Young Writers Society

It's amazing how you can misinterpret what is said
and try to make me look like a complete jerk
Then get surprised when the gesture's returned with so much dread
For I have made you look like an idiot
Because that is what you are..an idiot,
and these fucking mind games will no longer work

Checkmate, baby
Ha - Ha - Ha
Checkmate, baby
Ha - Ha - Ha

Your whole goal in life is to have everyone put me down
This is only to increase your victim stance
To educate your friends on how I am a wretched clown
That deserves every insult and putrid scorn
You will see how they will become idiots
For when they try, I will squash them flat like ants

(Double...)
Checkmate, baby
Ha - Ha - Ha
Checkmate, baby
Ha - Ha - Ha

"So what now?
Nearly 5 years I've been the recipient of your fucking nonsense
Even when I'm decent minded you twist the truth until I'm a complete asshole
Your friends don't know me and only know of your ever growing pretense
I am so immune to it, but that doesn't mean I don't have feelings or a soul
Go back now."

Go back
Go back now
Go back to the place from whence you came
Go back
Go back now
Go back to the place from whence you came

I'm so done with you now
You live your life as if you're in highschool
I'm so over you now
You make this game that fucking has no rules
I'm so done with you now
It's hard to believe that you once loved me
I'm so over you now
It's hurts to know that you won't defend me

I'm so done with you
I'm so over you

(Triple...)
Checkmate, baby
Ha - Ha - Ha
Checkmate, baby
Ha - Ha - Ha

Checkmate, baby
Ha - Ha - Ha
Checkmate, baby
Ha - Ha - Ha

The lyrics were true, and I found your chorus to be a little weak as you mentioned beforehand. But I really loved it, nonetheless, you did a very good job. And do I sense a deeper meaning behind these words? Mayhaps this could be a song anyone could sing to themselves if their tired of someone!! I loved reading this part!!

Your whole goal in life is to have everyone put me down
This is only to increase your victim stance
To educate your friends on how I am a wretched clown
That deserves every insult and putrid scorn
You will see how they will become idiots
For when they try, I will squash them flat like ants

Good job, though, and keep on writing!!

Hm.. overall this was pretty good. But I've got a few things to point out;
- Structure, your lines differ too much in length and that disrupt the flow - try keeping them similar to eachother!
- You keep writing "fucking" it's awkward - erase and replace!
- I agree on the chorus being weak...
Soo, back to the content - I feel like there's quite an angry narrator behind this, haha. I almost got a bit upset myself
Eeh, so I wanna give you 3/5 icky spiders for this... But it has potenital to be more, I would just have liked a bit more controleld wording, more order and for there to be more "show" rather than "tell" if you know what I mean

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

I didn't reall find much problem with the chorus, aside the out of place use of whence.
honestly this reads more like a poem than lyrics, as a lyric there's no flow, you vary your length, have no real rhythm to it I can see. That's not to say it's badly written, it just stumbles alot.

The use of fucking I'll state again adds nothing to the piece, not that I'm a prude but it feels like you just tossed it in to seem tough and angry but it comes off childish.

It's much harder to review lyrics without a musical backdrop so maybe I miss some of the more subtlties of the piece (though it ain't exactly subtle in itself)

Keep writing, you've def improved, I'll give you that.