I like the way you opened it up; it definitely grabbed my attention and made want to read more. You also kept my attention all the way through, no easy feat mind you! However, I found the story to be somewhat disorienting; that is, I never quite knew what was going on. For the italics, that was fine, but for the remainder of the story, it needs to be fixed. There needs to be more description of what's going on and who the "Verplancks" are; it's not get keeping the reader in the dark.
Overall, though, I liked this story. It was interesting and moved swiftly along.
Gender:
Points: 1115
Reviews: 122