Young Writers Society

Here's an Essay. Wondering if you guys could help...

English Assignment: Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit?



Knowledge is the understanding gained during an experience. It is one of the most important things in life; it's the key for survivance

Ever since the beginning of history, knowledge is created by observing and analazing. And then this information is taught to the next generations. Later on, that generation does the same thing and creates more knowledge to add to the old knowledge, and may change/correct it.

Whether knowledge is a benefit or not, depends on how it is used and what is its part on the play.

Knowledge is a benefit if it's used in order for the world to keep spinning and us, humans to keep living. If avarice is bigger and more powerful than knowledge, it might be destructive, having in mind that greed does not look at the consequences, and it would rule knowledge only for its advantage.

If knowledge is used to get power, but it destroys us somehow, it's not a benefit, considering we'd end up losing anyhow.

¡Oy vey! Solv, I love you, but I worry about your English essays!

Knowledge is one of the most important things in life; it's the key for humans to survive. Ever since the [begining <--- should be "beginning"] of history, knowledge is created by observing, and it's taught to the next generations. Later on, that generation does the same thing and creates more knowledge to add to the old knowledge, and maybe change/correct it.

[Weather if <--- should be just "Whether" (no if)] knowledge is a benefit or not, depends on how it is used and what is its part on the play.

Knowledge is always a benefit if it's used in order for the world to keep spinning and us, humans to keep living. When avarice is bigger and more powerful than knowledge, it might be destructive, having in mind that greed does not look at the consequences, and it would rule knowledge only for its advantage.

If knowledge is used to get power, but it destroys us somehow, it's not a benefit, considering we'd end up losing anyhow.

Okay, so I have no idea what your English teachers want, but typically, you write English essays in the following way:

Introduction => Introduce your topic!

In this case, explain what is knowledge. You never actually defined it, so that makes it a bit funny looking! Also, how has knowledge been used? Use history to back your point, if you can! At the very end, you will have something called a "thesis statement" which is something like, "Due to the Earth's gravitational field, the fact that monkeys eat bananas, and the idea that Christmas only comes once a year, knowledge is a benefit to mankind." Or the opposite: "Due to the Earth's gravitational field, the fact that monkeys eat bananas, and the idea that Christmas only comes once a year, knowledge is a burden." It doesn't really matter. Ideally, you can defend both points.

Topic sentence #1 => How does the Earth's gravitational field prove your point?

You know how I said "Earth's gravitational field"? Well, I was just joking. But, in a real essay, you would have to explain how the Earth's gravitational field actually proved that knowledge was a blessing.

Topic sentence #2 => How does the fact that monkeys eat bananas prove your point?

Same idea, but this time you have to prove something new.

Topic sentence #3 => How does the idea that Christmas only comes once a year prove your point?

Again, same idea.

Rebuttal => Bouncing piggies disprove your idea

Now, you have the rebuttal. Is there any evidence that perhaps knowledge was a burden? Maybe bouncing little piggies prove that knowledge is indeed a burden. This is where you put that there.

Rebuttal to your rebuttal => But bouncing pigs are awesome and show that knowledge is awesome!

Here's where you say that the rebuttal is not enough to dismiss your previous point.

Conclusion => Restate your main argument and show that you are right.

So, you'll see that this is very much constructed like an argument. You are trying to prove your point using whatever information you can use. It's a good thing!

And, I realize that I am giving you a guide that I would give to born English-speakers, so I don't know what your teachers want. But, if you want to make it really strong, then that's the way you do it.

Also, I realize that a lot of my examples were completely strange. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me! But, I think you're probably going to have to redo this essay.

It is one of the most important things in life; it's the key for survival

Ever since the beginning of history, knowledge is created by observing and analyzing.

Two small spelling errors

Knowledge is a benefit if it's used in order for the world to keep spinning and us, humans to keep living. If avarice is bigger and more powerful than knowledge, it might be destructive, having in mind that greed does not look at the consequences, and it would rule knowledge only for its advantage.
If knowledge is used to get power, but it destroys us somehow, it's not a benefit, considering we'd end up losing anyhow.

This is what Snoink is talking about. You need to prove this. How is greed destructive? Perhaps because Monsanto (a chemical company) produces weed-killer that also kills some crops and then they patent soybean seeds that are resistant to their chemicals. They just want money. They're not helping the farmers any. (Please, if you use that idea, do some research on the subject on your own, first.)
How is power destructive? A great example would be the knowledge of splitting atoms. We used it to gain power over the Japanese. It destroyed lives. But, we can also use that knowledge to provide electricity to homes and buildings. This shows how knowledge can be used for bad or good.

I think your ideas are a good place to start. Some of my English teachers would allow your essay, but most would appreciate more details like those that I suggested.

Good luck,

McMourning