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Vengeance (13+)



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Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 25
Thu Apr 07, 2005 11:37 pm
Bazoo says...



A note to the reader: While the single inappropriate word was edited out for this piece, it does contain a small bit of violent nature, so it is advissed that immature readers press the back button on their browser immediately.

Vengeance


You stare into the deep black eyes of the innocence in front of you. “She” is scared, obviously; she is the offspring of the man you just killed, whose body is behind you.

-Please ... God ... help me.-

You take a look around you. The air is stained with red dust; blood seems to surround you. Musty scents creep into your nostrils. You look into the eyes of the “little” girl again. She is down on the hard cement ground, crying, gasping for breath.

Hands shaking, you pick up the metallic death machine that murdered minutes ago and was destined to kill again.

You load the gun.

-Please don’t ...-

More tears drop to the ground.

“No amount of tears will pay recompense for what your father did to me.”

You aim the gun between the girl’s two eyes.

Even more tears soak her dress. It was her wedding dress.

That girl was becoming a woman ...

All sense of revenge drained from your mind. You realize what you did. You, too, break down, dropping your gun and collapsing on the ground in a puddle of water emitting from your eyes.

"I'm ... a monster ..."


The girl stares mercifully at you.

“I ... I can’t believe what I’ve done ...”

The girl is shocked by this new change of heart. She doesn’t know what to say.

-Pray to God ... He will forgive you ... and I will forgive you ...-

After a few painful minutes of examining the conscience, you manage a smile.

“I will leave now. Give your father a proper resting place. He was a great man ... but I was blinded ... by wealth ...”

You rise to leave, walking toward the door.

Suddenly, a sense of annoyance creeps into your mind, an annoyance that makes you feel as if you forgot something.

A terrible pain drives itself into your back, red liquid releasing from the back of your shirt. You drop to the floor, dying. Blood spits from your mouth, and you roll your head over in exasperation, viewing the girl -no, the women- with your gun in her hand, fire in her eyes, and a cocky grin on her mouth.


-Did you really think you could get away with this, you fool? And to think ... our marriage would’ve gave you riches and power beyond your imagine. But no ... you just had to get revenge on my father for secretly putting you out of your position ... you greedy *******. I think you’ve lived long enough, dictator.-

Gun shot.

Vengeance.
Wow...I want to thank so many people for being here...well of course, God...and um...Nate...let's see...Liz...Brad...Chevy...Satan.


They're all cool.
  





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Fri Apr 08, 2005 1:09 am
lin night says...



Bah, he should have just shot her. What a wimp.
  





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Gender: Female
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Fri Apr 08, 2005 2:24 am
Elizabeth says...



Wow, this is very good, and yes he shoudl have. Like....

You stare into the deep black eyes of the innocence in front of you. “She” is scared, obviously; she is the offspring of the man you just killed, whose body is behind you.

Gun shot.

Vengeance.

:-P Sure it is short and all but ll.
I didn't reallly see anything bad with it. I am surprised you got into writersblock with such a great imagination :huggles: It will all be alright....

A++++++++++++++++++++ on this :-D
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 1160
Sun Apr 10, 2005 9:29 pm
Elizabeth says...



This also reminded me of Kill Bill Volume one. I just had to say that after I explained to you it was sort of like this. with the bride and blood and the man and all. I don't know about a gun but still...
  





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Mon Apr 11, 2005 5:49 pm
Rei says...



Pretty good. I like the tone and diction used. Very appropriate for the story. Though I'm not to sure about why you put it in italics and used "you" instead of "I". What I would like to see from this is more information on who these people are, and why this scene is happening.
Please, sit down before you fall down.
Belloq, "Raiders of the Lost Ark"
  








A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.
— Honore de Balzac