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Young Writers Society


Forever And Always



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Gender: Female
Points: 1090
Reviews: 1
Sat Apr 16, 2011 11:43 pm
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kimkim10101 says...



If you don't know I love you
you will by the end of this song
and I know that I may not say it much
but I want you to know that

(Chorus)
I love you and always will
when I said forever and always
I meant that cause you are my forever and always
baby, don't you forget that

cause you make me feel like no one else does
You make me laugh when I know I'm totally about to cry
you make me happy when I'm really upset
no one else can do that but for some reason you have the gift

(back to chorus)

when I hug you
I get the butterflies
I feel like I'm about to fly high up in the sky
and when I say I love you I mean that baby

(back to chorus)

you know I love you NOW
Last edited by kimkim10101 on Wed Nov 02, 2011 4:33 pm, edited 5 times in total.
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 5107
Reviews: 100
Sun Apr 17, 2011 12:34 am
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NaRachel says...



Hi :)
this makes a good pop song if your not aiming for that maybe you should try to make it a bit deeper. Hard to tell where the rhymes are just by the format you've written it. Also it's a bit short! Just get a good tune to it and it'll be good :)
"You grow, you grow like tornado
You grow from the inside
Destroy everything through
Destroy from the inside
Erupt like volcano
You flow from the inside
You kill everything through
You kill from the inside"
  





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204 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 15914
Reviews: 204
Sun Apr 17, 2011 1:47 am
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crescent says...



Personally, I feel this song is a bit cliche, which is okay unless you want to be completely original. The title is a Taylor Swift song title and some of the lyrics seem very similar to other song lyrics by popular artists. I don't mean to be jerkish or anything. Short songs can be great. Short, sweet, and to the point. You most definitely have expressed the message you wanted to in this song, but you could expand upon this. Right now, it seems somewhat hollow, but songs always sound different with the melody. Keep on lyricking!

-Crescent

cause you make me feel like no one elts does you make me laugh when I know I'm totally about to cry you make me happy when I'm really upset no one elts can do that but for some reason you have the gift (back yo chorus)

* 'cause (contraction for because)
**else (unless you speak a different English variation)
*to
Please take care to use good grammar when making a post!

"grammer" 1519 matches on YWS *twitches*

Rydia is the ruler of the world. :(
  





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29 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 1040
Reviews: 29
Sun Apr 17, 2011 11:38 pm
dregymayfield says...



I agree with crescent.
Also, I believe you should go back and edit your format to look like this (I also corrected several words that were spelled incorrectly):

If you don't know I love you
you will by the end of this song
and I know that I may not say it much
but I want you to know that

(Chorus)
I love you and always will
when I said forever and always
I meant that cause you are my forever and always
baby, don't you forget that

cause you make me feel like no one else does
You make me laugh when I know I'm totally about to cry
you make me happy when I'm really upset
no one else can do that but for some reason you have the gift

(back to chorus)

when I hug you
I get the butterflies
I feel like I'm about to fly high up in the sky
and when I say I love you I mean that baby

(back to chorus)

you know I love you NOW

  





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26 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1040
Reviews: 26
Thu Apr 21, 2011 5:01 am
Alexwriter says...



It's a bit cliche but makes for a good mainstream pop song. I would've liked some emotional depth.
I reject your reality and substitute my own
  





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16 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1363
Reviews: 16
Sun Apr 24, 2011 7:52 pm
0xJazzy says...



It's a bit mainstream, and unoriginal but it would make a good pop song. Maybe develop it further and make it more personal xXx
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. Jasmyn xXx
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 1090
Reviews: 1
Tue Aug 02, 2011 6:48 pm
kimkim10101 says...



thank you all it is only making me stronger and a better writer so thanks and i love you all
  








Memories, left untranslated, can be disowned; memories untranslatable can become someone else’s story.
— YiYun Li