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Closure



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Sun Oct 23, 2011 4:33 am
MissUnmarkedGrave says...



He fell back against the cool sheets of his bed, tears flooding his eyes. He couldn’t see the ceiling of his bedroom through his foggy eyes. A gentle knock came from his door.

“Austin? Honey? Are you alright?” Austin rolled to face the same night table he’d been staring at since he was five. He hated that table. It was a constant reminder that he was still living at home under his mother's reign.

“Austin? Sweetie?”
“Go away, Mom”, he said through clenched teeth, annoyance in his tone.

He heard the knob rattle.“Honey? What’s wrong? Let me in.” she asked, more concerned.

Austin ran a hand through his sandy coloured hair, growing more impatient with her. “Just leave me alone.” he growled, raising his tone.

The knob rattled again, this time with more force, but his lock did its job. “It’s her again, isn’t it? Austin, you need to let go and be normal again! You’ve been so strange ever since! She was never good for you!” She sounded on the verge of tears herself.

He sat up angrily. He grabbed a sneaker from beside his bed and whipped it at the door. “Shut up! You don’t know anything!”

His mother fell silent. He heard the floorboards creak as she walked away, mumbling to herself. Austin rubbed his eyes, and let out a long sigh. He then turned his attention back to the night table. Her image sat in a frame. Deep blue pools staring back at him and those raven curls. Her smile was so lovely, but so poisonous. He felt the memories coming back to him, hurting like knives stabbing jaggedly into his heart. He traced her face lightly, almost feeling her warm skin under his touch. He swore he could hear her airy laugh... He suddenly grabbed the image, and slammed it down, shattering the glass. Why did he keep her picture? To torture himself with hopes and dreams that could never be? He really didn't know anymore. He ripped open the drawer and pushed the wreckage of the picture frame out of sight.

He lay back down, frustrated with everything. Austin pulled the sheets around him, not caring to change out of the clothes he’d worn for two days. He felt calmer with the cool blankets wrapped around him. He slowly drifted off to sleep.

Austin’s eyes snapped open to face the pitch black. His alarm clock flashed 12:36 am. He heard her voice; smooth, ghostly and thin, calling him gently. He sat up quickly and glanced around the room, not believing what he was hearing. No, she’s not coming back. Her voice shattered the silence. He whirled around as his gazed at the window. And there was the voice, floating in through the curtains. Austin scrambled out of bed, almost tripping over himself. He searched the front yard franticly for her. She called out to him again, saying his name softly. His lover’s voice was slowly moving farther away. He couldn’t lose her again.

Climbing clumsily out of his window, he hurriedly made his way across the roof, desperate to keep within earshot of her. He reached the edge of the garage roof. It was about a twenty foot drop to garden below. Holding his breath, he made a leap of faith, falling to his knees upon impact. A sharp pain shot through his neck. He quickly staggered to his feet, feeling strangely light, and squinted in the darkness. Again she called out to him, this time more panicked. Fearful for her, Austin broke into a sprint down the silent, dimly lit street. He seemed to be moving at an inhuman speed, faster than possible. He was eager to see her. He wanted to touch her hair, feel her kiss, and hold her hand.

He stopped dead. The street had come to an end where a forest had started. Austin slowly entered the dark woods, the moon casting a faint glow which caused the vegetation to through strange shadows. He searched the grove for some form of life. Suddenly, a figure made its way out from behind a larger tree. Austin froze.

"Who`s there!?”, he yelled. He clenched his fists, as the figure made its way towards a patch of light. The shadow slowly moved into the light, moving carefully, as if trying not to startle him. Austin stared in awe as the shadow was slowly peeled away from her.

She was dressed in a long red gown with a slit up her leg, revealing her flawless skin. Her sleeves sat loose and low on her delicate frame. An endless sea of ringlets flowed around face, blowing in the warm wind. Her eyes glowing a bright almost neon blue. She stood, fully revealed in the pale blue light, a look of shock upon her face. Austin snapped out of his trace and hurriedly pushed his way through the thick bushes to get to her. He stretched out a hand and met her wrist. Emerging from the underbrush, he quickly took hold of both her arms, pulling her close. Her eyes widened.

“Austin, Austin, Austin”, she whispered with amusement. But she didn’t smile.

