Young Writers Society

remember20 wrote:Boyfriend Gatorade Fights


Unbeknownst to many people, Gatorade tastes bad on purpose. Yet, this neon-hued, slimy, not-juicy-nor-watery substance that is advertised as athlete sweat, and happens to surprisingly taste just like athlete sweat but with a higher sodium content and more high fructose corn syrup, has a method to its madness.

remember20 wrote:For Gatorade was not meant for consumption through your mouth anyway.

remember20 wrote:Is he wearing a T-shirt that is less than six months old, or that cost more than twenty dollars? (Ideally, the shirt should be a free Mentos one he got at school that says 'get fresh with me', or that washed-out pink one with the holes, you know the one, that he won't throw away because he doesn't care how ridiculous he looks in it.)

remember20 wrote:Another thing to consider is what he is doing at the moment. Your boyfriend is acceptable for a BGF if he is not A) performing open-heart surgery or B) crying at the moment of Initial Gatorade Impact.

remember20 wrote:Also, depending on the Location and how familiar you are with it—friend's house? His friend's house? Your house? Narita Airport?

remember20 wrote:Oh, it is ON, honey buns, and you're just gonna have to deal with it.

remember20 wrote:Who wins in a Boyfriend Gatorade Fight? Well, the definition of winning itself is rather fuzzy in this activity, as the attire of everyone involved will be equally impregnated with a rainbow of Blue #11, Red #40, and Ambiguous Lemon-Lime Aroma by dinnertime. However, just like on Xbox Live, depending on your tactics you can obtain bragging rights by owning your opponent through sheer cunning and pluck. Say you bust out an Epic Wallrun up a six foot stone wall, at the top of which is a palm tree. While your boyfriend runs after you, you muscle-up the wall, grab the trunk of the palm, pull yourself up it, and from that Diabolical Vantage Point, rain lukewarm red ick onto your partner while he helplessly tries to return fire but is Thwarted By Gravity. All such techniques carry disadvantages, however, as your boyfriend's bros will eventually hear his lament and come over to give him a boost so he can claw his way up the wall, since you will have a much more difficult time going down from the palm tree than you had climbing up—especially if your limbs are covered in a sticky, slippery film of Cherry Rain.

remember20 wrote:Boyfriend Gatorade Fights are a milestone of any successful, healthy relationship between a tomboy and her Player 2/grocery store llama/airport chauffeur/manuscript proofreader/sandwich provider/basketball rebounder/fiance.

If your boyfriend never wears anything but the items mentioned above, and maxes out his credit card at Johnny Cupcakes to boot, you might want to look into a new boyfriend.

Depending on how far away from you your boyfriend is when the onslaught begins, it will be either easy, or super easy, to squirt your initials into his tank top in gorgeous, glowing purple athletic supplement.

spinelli wrote:

remember20 wrote:Another thing to consider is what he is doing at the moment. Your boyfriend is acceptable for a BGF if he is not A) performing open-heart surgery or B) crying at the moment of Initial Gatorade Impact.

I wish I had known about A before... the INCIDENT O_O

Is he wearing a T-shirt that is less than six months old, or that cost more than twenty dollars? (Ideally, the shirt should be a free Mentos one he got at school that says 'get fresh with me', or that washed-out pink one with the holes, you know the one, that he won't throw away because he doesn't care how ridiculous he looks in it.) If so, he's probably not going to be into the spirit of the BGF and you should wait until he dresses down a bit. If your boyfriend never wears anything but the items mentioned above, and maxes out his credit card at Johnny Cupcakes to boot, you might want to look into a new boyfriend.