Since she can't take anything with her when she goes, I've decided that this will be my older sister's birthday present. I would be eternally grateful if anyone would really hack into this thing and critique it to the best of your ability. Currently, it is a freewrite, with absolutely no editing. I want this to be great, so any and all help would be great.
“What are you doing, Diana?”
She giggles. “Eating.”
I roll my eyes. “You horse.”
Diana’s mouth drops open and her fork falls to her plate with a loud clattering sound. “I’ve already run twice today!”
I laugh and walk over to where she is sitting. “I know, love.” I say, toying with her short ponytail.
“Stop that,” She slaps at my hands.
“What if I don’t want to?” I ask in a nasal voice.
Diana’s lips spread into a grin reminiscent of the Joker from Batman as she leaps up from her chair and begins tickling me.
I shove her off and break into a sprint, exiting the kitchen and heading up the stairs, where I run smack into my father. I squeal and get behind him. “Diana’s gonna kill me!”
Diana is coming up the stairs with that same evil grin on her face.
“Are you being mean to your sister?” Dad asks, winking at me.
Diana plops her hand onto her hip, which is jutting out in clear attitude. “No,”
I giggle and Diana is off again, the two of us running and squealing like we’re five and seven, not fifteen and seventeen.
Today is June seventh, and my older sister Diana is leaving for the United States Military Academy at West Point, New York in twenty days to begin her basic training as a new cadet.
“Fast forward this part.” I reach for the remote, and Diana smacks my hand.
“I like this song.”
“Well, I don’t.” I try again. She smacks harder. “Ow…” I whine, wringing my hand.
She smirks. “Mine.” she says, hugging the remote possessively.
“You’re such a baby.” I lean against the pillows, arms across my chest, pouting.
She ignores me, snuggling deeper into her pillow.
Today is June ninth, and my older sister Diana is leaving for West Point in eighteen days.
“Just a little further!” I call, jumping up and down, clapping my hands to encourage her.
Diana’s face is red and dripping with sweat, her chest heaving in exhaustion as her military boot-clad feet pound the pavement of our street.
“Come on, Di. Final stretch!”
She nods her head just barely to acknowledge me and I see her face clench in determination as she breaks into a sprint toward our mailbox.
“Wooo hooo!!” I punch the button on the stopwatch and dance around in celebration.
Diana’s hands are on her hips as she walks toward me, her breathing ragged, sweat dripping off her face. “What…was it…” she gasps out.
“Five seconds better than last time.” I announce, beaming. “Race you back up to the house.”
Even totally winded from the two miles she just ran, Diana kicks my butt.
Today is June thirteenth, and my older sister Diana is leaving for West Point in fourteen days.
“Where is my brush?”
“I’m using it.”
I heave a sigh in exasperation. “I need it, Di.”
“Well hold on just a second.”
I march over to where she is standing, putting the final touches on her short dark hair and snatch the brush out of her grasp. “Thank you.”
Diana glares at me and slams down the straightening iron in frustration. “Augh!”
Today is June sixteenth, and my older sister Diana is leaving for West Point in eleven days.
“Hey, look. Lion King soundtrack is on sale.”
Diana walks over to me and leans against me, reading the track listing on the back of the CD. “Let’s get it. You want to split the price?”
“Nah, I’ll buy it. Call it an early birthday present. Besides, you can’t take it with you to West Point.”
Di shrugs. “True.” She takes the CD out of my hands, dark eyes scanning it before dropping it into the basket on her arm.
Today is June ninteenth, and my older sister Diana is leaving for West Point in eight days.
“Waaaaaake up!”
Diana groans and rolls over, shielding her eyes as I turn on the lamp beside her bed. “Go away.”
I hurl myself on top of her and she lets out a little grunt. “Stop it, Kel. I’m trying to sleep.”
I laugh and roll off of her so we are face to face. “Happy Birfday Diaba.”
She turns over, readjusting her pillow.
“Come on, you’ll be eighteen in seven and a half minutes. Get up! I made you fooo-ood…”
She opens one eye, clearly considering this offer. “Okay.”
I giggle happily and proceed to bounce up and down on her bed.
“Don’t do that,” she mumbles, sitting up and putting one hand to her messy dark hair. She blinks a couple of times, trying to adjust her eyes to the light. “What did you make?”
“Waffles, bacon, and eggs. Smell good?”
Diana nods her head and sits up, rubbing her eyes. I feel myself smiling sadly as I watch my beautiful older sister. How can someone look that good this early in the morning?
Diana catches me looking at her. “What?” She puts one hand to her hair self-consciously.
I smile. “Nothing.”
Diana rolls her eyes and gets out of bed. “You’re so weird.”
Today is June twenty-fourth and my older sister Diana is leaving for West Point in three days.
“You want chips?”
My little sisters nod their heads, not really looking at me; their eyes are trained on the sandwiches resting on their plates. I go to the cabinet and snatch some Doritos, opening the bag on the way back before handing it off to Adrienne, who is twelve.
She dumps a few chips onto her plate halfheartedly and hands the bag to nine-year-old Haley, who looks at it with mild interest before grabbing about six chips with one hand and crunching into one.
I lean against the counter, eyes glazed, staring at the kitchen floor.
Suddenly, my eye catches on something shiny in the corner of the room. I straighten and cross the room in one stride, leaning down to capture the object in my hand. When I stand up again, my eyes come to rest on a simple silver ring, the numbers “2005” engraved on its front.
I shut my eyes as I close my hand around the ring. It’s Diana’s.
I hold it for a moment, the kitchen silent except for the sounds of Adrienne and Haley crunching on their chips. When I open my eyes, tears spill down my face. I pull on the ring and clench my fist, now shaking with silent sobs.
The munching sounds have stopped, and I turn to see Adrienne and Haley watching me, eyes wide. I am standing in the middle of kitchen, holding onto this ring like it’s my only lifeline, and sobbing harder than I ever have.
Without saying a word, the girls stand at the same time and come to stand with me. Adrienne’s dark brown eyes hold a sheen of unshed tears and Haley puts her arms around my waist. I feel Haley shaking as she cries and I reach out to hug Adrienne.
For at least ten minutes, the three of us just stand there, sobbing like our sister has died instead of left for college. Finally, Adrienne pulls away and Haley follows. They make their way back to the counter, where they sit and finish their lunches. I rinse some cups and put them in the dishwasher, none of us speaking.
I look out the window over the sink and pause. It’s sunny outside, probably close to ninety-three degrees. When I finally look back to the kitchen, I blink a few times, seeing those spots that you get in your eyes whenever you’ve been somewhere bright for too long. The girls are gone, their dishes resting neatly near the sink.
I clean them up quickly, slamming the dishwasher shut and leaning against the counter again.
I touch the ring with my left hand, the tips of my fingers running over the numbers tenderly. A single tear falls from my eye to my hand. Another tear falls onto my lips. I lick it, and it is salty, the taste sweet and sad all at the same time.
Today is July second, and my older sister Diana has been at West Point for five days.
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