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Young Writers Society


The Death Of You



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Points: 1381
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Wed Oct 05, 2011 2:32 am
Forevermore2195 says...



Every person is capable of murder, whether they believe so or not. The only factor that changes is whether we nurture that evil inside us that makes us capable of it, whether we let that evil thrive. It is not an act of weakness if the evil is able to break free, it is not the fault of one single person if the evil is released into the world. It is the treatment of a person that defines who they become. Resentment... Hatred... Revenge. They all feed the clawing hunger of that evil inside us, they feed the fire burning inside us; the flame that is not willing to stop until everything has burnt down around it and evil is the only thing standing. The thing not willing to stop until the streets flow red with the blood of the innocent ones...

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

“We have to stop him, this monster. The type of evil this man is needs to be put away. Any person who can cause this much carnage cannot be human...”

I blocked out the voices behind me as I stepped onto the crime scene. The idiots running this show should do their jobs and not just sit around talking about it. This was the second hit this month and the Manhattan police department were beginning to get desperate. As they would be, seeing as this killer on has one thing on his mind. The complete destruction and bloody carnage of police officers.

The mangled bodies of the men in uniform had all been found in the same way. Through a series of untraceable clues the killer sent the department to screw with them, inevitably leading to the finding of the carcases of the poor men. Chest ripped open with their hearts missing, bite marks and missing flesh, blood sprayed the walls and a gruesome message was found written on the wall above the body. Looking up, I caught site of what was written this time, “This little piggy begged for his life.” No wonder the department were all getting restless and jumpy, any one of them could be next.

“You’re not supposed to be here, Detective,” the gruff voice caused me to pause for a moment before turning away from the scene before me and face the so called ‘man in charge’. Sergeant Walker was pushing 70 and so clearly not fit to still be on the job, but it didn’t seem to bother anyone else and I wasn’t going to deprive a man of his retirement fund. If he didn’t die before then.

“And why’s that, Sergeant Walker? I was hired as a detective on this case, you wanted my professional opinion and my professional opinion is what I’m here to assess and to give you.”

“You are not authorised to have access to the crime scene, Detective Mathews. I simply cannot let you walk around here and destroy potential evidence. This case is crucial to the lives of all in the department and the killer must be found and brought to justice. Now, if you follow me I will have one of the other officer’s escort you back to the station...”

“I’m not going anywhere, Sergeant. I’m staying right here. You should know I am not yours to order around. I’m here because I was asked by the police department for my expertise but I work on my own terms and my own terms are not being locked in an office all day looking at photographs. We are never going to find him just by looking at photographs and you already know there are no clues here to find. You already know this man is far too skilled and far too smart to leave any evidence. There is no denying that this man is one of your own, a rogue officer, and that is what you are so afraid of.” I knew the way I was speaking was somewhat disrespectful, but the thing about police officers is that they believe they are always right and that their authority cannot be matched or torn down. In most cases this would be true, but not for me.

Sergeant Walker looked dumbfounded at what I had said before composing himself and looking impatient, “Look, Mr...”
“Detective.”

“Detective,” the word seemed to be forced from his lips, “Mathews, you don’t have the clearance necessary for me to allow you on the site and I won’t jeopardise my badge and ranking for you to play crime stopper with my case. If it were my decision, you wouldn’t even be here and so you must stay out of my way.”

“Sergeant, I’m not some kid rooky you can push around. If it were up to me, none of you would be here at all. I can do this myself and I can do it fast and better than any of your police officers. I suggest you stay out of my way and at the very least, watch your back.”

Sergeant Walker didn’t have time to reply as a young looking man in uniform ran towards us, “Serge! Sergeant Walker! Sir, another clue has been sent to us, we need to get moving right away.”

Immediately all attention was directed to the officer, “What does it say?”

He pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and read out, “Seeing as you failed to save the lives of two, I’m going to make things easier for you. This creature howls in the dark of night, directed at the full moon’s light. Walks on all fours, with claws on his paws. Lying in wait, eyeing his prey. Watching his next victim, he’s ready to slay.”

Both officers looked confused as the cryptic poem ended, and Sergeant Walker scratched at his slightly balding head, “What could he mean by that? It doesn’t make any sense!”

Sighing, I walked towards the nearest police vehicle, “Actually, it does make sense. He means a wolf. He’s telling us his name. Do you have anyone on the force that goes by the name of wolf?”

Sergeant Walker followed and he tripped over his own words, “N-n-no, I- I don’t say we do. How do you even suspect its someone on the force, there is nothing to suggest such a thing!”

The man who had read out the message was silent for a moment before chasing after us, calling out, “Sir, I used to have a partner named Wolf. James Wolf.”

There was a brief pause as we stopped to stare at the man jogging towards us, as he continued to say, “He was discharged for being a reckless endangerment. The guy was a complete nut job, but cold and calculating...”

“That’s our guy, he’s had the training and he’s obviously getting frustrated we haven’t found him yet. He wants to show off his skills and no doubt has already captured his next victim, now he is leading us right to him but we must be extremely careful,” I rushed to the police car and jumped into the driver’s seat before turning on the ignition, “Pull up his file, his last known address, phone numbers, relatives, anything I can use and email it to me right away. Tonight this monster will be captured, I cannot let him get away again.”

