Young Writers Society

It was late 1 a.m night and the sky was too dark and the moon was shining like a 1000 volts bulb. I was sitting on my bed and counting the stars through the window of my hostel room.My little mind was thinking about the incident which smashed off my sleep 2 hours back...As i was busy in thinking my eyes gazed at my roommates who are my friends.They were sleeping like anything, they were sleeping like corpse in funeral they are not thinking about me, of course They were all waiting for the sun to rise so that they can engage with their daily routine toil.They will not think about the surroundings they wont care for those brave hearts who are standing at the boarders of their countries over day and nights,they wont think about those great scientist who are working for the development of their country without having a nap,they wont care for those poor sleepy shivering children who are sleeping at the road side.At least they wont care for their own security guard who is protecting them and their house form years.They wont think about this world until a thud on their door calling"madam!! milk or paper"then they get up and start thinking about their own life not about the world.......

Hi! Split this up into paragraphs and fix the grammar so it's easy to read. I didn't understand the end of the paragraph, what's milk or paper? I don't get why the roommates would be called "madam" either.
Keep writing! You clearly have a lot to say here, but challenge yourself to say it clearer while retaining the essence of the original thought.

It started a little slow and ended a little weird (see above comment from remember) but there was a little gold nugget in the middle, amidst all the grammar mistakes and long introduction to an extremely short piece. What was the incident that woke him up? That's the only other thing that's confusing me. I love the message, that we don't think about the world and what's going on and what's happening in other people's lives besides ourselves. Good job. Keep writing.
-tgirly