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Young Writers Society


Hourglass



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Fri Apr 01, 2005 5:04 pm
Emma says...



Wow thats good! Doesnt make sense at all! I will go and read from the beginning! Stupid grin!
  





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Fri Apr 01, 2005 6:15 pm
Sam says...



LOL!

hee...
Graffiti is the most passionate form of literature there is.

- Demetri Martin
  





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Fri Apr 01, 2005 8:45 pm
hekategirl says...



This is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo incredibly extrodanarily good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it!!!!! you are out of your writing block, Sam! woohoo!!!!!! but it was a tinsy bit confusing, just the first part. I know in the second part its from Luke's point of view but i'm not sure from who's point of view the beginning was from. Liberty? if it was Liberty I think you should say like you did on that one part you sent me on AIM. But this was great. Not boring at all. Can't wait for more :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D
  





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Fri Apr 01, 2005 8:57 pm
Firestarter says...



Ah, ‘tis a mix of emotions I feel as, in the dead of night, I peer out my window to see rows of soldiers in uniform rows. Their weapons strapped to their backs glint evilly in the flickering light of a streetlamp, whilst their faces glint with a mixture of sweat and blood- theirs, I do not know. I do not even want to know. Once-crisp britches and coats are also splattered with the stuff, adding to the overall eerie majesty of the group.

I am not sure if I am the only one to witness their arrival, but I cannot be the only one affected by it. For, in itself, ‘tis a blessign and a curse to have His Majesty’s army come to town.


I think we need more description in this bit, you seem to skim over it rather quickly.

Actually you could say that for most of it. It seems a little rushed.

Anyway, I need to find the start of this. It's hard when people start a new topic for each new insert, it'd be more useful if you just put it in the same topic!
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.
  





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Fri Apr 01, 2005 9:06 pm
hekategirl says...



This is the beginning I beileve:

forum/viewtopic.php?t=1322&highlight=
  





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Fri Apr 01, 2005 10:07 pm
Sam says...



Thanks, Jack, but I usually just post them separately because otherwise it's hard for new readers to crit the first chapter or something. :D

and this was supposed to feel rushed...but not very rushed, like you pointed out. partly that's because i am planning to go over that later, but I'll fix it up nonetheless.
Graffiti is the most passionate form of literature there is.

- Demetri Martin
  








If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.
— Woodrow Wilson