Young Writers Society

I haven't finished it yet but I posted it on AOL and got loads of criticism from people who thought it was a poem and someone said i was living in the 1920's... You guys will take it seriously though, so tell me wotcha think! It's meant to be sung by a male voice, just to let y'all know.

I'm walking along this barren road,
With my heart on my sleeve and a frog in my throat.
My hair is wet and so are my jeans,
'Coz I stepped in a puddle right up to my knees...

The road ahead,
looks rough and trying.
I stare at my feet.
Cars zoom by.
Within them people,
Who I'll never meet.

(Chorus)
I'm walking along
This barren highway.
Home is just
A couple of miles away.
My legs are tired
From all the walking.
My friends are with me
But I don't feel like talking.

Now they've gone.
I'm on my own.
I'm walking home,
All alone.

Nice song, and they thought that you were from 1920, okay...

There are a couple of typos. Like:
mle - male
and is that trying - tiring?

And also I think it is a little short, I would love it to be longer.

Apart from that, nice job. Just make it as long as your stories!

trying means hard it was meant to be that way. Thanx 4 da critz-keep em coming!!!!!!!

It's great! I'd love to hear it with sound...

I can't belive this was 1920's doesnt even sound like it??? Anyway really cool song.

thanks. this was one of the first songs i wrote- the only one i liked at first. ive written a few, but the music is a bit sticky... i', getting better at developing music- i just wish you guys could hear these! (not sung by me- my voice sucks!)

Hello~ I just want to know if this is a 4/4 or 3/4 song.

4/4, I'm thinking, but I need to revise the tune.. and the lyrics... this needs work

I enjoyed it I can't wait to hear the rest!

Yeah I like it so far. I can definitely tell it's unfinished, but what you do have is good. Keep it up!