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My angle in heaven

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Wed Apr 27, 2005 9:28 pm
Acid_Fairy says...



i clamber through the hole in the old wood fence. my oasis of calm. in here, beetween the meandering passageways and pink blossom trees, you can't hear the roaring of cars, or the footsteps of people.
A rope swing hangs from a high oak tree. just a small wooden plank attatched to rope. swaying. swaying ever so gently in the afternoon breeze. i sit upon it. swinging myself higher and higher, until the tips of my toes brush the lower branches, and i'm certain that i can soar straight through them and touch the sky.
There is a rustle below me. My exhilirating world shatters and i gradually swing to a slow stop. And then I see her. clear as day infront of me. the woman i once called mother. She smiles at me. too far away to touch, but solid as stone.
i see her talking to me. i can't hear her, but i understand her. She tells me not to cry for her. to be strong. That she's not worth my tears...
'I thought you'd be here.' i voice behind me whispers. I turn to see the familiar and comforting face of my big sister, Adelle.
'Adelle! look it's her! I just saw her!' i cry. Adelle can see her too can't she?
'There's no-one there Hannah.' she tells me gently.
'There is! can't you see her? she's there! look!' i insist.
Hannah...' she trails of not knowing what to say.
'It's exactly one year to the day, Adelle. One whole year.'
'I know. this day's the same for all of us. You just have to suck up the pain and bear it.' she tells me softly.
'I don't want to, Adelle. I just want her back so much. Don't you want her back?' I look over. she is still there. a mischeviouse grin playing over her slight, elfin face, as she looks upon Adelle and me.
'Oh hannah! of course i do! we all do.' she rushes over and holds me close, as if she's afraid i might blow away in the wind.
I don't know how long we stood there. locked in each others embrace. I wanted Adelle to see her. but then. i was glad. that this moment was just for me. When we drew apart she was gone. My angle from heaven.
The tears came anyway.
Angel now- Devil forever ;-P




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Wed Apr 27, 2005 9:46 pm
Mattie says...



I love your signature and especially this post you've written. I really enjoyed reading it and I could almost feel the girls pain of seeing something no one else can't. Great job on this! My favorite part was:

A rope swing hangs from a high oak tree. just a small wooden plank attatched to rope. swaying. swaying ever so gently in the afternoon breeze. i sit upon it. swinging myself higher and higher, until the tips of my toes brush the lower branches, and i'm certain that i can soar straight through them and touch the sky.

I remember I used to have a swing in my backyard of my old house and I could stay out there for hours while I swayed back and fourth. Great job, once again, Acid Fairy!




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Wed Apr 27, 2005 10:49 pm
Rei says...



Very nice. I loved your use of language in this. Very simple, yet very elegant. There are some really great images and ideas here. But I felt that there wasn't enough. It really leaves me wanting more.

Here I'm just being picky, but in the first paragraph, I think it would sound better if "you" was changed to "I".
Please, sit down before you fall down.
Belloq, "Raiders of the Lost Ark"




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Thu Apr 28, 2005 12:05 am
hekategirl says...



I like this alot but like Reichieru said, it didn't feel like enough, it left me wanting more. And when you start a new sentence you need to capitilize the first word, like this:

"A rope swing hangs from a high oak tree. just a small wooden plank attatched to rope. Swaying. Swaying ever so gently in the afternoon breeze."

Not like this:

"A rope swing hangs from a high oak tree. just a small wooden plank attatched to rope. swaying. swaying ever so gently in the afternoon breeze."

And you also need to capitilize your 'I's like this:

"'Adelle! look it's her! I just saw her!' I cry. Adelle can see her too can't she?"

Not like this:

"'Adelle! look it's her! I just saw her!' i cry. Adelle can see her too can't she?"

And you should change the 'I' to 'A' in this sentence:

"'I thought you'd be here.' i voice behind me whispers. I turn to see the familiar and comforting face of my big sister, Adelle."

But this was good, a worthwhile read.
***Honorary 11-Year-Old***

Heh-COT-ee-GUR-el

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Thu Apr 28, 2005 12:44 am
faith says...



did you mean, 'angel'?




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Thu Apr 28, 2005 5:26 am
Acid_Fairy says...



yes-lol i meant angel not angle. i know i should capitalize, but i'm too used to my computer doing it for me that i don't take notice. I'll do that xet time.

hekategirl- I think I was supposed to put 'A' but I pressed the wrong key.

thanks for the points, maybe i'll write a second part.
Angel now- Devil forever ;-P




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Sat Apr 30, 2005 1:50 am
lin night says...



This is great. I love the last line. In fact, there are a lot of pretty lines. I especially like this one: "She smiles at me. too far away to touch, but solid as stone." I wish I could write something as beautiful as that. Screw proper sentence structure and capitalization. This works fine as is. The lack of capitals even adds to it.




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Sat Apr 30, 2005 4:24 am
Dargquon Ql'deleodna says...



this is beautifull...very descriptive. i love it. will there be more? if there is i hungrily await your next post.