Young Writers Society

This is a sample of my Bible-parody called "The book of rock". I like it so far, but please tell me if it is or not, or if I should not go along with finishing it. DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE IRREVERANT. IT IS MEANT TO BE A HUMOROUS PARADY OF BIBLICAL-AGE WRITING.

Right, well then, on with it no?


The Book of Rock, the Sixth Book of Moses
The generations of Moses and Onward
And the children of the LORD came upon the sea, and it was a great distance across. And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying "And thou shalt rock. And in thy rock, I shalt do wonders" And lo, Moses did as the LORD-GOD commanded, and he ascended the highest bluff near the waters edge, and held aloft the guitar the LORD hath given him, and spake unto the LORD, saying "O, LORD, with this Guitar, I shalt do you wonders" and Moses did play the guitar. He did play the guitar in the hills and in the valleys, at the shore of the sea, and in the desert, the song of Moses was heard, for this guitar was amplified, by the glory of the LORD. And upon hearing the song of Moses, the LORD-GOD did grin, and He parted the sea of Reeds for him, to cross to the other side. But the Evil Pharaoh was hateful and wicked, and dispised rock music. And he did send out his armies to retrieve Moses and the Israelites, for he wished to forever silence rock music. And Pharaohs army was made of many men, and many rappers. And they gave chase to the Israelite rockers, but the LORD had parted the sea for Moses and the Israelite rockers.

And the LORD spake unto Moses once more, saying "You shalt lead your people to a land which I shall show you. It shalt be a paradise, where the grass is green and the girls are pretty. And thou shalt dwell there in peace forever and ever, and you shalt give free concerts, for the music of Rock is for all those who know Me to enjoy." And it was as the LORD commanded. They went up into the land, and dwelled and gave free concerts every weekend of the best rock music to please the LORD for fifty and ten years. And things were peaceful, and they were a light to the nations And they had fifty and ten years.


Well, whaddya think?

I think it's funny. But then again I've never read the Bible, so I might not know what I'm talking about. Good job though.

As an athiest, this cracks me up. Ive read enough of the bible to know that. The bible does say lord alot, doesn't it.. I also like the part about the rappers. Thats funny. The whole idea of a bible parody is really clever.

I didn't find it all that funny. I dunno. Maybe it would be better if you started at the beginning of the story.

No...

I've seen much better parodies of the bible. First, you need to get the language perfect for this to work. You're getting close, but not nearly close enough if this is supposed to be a comedy all can enjoy. And by all, I mean all that would think that this kind of stuff is funny (which is including myself, but not including religious extremists who will, predictably, go nuts over this).

Second, if you are using the bible as a parody, which you are, your parody should have some meaning behind it. For instance, I was reading war letters from the Vietnam War, and in one of the letters, someone did a take on the ten commandments - in Army fashion. One of the commandments was "Thou shall not think." It was really funny, but there was some meaning behind it as well when it talked of the oppressiveness of the army.

When writing humor, it is tempting go off the wall crazy and write whatever comes into your mind. But you can't do that, not without the risk of it becoming unfunny. There has to be structure in the unstructured.

Anyways, that's enough from me. Good luck. I'm off to listen to Pink Floyd. ^___^

Snoink wrote:No...

I've seen much better parodies of the bible. First, you need to get the language perfect for this to work. You're getting close, but not nearly close enough if this is supposed to be a comedy all can enjoy. And by all, I mean all that would think that this kind of stuff is funny (which is including myself, but not including religious extremists who will, predictably, go nuts over this).

Second, if you are using the bible as a parody, which you are, your parody should have some meaning behind it. For instance, I was reading war letters from the Vietnam War, and in one of the letters, someone did a take on the ten commandments - in Army fashion. One of the commandments was "Thou shall not think." It was really funny, but there was some meaning behind it as well when it talked of the oppressiveness of the army.

When writing humor, it is tempting go off the wall crazy and write whatever comes into your mind. But you can't do that, not without the risk of it becoming unfunny. There has to be structure in the unstructured.

Anyways, that's enough from me. Good luck. I'm off to listen to Pink Floyd. ^___^

Well, then could you please give me some ideas on how to improve please?

Read the bible, or at least that passage, once again to get a better feeling of the words. After rereading it, the main thing that stood out to me was:

"They went up into the land, and dwelled and gave free concerts every weekend of the best rock music to please the LORD for fifty and ten years. And things were peaceful, and they were a light to the nations And they had fifty and ten years."

Endings are supposed to stick, and that seems out of character with the other sentences. Like I said, you nearly there with immitation, but the ending needs a little work.

If/when you revise this, do NOT remove, 'It shalt be a paradise, where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.'

If you do, I shall be forced to cry.

""You shalt lead your people to a land which I shall show you. It shalt be a paradise, where the grass is green and the girls are pretty. And thou shalt dwell there in peace forever and ever, and you shalt give free concerts, for the music of Rock is for all those who know Me to enjoy."

Hehe. Loved that line...

You may want to change the ending, as Snoink pointed out...other than that, not much here!

Yaya, that was pretty funny man.
And I think that this does have meaning, I think what Snoink is thinking of is satire.
He made the title the book of Rock, and kept strictly to the rock motif bible, and I think aside from the obvious need to read the real bible, this was humerous if anything. And I enjoyed it, however short it was.

Oh well, I liked it, and was good enough for me.