Young Writers Society

I stood in the rain staring down at the cold gray grave stone reading the words I have learned to dread. "In this place lies our loving John, may he be forever in our hearts." It sounded too emotionless every time I read it, too rehearsed. I knew this would happen to him if he went over seas to go fight in that stupid war, why didn't I stop him? I left hot tears fall down my cheek mix in with the cold rain.
Why couldn't there be no heaven, no hell below us, above us only sky? Imagine all the people that would live today if we could just imagine. What if there were no countries there would be nothing to kill or die for and no religion too? Would John my love be still alive, because there would be no need for fights?
You may say im a dreamer, but I know im not the only one. All I truly want is my John back and the sons and daughters, the husbands and wives of the people we have lost in the war back. I hope someday you join us and the world can live as one. Why can’t we just live in peace with one another, we can forget religion and that would stop most of the fighting wouldn't it?
Just imagine all the people living life in peace it would be beautiful. I hope someday you will join us to help stop the spread of war, because thousands of innocent people are killed because of it like my beloved John. What if there was no possessions, would that make people happier knowing that we don’t have to always protect and watch after are things because we are sharing them?
What if there was no need for greed or hunger? At the end of the day money will slowly fade away and you relies your life has slowly turned gray, thousands of children would not starve to death, they could make something out of there lives. Why can’t we be a brother hood of man, we could live and be happy with one another.
I wish someday the world will live as one and the children of that generation will never hear the word war, and know that the people they love are slowly dyeing out there in that foreign country because of it like I have felt. I slowly looked up at the sky as I noticed the rain had stopped, the sun came shining threw the clouds and for once since John has died I smiled.

Hi there, brittinstenten.

I love the subject you're bringing us, since I am a big fan of Lennon's song and I do not support war.

I liked your first paragraph, I think you did a good job trying to wrap the reader up in your story. But then I kept on reading and I noticed that you stole Lennon's words various times. And I certainly didn't like it. I mean, if it would've been just once I wouldn't mind, because giving him credit for inspiration is good, but you basically sang the whole song in this story. And I think that makes your piece look... um... not that creative. Not saying that you are not creative. You are indeed a great writer, you showed us in the rest of your piece that you are. But perhaps, you could've stand out more as the great writer that you are, if you would've used your own words to show what Lennon showed us as well.

Honestly,
Solly<3

Well I wrote this in school oneday and our teacher want us to write a story useing most of the lyrics so thats what I did.

Wow this is amazing. I've never heard the song personally (although I hear about how great it is) but I must say, this really touched me emotionally. You're writing is great and I'm amazed how you came up with a story using song lyrics. I too, do not support the war so I felt really touched by the words. Great job!

I like the song alot I would have never heard it if didn't join choir thank you, you made my day!