Young Writers Society

Forgive me, I've been such a fool
Ever so much I took you for granted
Leaving me is just really cruel
Years have gone, can't change what has happened

I do believe in love
But love doesn't believe in me
Yes, I do believe in love
But love will not believe in me

My only wish
As for right now is to
Erase who we were

I do believe in love
But love doesn't believe in me
Yes, I do believe in love
But love will not believe in me

Had it all, but soon forgot it
Anger takes the place of love when it goes
Reeling without you is the pits
Reach out to me, you've always been my rose
It's just I became so lost, love
Stealing happiness from you, my true love

I do believe in love
But love doesn't believe in me
Yes, I do believe in love
But love will not believe in me

Hi there!

This is really good. It flows well and the chorus is amazing! I love it. You rhyme scheme is a little sporatic here though. The first stanza has an ABAB scheme, and so does the chorus. But then the second verse, there's no rhyming at all. If you're going to rhyme, keep it consistant. I think you should change that verse so it rhymes and add another line to it while you're at it. Without a fourth line there you can't hope to have that ABAB from the first verse. Then there's the chorus again, and then you have the bridge. The bridge goes ABABCC. This is okay seeing as the bridge is the place where it varies from the original speed, tempo, rhythm, all those things.

Overall, good job with this. Keep writing!

Oh my god, yes its me again. Sorry if my reviews are annoying you, but i was just going through lyrics and yours is coming up quite a bit. Ok yes, i admit the title is very cliche and corny, but NEVER judge a song by its title right? Ok out of the three (i think its three) I've reviewed i think this is the least classy and probably technically speaking good. BUT, I still really like it. I think when i say it's not as good i mean that sometimes it is verging on soppy and for-want-of-a-better-word corny. But when i say verging i mean that its not overly so, its not cloying or anything bad. I love your chorus it's simple, written badly it could've been cliche but the way you've written it i think it works! I really like the line

Anger takes the place of love when it goes

but then i kind of expected something brilliant as a continuation of that in the next line but i was left confused, i don't really get the line

Reeling without you is the pits

. Do you mean that your trying to survive without them in this messy, massive dark pit- because if you do than that's a really good image- but if you don't then i've completely missed the mark. I also love the line

Leaving me is just really cruel

, I've noticed you've got this kind of style to your writing which that particular quote encapsulates. I really like it, it's kind of a "Did you really have to do that?" tone and it's kind of questioning and complaining at the same time but it's really good. I think the reason it's good is it really brings the reader/listener closer into it because it makes them feel your pain, its also kind of conversational as well, i dunno its just kind of brings you closer. Anyway, good job! Keep writing- Rachel

Hi, Lies! Back for more! :]

So I don't really have any nitpicks! I think what you have here is absolutely wonderful. Really, the only comment I can make is that it could be tied more with the title, whether that means making minor edits or just lengthening the song. For instance, these quoted bits here:

My only wish
As for right now is to
Erase who we were

It's just I became so lost, love
Stealing happiness from you, my true love

They both directly relate with the title (and chorus). But everything else -- the beginning, middle -- all center more around the "love will not believe in me" line. So the purpose of the song seemed a bit backwards to me in that respect. There wasn't enough "I do believe in love" in the song to explain the title. It was a little too mopey compared to the more hopeful title. Maybe a third verse would benefit the song here? You know the music, so that's all up to you.

I love your chorus though, and I love the idea behind the song. It's all so wonderful, but not quite tied up nice and neatly yet. So hopefully I made some sense in that respect. xD Very good job though! *likes*

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!