He let go of her wrist to run a hand through her hair. “I thought you…you were…” he stuttered, “But you’re not. I didn’t. You’re back”
“Yes”, she said slowly, “But no.”

Austin squeezed her wrist tighter. She let out a gasp. “What do you mean?”

“I-I don't want to see you anymore...”

“No!” he cried holding her tighter as she tried to step back. “You can’t go! I won’t let you!”

Her eyes glowed darker, a more navy blue. “That’s what you said before. That’s what you said before…”

Tears started to flow down her pale cheeks. She looked up at him with sad, cold eyes. Austin watched horrified, as blood began to flow freely from her neck. Slowly, open gashes appeared on her throat. As he released her wrists, she gave him a small smile and fell to the ground in front of him.

The next morning, Austin Parker was found dead in front of his house near the garage door. Doctors declared it was due to his severe case of sleepwalking. He had climbed out of his bedroom window, walked across the roof and fallen twenty-one feet to the driveway below, breaking his neck. Underneath him was a picture of a raven haired girl in a shattered frame, glass shards imbedded in his chest. When his mother was questioned about the girl and her son, she broke out in a hysteria of confessions.

The next day, a police team went into the forest at the end of the Parker’s street. In that grove, in the small clearing, they dug. They found the body of Jenny Hampton, in the same red prom dress she’d been wearing the night she disappeared, throat slit, Austin's pocket knife logged deep into her neck.
ᵟṂḭṧṧ Ṳṉᵯḁṟḳḝḑ Ḡṝḁᶌḝ
  





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Sun Oct 23, 2011 8:42 am
manisha says...



hi
enjoyed the read throughly! you have wonderful detail.
[quoteShe was dressed in a long red gown with a slit up her leg, revealing her flawless skin. Her sleeves sat loose and low on her delicate frame. An endless sea of ringlets flowed around face, blowing in the warm wind. Her eyes glowing a bright almost neon blue. She stood, fully revealed in the pale blue light, a look of shock upon her face. Austin snapped out of his trace and hurriedly pushed his way through the thick bushes to get to her. He stretched out a hand and met her wrist. Emerging from the underbrush, he quickly took hold of both her arms, pulling her close. Her eyes widened.

][/quote]
the detail here feels a tad bit more but it really brings the story to life. this is also my favourite stanza from the story.

the ending is unexpected for me and it had me asking 'why would he kill a girl he loved?'
congratulations on a good story!

- manisha
If Novels are a bucket of imagination, Short story is a bucket of imagination made to fit a mug.
  





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Sun Oct 23, 2011 9:58 am
JacksonDove says...



Good evening.

Well well well. Really, this was a fantastically creative idea. I do love the way you told us, the sequence of the plot from one part to another was just about right. You've obviously established your own style of writing and of course it ended well. Certainly it's a nicely written commercial piece of work. Well done.

However, there is a moment which is sort of jarring. When his mother tells him “It’s her again, isn’t it? Austin, you need to let go and be normal again! You’ve been so strange ever since! She was never good for you!” I thought she had just left him. Not that she was dead. I think his mother would have been gentler if she had died. Especially if she had been murdered. Something like “it's over, you have to move on, it's all in the past” would have fitted better. She is stating the truth, but isn't being too harsh on the diseased girl. Also, “you've been so strange ever since” also sounds off having read the ending. Of course he would be “strange” after it. He was the one who killed her. It's a little odd how the mother – who knows the truth – says this as though it would be abnormal to be “strange” after a murder.

But that's just a little thing that I happened to pick up. If you think I'm talking nonsense, then that's cool as well. Other than that, a very interesting read. Thank you very much.

Dove
  





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Sun Oct 23, 2011 3:45 pm
AstridBartleby says...



This is great on a number of levels!

I love how the full details aren't revealed until the end. It keeps up the suspense. I also like how we don't find out Jenny's dead until literally the last paragraph.

You should really be impressed with this story! It turned out very well.

Keep up the great work!
"Think: who has vans, huh? Soccer moms and serial killers." - Libba Bray Going Bovine
  





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Sun Oct 23, 2011 7:26 pm
MissUnmarkedGrave says...



Thank you all for the input.
ᵟṂḭṧṧ Ṳṉᵯḁṟḳḝḑ Ḡṝḁᶌḝ
  








Sometimes wisdom came from strange places, even from giant teenaged goldfish.
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena