Young Writers Society

These are lyrics to a song I wrote. I play this song in my band, Shock 12. Feel free to Facebook us! (Sorry for advertising)


It was a beautiful morning, wonderful air.
No time for wasting, time to share.
Take it in, it begins, feel it all around,
See the sun, it’s begun to make beautiful sound
On this beautiful morning.

Leave yesterday on hold, put an end to sorrow.
Let a brand new day unfold, there will be sun tomorrow.
It doesn’t matter if it’s cold today
Just leave yesterday on hold.

A stranger told me a story, about this life.
She said to keep holding love above all strife.
So wherever I go, when I wake
If I feel the slightest bit of ache
I’ll roll over, and keep on dreaming.

It’s the time in all our lives, time that can’t be wasted,
Cuz when tomorrow does arrive, we’ll be prepared to face it.
It doesn’t matter if clouds are grey.
Just leave yesterday on hold.

Now let me give you a reason, to sing your own song
Hold on for tomorrow, it’s where we belong.

I think your lyrics have a good message. The flow is solid and so is the rhyming, except "See the sun, it’s begun to make beautiful sound" is kind of chunky and doesn't flow very well. It has beautiful lyrics that can be openly interpreted yet easy to understand and I think alot of people would find them easy to relate to. Keep up the song writing! You write better songs than I do...
-Klotrox

I like it. A lot. Sorry this is short. Just wanted to say that.
I certainly will facebook you.
Keep Writing,
Bel

Hai! Okay so this is nice but it's a bit too short to be honest with you and the beat's off in a few places. Here's a few quick line by line comments and then I'll try to give my overall impression:

It was a beautiful morning, wonderful air.
No time for wasting, time to share. [I'm not sure how you sing this part but to me it sounds like you're missing a beat. I'd suggest adding in 'just' before 'time to share'.]
Take it in, it begins, feel it all around,
See the sun, it’s begun to make beautiful sound [I like these next two lines quite a lot actually but I'd suggest an a before beautiful as that's just more natural and flows better.]
On this beautiful morning.

Leave yesterday on hold, put an end to sorrow.
Let a brand new day unfold, there will be sun tomorrow. [I don't like this. It's not very original, too much like some very well known songs. I think you need to go off on a different point now and say something new as the first stanza is pretty basic and not too creative yet. I do like the 'leave yesterday on hold' though so maybe hang on to that.]
It doesn’t matter if it’s cold today
Just leave yesterday on hold.

A stranger told me a story, about this life.
She said to keep holding love above all strife. [This line sounds like it has an extra beat. But I can't say for sure as I don't know your tune.]
So wherever I go, when I wake
If I feel the slightest bit of ache
I’ll roll over, and keep on dreaming.

It’s the time in all our lives, time that can’t be wasted,
Cuz when tomorrow does arrive, we’ll be prepared to face it.
It doesn’t matter if clouds are grey. [You can do better than that. Much better.]
Just leave yesterday on hold.

Now let me give you a reason, to sing your own song
Hold on for tomorrow, it’s where we belong. [Not too bad an ending.]

General thoughts

Okay so there were some good lines in here and I think in general your beat was uppity and your rhymes were natural. There wasn't enough behind the sound of the lyrics though. They just didn't have a good enough story or a strong enough meaning for my liking. I think you need to work on that some more, maybe make this a little more personal or think of some kind of fictional back story to support it.

Hope this helped a little!

Heather xxx