Young Writers Society

He’s not like other guys
I gaze into his eyes
But it’s like he can’t see, he stares straight through me
I’m just part of the crowd
I can’t scream or shout
No matter what I say, he pushes me away

Chorus:
I gotta show him
That I’m something
I want to be the one who takes his breath away
And then he’ll know me
Perhaps love me
And together we’ll be happy forever
Maybe

Paying attention to what I wear
Staying up late fixing my hair
Don’t matter what I try, I’m just like one of the guys
Turning down a baseball match
His kind of girl hates playing catch
So I get a tan in the sun, watching my friends having fun

Chorus

Bridge:
I don’t want to be just like the other girls
But if I am maybe he’ll notice me
See a slight difference that’s huge to me
A drastic change could be just what I need

Chorus

I gotta show him
That I’m something
I gotta stop all the pretending, and make it happen
Then he’ll notice me
Perhaps love me
And we’ll be together, happy forever
Maybe

Maybe you’re not the one for me

Needs more detailed to make it sound personal. It seems cliched because it could be describing anyones situation, not just yours.

Yeah, it sounds just like every other teenager-written song ever. It needs something else. It's to ... you know, "so what?" you could say.

Again, it just sounds like everything else.

Uh...
All of the above...

Erm.. I actullay thought it was good!

Better than what I can do anyway...

Okay- i've posted two new ones- ones i worked real hard on; ones that aren't a load of meaningless crap like you guys seem to think the first ones are. please read them, it means a lot to me, and thanks for voting in the poll- i guess it encouraged me to do better, so, uh, yeah, thanks

NOT meaningless crap. Just too general and impersonal.

heh... i was down on myself yesterday

this song totally SUCKS, though- i'll work on it

i agree with shawdow knight all of the above

...if you've got time, read mt new songs- they're different, more personal and stuff