Sometimes you have to scream jut to hear your own thoughts, lifted up in a storm of voices. Scream so that God and the whole world can hear you when you don’t know how to listen to yourself. And if your tears overwhelm you and you forget your voice, think to me and I will find you.
I’m wailing in the darkness for you, I can hear my own cries though I cannot hear you. Your resonating footsteps through these cold chambers would lift my heart and my eyes, sky blue and frozen cold. But you aren’t coming for me this time, are you?
Did you move on, can’t you feel my desperation? Do you sense it or are you too numb to feel anything anymore. To touch your skin is to touch the water in the arctic, you are so cold, so cold.
I’ll hold you close anyway, even though it tortures me, because I love you. I’ll hold you and I’ll warm you and everything will just be all right, okay? It’ll just fucking be all right, and that’s all that matters. Mystical darkness surrounds our quiet fortress. My own personal dungeon. A haven and a prison but I love you so it doesn’t matter just hold me. Hold me until your coldness freezes my heart over and I learn how to be cold like you, so cold that it hurts.
Sometimes I think that you have no heart. But then, how could you know how to love me so without a heart? I can make you cry out, I can make you need me, and long for me, and love me so that in the ethereal silence broken only by our pleasured cries, we are warm. Warm, for once.
I should have known though. I should have known that with you it would be hell frozen over but I didn’t care then I loved you and I still do. And I saw all of the warning signs but god I didn’t care I just wanted you, and you wanted me too. But when you’re here you aren’t with me, you’re somewhere else in the vast reaches of your mind, thinking of the past and brooding. Brooding. lord I stopped doing that when I was five.
If I tied you up and locked you in the basement, would you call for me the way I call for you? And, if while still tied there, I stripped and you needed me, and you ached for me the way I ache for you, could you know how to love me like you used to?
You could beg me not to deny you and I might listen, but then again I might not. Maybe I would make you suffer, and you could fucking jack off in the darkness for all I fucking care. Play with yourself and forget about me.
But you can’t and I can’t, and I will never tie you up in the basement and god knows I’ll never deny you because I love you and even when I’m ready to stop we can keep going because it pleasures you, and I want to in any way I can. It hurts so bad sometimes, you’re so strong...you should try to be more careful with me but I know that in our solitude you forget...you forget that it hurts me. You used to know how to kiss me just so, so that the kiss alone could give me an orgasm. And you could love me so gently that...god it didn’t hurt at all. You can’t do that anymore.
You have to be so aggressive. You are an aggressive guy, I get that, but...I don’t know, what am I trying to say? I don't know, that's what I'm saying. I just don't know anymore.
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