One point - Lord Nelson had his arm cut off and still became one of Britain's greatest naval heroes, perhaps military heroes, ever. But because you're narrator is a boy I'll let it go.
I liked this more than your other ones....the dialogue was short and snappy and it moved with a good pace. Not sure sure about the three line perspective type thing, you should probably flesh it out a bit more.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.
Your dialogue always holds a wealth of description, which fascinates me. How the crap do you do that, girl?! Ugh. If you don't stop writing this well I think I might steal all the cupcakes away from you, because you're writing way to well to be only twelve. Or fifteen. Or whatever age. It's too good.
You friggin' .... little.... *can't think of a sufficient insult* Augh!!!
Got YWS?
"Most of us have far more courage than we ever dreamed we possessed."
- Dale Carnegie
I really like this but I agree with Mesh and Jack, thoguh. And this sentence right here:
"The girl, slightly annoyed, puts asider her needle and sampler."
I think you ment:
"The girl, slightly annoyed, puts aside her needle and sampler."
And I think you were a little TOO fast paced, you know with switching the perspectives.
And the thing the doctar did to the boy ROLF!!!!! I always knew those doctars were out to get you....
(applies to me)
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