Young Writers Society

Dang.

Good gravy, Sam, that was one of your greatest Hourglasses. The only nitpick I have is that the beginning seemed a bit too contemporary, but I'm not really sure how you could change that... hmm. Oh well. It's not bad or anything.

You should put all these together on her; it'd be cool to read 'em all at once. How many pages is this thing now?

Oh my gosh, that was great. You could smell, feel, hear everything that was going on.
'twas great Sam
And areida, I've read the whole thing put together and its great like that. I haven't read it with the new stuff though, should be better.

I know why it seemed contemporary! *waves hand in the air*

Because you described the click of the gun! See? That implies modern rifles, not muskets. Or blunderbusses. But really... I would use a sword if I were in their place.

*smirks* I should get an award...

wow sam. I didn't get this because i haven't read the previous ones recently. *pants, running to read the others*

YAY SNOINKY SNOINKY OINKY OINKY!

Thankus. I didn't even notice that... Thanks for reading, guys!

Wow...

The last one I read, he was going to kiss someone...

Now he's somewhere else... With blood...

Wow... I need to keep up with the time.

Pretty amazing. The way you described It...It was If I was there. I could smell, feel, hear everything(as someone else already said). I liked It, a lot. You really have a lot of potential! I can't believe you're only twelve!

Hehe!

She's probably another 40 year old man.

This would be an appropriate time for my signature DUN DUN DUN...

Yeah i finally get a chance to read it. Sorry it took so long but...anyways. I liked it and agree that it is the best post of Hourglass that you've written. I can't wait to read more to see what is going to happen. Good job!!

oh.. tension. I could stand a bit more, honestly.

(and I thought i had read everything I wanted to from when I was gone, but you snuck hourglass in there! yay!).

What Snoink said about the gun. yes. I was taken back when I read this, and was like "is this still the same hourglass?"

Second to last line.. nice.

if only i could remember where you were last with this (yes, my memory is that bad, unless I missed more than I thought).

Because you described the click of the gun! See? That implies modern rifles, not muskets. Or blunderbusses.

I think what Sam was intending to describe was the sound of the flintlock weapon's hammer being drawn back to full-cock, which, in those times, was perfectly normal, seeing as the gun might've gone off if it wasn't being pointed at someone at the time (e.g. if you were holding it, it would be on half-cock to prevent it discharging).

To prevent it sounding so contemporary, it might be better to describe it by not saying "as the gun is cocked", say "as the gun is fully cocked" or "the hammer is drawn forward" or something similar.

Otherwise, good work.

Woah, you must be psychic...I was about to go on MSN and bother you into reading it. Anyway, thanks!

I shall...my musket knowledge isn't that great...'the gun is fully cocked' would work perfectly. Thanks dudes/dudettes!