and grandparents. Because of this, I always felt that a part of my past was missing. I didn’t know much of my mother’s childhood or biological family. All I knew was that my mother left her childhood behind. Her parents and siblings were nothing more than a fading memory lurking in the back of her mind.
As a young girl, I wondered about my mysterious background. I sensed my family was different from others but whose wasn’t? It was only once I reached elementary school that I realized what I was truly missing; the warm hug of a grandparent, the caring smile of an uncle, the encouraging acknowledgement of an aunt. I was often asked about my family from my friends’ parents and I always squirmed in my seat as I lied during what seemed like hour long interrogations. I was too embarrassed to tell the truth, that my mother’s family disliked me not because of who I am (they never even met me) but because of who my parents are. I never dared tell anybody because it was too shameful and I never told my parents of these encounters because it was too painful.
As I grew older and entered adolescence, I began to wonder who I am and why I am hated so much by my distant family. I knew the disapproval and disparagement from my mother’s family stemmed from a personal religious battle. I tried to ignore the feelings of confusion, longing and abandonment I felt as a result of her taboo family, but deep down I, a religious child, thought maybe my mother’s family was right for hating her. After all, we did follow the same fundamental religion. Because of this I turned to feelings of anger toward my mother and not only blamed her for day to day errors in my present life but also for the mistakes of her past which is entwined with mine. I felt as if she took part of my past and blocked it out of my life. Her past and her family were hushed topics that left me with an empty slate. How can I reach my full potential if I don’t know where I am from? How can I be myself if part of me, part of my history, is unknown?
Once I reached my junior year in high school, I realized how fogged my vision was. “I fought for you,” my mom told me. “My family said you were a mistake, an embarrassment, but they didn’t know you or love you the way I do.” All along, I thought my mother was to blame, that she hid her family history because she wanted to run away. However, she wasn’t hiding, rather she was declaring her position in life with a new lens, the clearer lens.
A person’s past doesn’t make or shape her. Present actions and hopes redirect us to a brighter and clearer future. Everyone makes mistakes, whether big or small, but what one takes from these mistakes truly matters. My past and my mother’s past can never be changed and can never be revisited but the present and future are still in one’s control. Ambition and perseverance take us places and our perception of life directs us towards the right road. It no longer matters if I have a blank past slate, it is the future slate I want to write on and the right lens will help me see that slate and know what should be written.


A//N- This is an essay for a scholarship. I had it lying around and thought maybe it possibly fits with the question. So does it in fact answer the question or no?

QUESTION: What was the most difficult time in your life, and why? How did your perspective on life change as a result of this difficulty?

First of all, 'I fought for you', very touching words. Second, you've written quite well. You gave the introduction about past, present and future. You explained your thoughts and opinions there. Then you started your story in the next paragraph, which was very interesting. I couldn't stop reading after that. I didn't take my eyes off the screen until I'd read it all. When you'd written, 'I fought for you' it made my heart ache. The words aren't the only thing that's touching, it's also the way you wrote the whole story.
You've mostly described your thoughts in this. You've added whatever you thought it would be like to have a grandfather or an uncle or any relative to love you, adore you and to get to know you. Everything was very clear and understandable.
The ending paragraph was perfect, in my opinion. You wrote about what you'd learned from your past mistakes. It was a good way to end your essay. Hats of to you!
Good writing. Do write more.

First of all, 'I fought for you', very touching words. Second, you've written quite well. You gave the introduction about past, present and future. You explained your thoughts and opinions there. Then you started your story in the next paragraph, which was very interesting. I couldn't stop reading after that. I didn't take my eyes off the screen until I'd read it all. When you'd written, 'I fought for you' it made my heart ache. The words aren't the only thing that's touching, it's also the way you wrote the whole story.
You've mostly described your thoughts in this. You've added whatever you thought it would be like to have a grandfather or an uncle or any relative to love you, adore you and to get to know you. Everything was very clear and understandable.
The ending paragraph was perfect, in my opinion. You wrote about what you'd learned from your past mistakes. It was a good way to end your essay. Hats of to you!
Good writing. Do write more.