Young Writers Society

I love to write and always wanted to have a profession that was based on writing. For a short period of time I hoped to be an English teacher or professor but later realized my true passion was physically writing, not reading and grading other people’s writings. Soon after, I aspired to be a famous poet; one who will win the Nobel Prize and have her work taught in schools across the globe. I still hope to win the Nobel Prize, but after last summer the Pulitzer Prize became my primary goal. Last summer I interned at a local newspaper, The Jewish Star. It was there that I took my first steps into the journalistic world and I never want to walk out. I had firsthand experience and learned many valuable techniques as I observed my adviser. He taught me how to write and edit articles; an art I fell in love with and hope to perfect throughout my years. During my past internship I was given the opportunity to write articles for the paper and even had a few published. The thrill of seeing my name in print for the first time and the pride I felt when looking at my accomplishments inspired me to persevere with my dream of becoming a journalist. It introduced me to a new world, one I only had a small taste of and am still unfamiliar with. It taught me that journalism is not only a personal accomplishment but also a holistic commitment to the community. The lead is my crime scene and I am the personal investigator who must fit the pieces together into a clear, unbiased story in order to keep the community aware and safe. To me, journalism is more than simple writing, it is life in a nutshell.


A//N This is what i want to write on my college application when asked to elaborate on an extracurricular activity. I chose to write about my internship. Are there any changes I should make to it?

Okay this needs a lot of work. My edits are in red. Also a couple of tips at the conclusion.

qtpie212 wrote:I love writing and always wanted to have a profession that was based on writing. For a short periodof time I hoped to be an English teacher or professor. but later realized my true passion was physically writing, not reading and grading other people’s workwritings. Soon after, I aspired to be a famous poet; one who will win the Nobel Prize and have her work revered by the public and scholars aliketaught in schools across the globe. I still hope to win the Nobel Prize, but after last summer the Pulitzer Prize became my primary goal. Last summer I interned at a local newspaper, The Jewish Star. It was there that I took my first steps into the journalistic worldand now I'm ready to runI never want to walk out. I had firsthand experience and learned many valuable techniques as I observed my adviser. He taught me how to write and edit articles; an art I fell in love with and hope to master at [college]perfect throughout my years. During my past internship I was given the opportunity to write articles for the paper and even had a few published. The thrill of seeing my name in print for the first time and the pride I felt when looking at my accomplishments inspired me to persevere with my dream of becoming a journalist. It introduced me to a new world, one I only had a small taste of and am still unfamiliar with. It taught me that journalism is not only a personal accomplishment but also a holistic commitment to the community. The lead is my crime scene and I am the personal investigator who must fit the pieces together into a clear, unbiased story in order to keep the community aware and safe./

Be careful here, this metaphor is too close to simply describing what journalists do. You don't strike anyone as unique by saying this because it is assumed that his is how you feel. Find some way of exhibiting your passion for journalism that illustrates your ability as a writer. Consider if I want to show someone how much I want to be a fire fighter and I say

The fire is my enemy and the hose is my weapon and I am the warrior who wants to kill the fire to keep everyone safe.

It's just not particularly insightful. Now image a metaphor that draws from somewhere deeper.

I respect fire, like a burly beast, caged and foaming at the mouth. For me there is no greater responsibility in our society than protecting people from the beast.

It's not great, but you see how much more effective a metaphor can be when it is so detached from reality that the reader instantly recognises it as figurative than draws the parallels themselves?

To me, journalism is more than simple writing, it is life in a nutshell.

Yikes this line is terrible - as far as last lines go. If you are serious about this and you want some attention don't, whatever you do, use 'is life in a nutshell' as your last line. Literary boards, lecturers, professors and so on, all hate to see clichés like this. They want to see originality and insight, then good solid writing and finally genuine reasons/passion etc. Certainly not clichés. Finish strong. You really need to know what they are looking for, consider how they will take your words, because they probably have hundreds, maybe thousands of people just like you saying the same words, with the same grades. You need to find a way to set your self apart. Be professional but also be creative.

Hope this all helps and good luck!

edit: every time I use the term 'college' or any of the academic lexicon, simply find and replace with the publication equivalent. eg, I want to go to your college would read I want to work for your publication
I'm too lazy and it's too late to edit it myself

The one major change I see that is in major needing is paragraphing. Giant blocks of text like this are not very reader-friendly, and having them is a great way to deter readers. Considering you want the people reading applications to read yours, this is a very bad thing.

There's also the matter of how, with this being a writing-related internship, you really need to display excellent writing skills. Giant block paragraphs aren't exactly confidence-inspiring when it comes to writing skills as paragraphing is one of those things that unskilled writers frequently struggle with.

Now, if this had been an application for an internship, I'd say the focus needed to be skewed more towards the skills you possess, but college applications are more about displaying enthusiasm and commitment, and those are found in abundance here. You might still want to consider including a bit more about the skills you've gained through your internship as it will show that you are competent in addition to committed and enthusiastic, which is always a good thing.