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Pulling up to the curb outside James Wolf house, I wasted no time in getting to the front door. Right behind me was the rest of the police department assigned to this case including Sergeant Walker, no matter how much I insisted that they could leave. Sergeant Walker walked up to the front door and tried the door knob. “Don’t bother searching everywhere, if there is a clue here it’s on the bedroom wall. Most likely in blood.”
Acting as if I hadn’t spoken, Walker entered the hallway and continued to walk to the living area. It was unbelievable how stubborn people could be. Racing up the stairs and into the master bedroom, there on the wall written in blood was the next message. From behind me I heard Sergeant Walker read, “The next one will not step outside, I may just have to huff and puff and blow the house up.”

A pair of loud footsteps could be heard running up the stairs and I walked to the top of them to peer down at the same officer that had reported on the first clue found. He stopped mid step, looking behind me to address Sergeant Walker, “Sir, there has been a 911 call about a possible house explosion. Sir, it’s not good news, the house reportedly belongs to Officer Josh Richards.”

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Arriving on the scene with the fire and police department rushing to fight the fire caused by the explosion, I immediately looked towards Walker, “Look, I know you think I’m just some dumb kid and I don’t belong here. But you need to suck up your pride for once in your life and just listen. There has to be a clue as to where Wolf has taken Richards, and it is somewhere nearby. I know you want to go in and be the boss, but right now we don’t have time. If you want to save this cops life, you need to cooperate...”

Sergeant Walker didn’t seem to be listening to me as he pointed across the street away from the fire, “I don’t think we’ll have to look far, Detective.”

Across the road, on the garage door was the next message, “This little piggy went to market, and he looks to be the perfect target. I huffed and I puffed and I blew that house up, but really, is that going to be enough? His cries echo into the skies, can you hear him? I can. We’re close, close enough to touch and yet you still cannot find us.”

“He’s hear, he is still here.”

Walker scratched at his head again, “But where? Police are all over the place, he wouldn’t risk still being here.”

I paced back and forth on the spot, my mind racing to figure out the solution to this clue, “He wouldn’t put anything in the clue that wasn’t relevant to helping us find him. He asks if we can hear him, if we can hear Richards screaming. This probably means that we could if it was quite.”

“There is no way we would be able to hear him with all these people and sirens.”

I stopped pacing, “That’s it, and he thinks he’s being smart. He knows that with all this noise we can’t hear them, he thinks he has won. We can’t let him win. Get everybody to quit all noise, no hoses, no sirens, no talking and no breathing if that is what it takes.”

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Once Walker had gotten everyone to quieten down, I walked around the back year of the destroyed house. Listening closely to any sounds. Time was ticking away and I was beginning to get jumpy. We were taking a big risk, it was only a hunch that told me he was still here. It was only my instincts and gut feeling. They had never failed me before and all I could do was hope to hell they wouldn’t fail me now.

“Do you hear that?” One of the officers in the far corner of the back yard called to the others. Everyone went to move, but with one killing look they stayed still and quite as I strode over in long strides.

And there it was, the faint sounds of screams.

“It sounds like its coming from underground. Everybody look for a trap door! Maybe a door to a cellar or a bomb shelter! As soon as you find it, do not open it. Point it out to the others and wait for further instructions!”

It didn’t take long before the door was found. No-one was breathing as I crouched down on reached for the door. Slowly and carefully, pulling it open, I took a step back.

Looking down into the hole that was now in the ground, Wolf was no-where in site. Only the now unconscious body of Officer Richards. Letting out a deep breath and looking up sharply, I stepped away from the door, “Wolf isn’t there. Only Richards in the middle of the floor. He looks to be bleeding out but he is still breathing.”

Sergeant Walker reached a hand out and patted my shoulder, I flinched away from the unwanted affection, “It’s ok, sonny. You did a good job. And you possibly saved a man’s life. I have got to put it to you, you’re not just some rooky kid.”

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Walking into the hospital room, I was greeted by the grim faces of Walker and Richards. It had been three months and Wold could still not be found. The only good news was that no more dead officers had shown up on our doorstep. After stepping though, I knew that nothing was going to be good news. After stepping into that room, seeing the scarred man in the hospital bed with that look of torment on his face, I knew the worst had happened, “He’s back.”
"Waiting for the day all my pain goes away and the memory of your love fades to black."
  





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133 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 13890
Reviews: 133
Wed Oct 05, 2011 11:32 am
Starlight9 says...



Your writing skills have made the story admiring and tolerable to be read by a someone like me who might have seen that sort of mystery-stories a lot on TV like the CSI series. I really love the introduction you have placed above which actually gives every reader a great excitement to read your story.

However, the ending was quite disappointing as you've brought too much curiosity to the reader through out the story and then the ending looked even more mysterious than the rest of the story. But I won't blame you on that, I have seen that in other mystery stories I have read before. It is just me, I was just wishing for a better ending for your story.

Some edits you need to make for your story:

As they would be, seeing as this killer on has one thing on his mind. The complete destruction and bloody carnage of police officers. 

You can link the two sentences together with a semi-colon ; since the second sentence quite explains the purpose the killer's crimes.

It's someone on the force, there is nothing to suggest such a thing!” 


If you want to save this cop's life, you need to co-operate...” 


“He’s hear here, he is still here.” 


Great story, I really enjoyed reading it. You seem to be really good in writing mystery, well done = )
★L9
  








Cheat your landlord if you can and must, but do not try to shortchange the Muse. It cannot be done. You can’t fake quality any more than you can fake a good meal.
— William S. Burroughs