Young Writers Society

In my life I have driven past dozens, possibly even hundreds of car crash sites. The flowers and cards laid out on the road, the broken pieces of the car still lying there. It was always a sad thing, but someone else’s sad thing. I didn’t think it would touch me. I didn’t think it would take away you; the closest friend I’d ever known.

You were beautiful without even trying. You were the most feisty and wild and blindly optimistic person I’d ever met. You were so incredible you was less a person and more a character. We met when we were twelve years old, on the first day of grade seven. You walked into that class with a folder full of Nick Jonas photos, refusing to let anything or anyone get in the way of your own happiness. I was a miserable and lonely child, and didn’t understand how someone could be so happy when the world was so shit. Despite the scowl on my face and the arms crossed over her body you walked straight over to me, fearless as always, with a smile so wide I thought your face would break. What you saw in me that day I will never know, but we became the closest friends.

It was beyond thought almost, our friendship. It was beyond words as well. All the nights and weekends and afternoons that we spent together seem to be seeping to one. Smoking cigarettes in the staircase of your apartment block. Your tears soaking my school blouse, over some boy who didn’t realise he had just had a chance with the most amazing girl on the fucking planet. Laughing, crying, dancing, living. I was a better person when I was with you. I cared about you more then I cared about myself. You were going to have such an amazing life, I just knew it. At least you could have.

A car crash. I didn’t think death would even be able to concur you. That it would get scared and back off for another day. Instead it took you, in the back seat of a second hand Toyota, colliding head on with the car, skidding off the road, bursting into flames.

You. Sonja. My Sonja. My darling. My best friend. My everything. The most beautiful girl that ever lived. The one that lit up every room. The one that threw herself whole heartily into everything she did. The one who hugged me tighter then humanly possible. Gone. Dead. Forever.

I wish you could see the world after your light left it. You’d tell me to go to bed. You’d tell me to go to school. To stop ignoring my dad because he is just trying to help. You tell me to go outside because the world has not ended just because you’d left it. You’d tell me to stop looking at pictures of that burning car, because it will do me no good. You would tell me you loved me. And I’d tell you I loved you hundred times more. And I do.

Forever and Always, Beautiful.

In my life I have driven past dozens, possibly even hundreds of car crash sites. The flowers and cards laid out on the road, the broken pieces of the car still lying there. It was always a sad thing, but someone else’s sad thing. I didn’t think it would touch me. I didn’t think it would take away you; the closest friend I’d ever known.

great opening really feel where your going in this thing

You were beautiful without even trying. You were the most feisty and wild and blindly optimistic person I’d ever met. You were so incredible you was less a person and more a character. We met when we were twelve years old, on the first day of grade seven. You walked into that class with a folder full of Nick Jonas photos, refusing to let anything or anyone get in the way of your own happiness. I was a miserable and lonely child, and didn’t understand how someone could be so happy when the world was so shit. Despite the scowl on my face and the arms crossed over her body you walked straight over to me, fearless as always, with a smile so wide I thought your face would break. What you saw in me that day I will never know, but we became the closest friends.

how thoughtful of you to describe in such a lovely and eloquent way. This is very warm and fuzzy for me. Having lost my dad in '99 to a drowning incident.

It was beyond thought almost, our friendship. It was beyond words as well. All the nights and weekends and afternoons that we spent together seem to be seeping to one. Smoking cigarettes in the staircase of your apartment block. Your tears soaking my school blouse, over some boy who didn’t realise he had just had a chance with the most amazing girl on the fucking planet. Laughing, crying, dancing, living. I was a better person when I was with you. I cared about you more then I cared about myself. You were going to have such an amazing life, I just knew it. At least you could have.

A car crash. I didn’t think death would even be able to concur you. That it would get scared and back off for another day. Instead it took you, in the back seat of a second hand Toyota, colliding head on with the car, skidding off the road, bursting into flames.

I am so speechless.

You. Sonja. My Sonja. My darling. My best friend. My everything. The most beautiful girl that ever lived. The one that lit up every room. The one that threw herself whole heartily into everything she did. The one who hugged me tighter then humanly possible. Gone. Dead. Forever.

I wish you could see the world after your light left it. You’d tell me to go to bed. You’d tell me to go to school. To stop ignoring my dad because he is just trying to help. You tell me to go outside because the world has not ended just because you’d left it. You’d tell me to stop looking at pictures of that burning car, because it will do me no good. You would tell me you loved me. And I’d tell you I loved you hundred times more. And I do.

Forever and Always, Beautiful.

This for me is how it should been written. Not sure if I'm really correct though.

In my life I have driven past dozens, possibly even hundreds, of car crash sites. The flowers and cards laid out on the road, the broken pieces of the car still lying there. It was always a sad thing, but someone else’s sad thing. I didn’t think it would touch me. I didn’t think it would take away you; the closest friend I’d ever known.

You were beautiful without even trying. You were the most feisty and wild and blindly optimistic person I’d ever met. You were so incredible you were less as a person and more as a character. We met when we were twelve years old, on the first day of grade seven. You walked into that class with a folder full of Nick Jonas photos, refusing to let anything or anyone get in the way of your own happiness. I was a miserable and lonely child, and didn’t understand how someone could be so happy when the world was so shit. Despite the scowl on my face and the arms crossed over her body you walked straight over to me, fearless as always, with a smile so wide I thought your face would break. What you saw in me that day I will never know, but we became the closest friends.

It was beyond thought almost, our friendship.

Now this was just confusing. Try to simplify it. What about Our friendship was beyond though almost.

It was beyond words as well. All the nights and weekends and afternoons that we spent together seem to be seeping to one. Smoking cigarettes in the staircase of your apartment block. Your tears soaking my school blouse, over some boy who didn’t realise

I think it's okay using realise. But it confuses me also if their's a differece between realise and realize

he had just had a chance with the most amazing girl on the fucking planet. Laughing, crying, dancing, living. I was a better person when I was with you. I cared about you more then I cared about myself. You were going to have such an amazing life, I just knew it. At least you could have.

A car crash. I didn’t think death would even be able to concur you. That it would get scared and back off for another day. Instead it took you, in the back seat of a second hand Toyota, colliding head on with the car, skidding off the road, bursting into flames.

You. Sonja. My Sonja. My darling. My best friend. My everything. The most beautiful girl that ever lived. The one that lit up every room. The one that threw herself whole heartily into everything she did. The one who hugged me tighter than humanly possible. Gone. Dead. Forever.

I wish you could see the world after your light left it. You’d tell me to go to bed. You’d tell me to go to school. You'd tell me to stop ignoring my dad because he is just trying to help. You'd tell me to go outside because the world has not ended just because you’d left it. You’d tell me to stop looking at pictures of that burning car, because it will do me no good. You would tell me you loved me. And I’d tell you I loved you hundred times more. And I do.

Forever and Always, Beautiful.

Not that I love it, but it was pretty good. As much as possible, keep your sentence structure simple and understandable. It was pretty good, but in lack in that thing that will make this a memorable review.